tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63609882816055466822024-03-13T15:05:40.516-07:00Deeper Stillshannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.comBlogger171125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-92174396425438585822013-08-28T10:11:00.000-07:002013-08-28T10:29:55.115-07:00Freedom!<br />
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<dt class="profile-data" style="font-weight: bold; margin: 0px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-weight: normal;">I have new determination to fight sin in my life. He died so I could live. He was bound on a Cross by His enemies so I could be free. I want to believe what He says is True and walk in it fully. 17 years into my journey...after years of a million answered prayers and seeing thousands of changed lives and being consumed in the glory of so many things He has done thru us I am fearful. Fearful that I have somehow thought this has been in some small way because of my goodness or strength added to His righteousness. I know with my mind that it is Christ plus NOTING but my logic somehow tells me a different story. </span><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><span style="font-weight: normal;">I feel as though my heart is being awakened anew to the mercy and grace found ONLY in His Sacrifice...not even a tiny bit thru my good works or morality. This is causing a deeper worship of my King. A new determination to fight sin. Sin and slefish desires are no longer my master. I have a greater desire to read His Word thru a different lense. I feel more passion to reach out to the lost with the GREAT news of His Redeeming Power! So much more compassion for the poor, needy, broken...awwwwww because I am just as poor, needy and broken. </span><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><span style="font-weight: normal;">All the verses I am reading, memorizing, meditating on...they are all tying into Redemption. As believers we have been redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to us. It is for freedom that He set us free. As we throw off every weight, sin and distraction that so eaily entangles us we can run the race marked out for us with pereverance. We must understand the goal and the great worth of the Prize or why bother to fight when the battle rages on? We will fizzle out and not finish strong settling into complacency. LET IT NOT BE SO!</span><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><span style="font-weight: normal;">My life may appear more pure and clean on the outside than the days I first believed but it does NOT mean I am any less weak or powerless apart from Christ...it does not mean that I should be any less desperate in seeking Him than I was at first. I am finding the beauty of following Him means we fight harder to see Him as He really is and choose to believe He is who He says He is and that we are who He says we are in Christ. Seeing Him as He really is surely is our greatest weapen against our temptation to sin. When we drink from broken cisterns it is because somewhere in our hearts we are not believing that He is the Living Water and that He alone satisfies our thirst. When we truly believe that His grace is enough and His mercy covers every sin and failure it should lead us to greater obedience AND abandon AND worship AND humble service in HIs Kingdom! Our souls should be at rest in His Presence and alive in His Truth and humbled by His holiness.</span><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><span style="font-weight: normal;">I have been incredibly tempted in recent years to place 'good' things on the throne of my heart. Things, people, ministries that Christ has called me to devote my life to for the sake of His Kingdom have become temptations. When they dominate my thoughts and reign supreme in my affections they become deceitful in my heart. He is speaking loudly to me, in love, that He must reign supreme in my thoughts, affections and heart. He has an order to things...and He must always be first in that order. Our first love, our first pursuit, our first cause! </span><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><span style="font-weight: normal;">The battle only grows stronger and the weapons He has called us to fight with are spiritual in nature. He has won the battle. If we believe and fight humbled before His mighty hand and with His strength, abandoning our own feeble efforts to His, we will see His glory in the land of the living. We will see the Reality that HE HAS OVERCOME! He has TRULY overcome! His death and resurrection did for us what we can NEVER do for ourselves. </span><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><span style="font-weight: normal;">My heart is humbled, alive, ready and willing to see Him as He reallly is. Please pray with me that Jesus would reveal Himself to us in a way that causes us to make Him the greatest Treasure and pursuit of our hearts! Surely this will cause HIs light to shine thru us lighting the way in the darkness for others to see Him too! </span><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><br style="font-weight: normal;" /><span style="font-weight: normal;">Oh Lord how we love and long for You ALONE!</span></span></dt>
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<a class="profile-link" href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897" rel="author" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); background-color: white; color: #888888; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-decoration: none;"></a>shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-21278830558176935422013-07-12T07:13:00.003-07:002013-07-12T07:13:34.865-07:00The Battle for our Hearts <span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">So many people gathered in our home last night as we worshipped the Living Water. The well for our souls that NEVER runs dry. We celebrated the great work God is doing thru Richard Moore III and thanked Jesus for it all! But then I woke up feeling hopelessness and in despair. I looked at all the work...work that needed to be done in my heart and the hearts of those in SL for the nation to REALLY be changed.</span><br />
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A water well installed is great and should be celebrated....but it will run dry. I knelt on the closet floor that I've been praying and weeping and worshipping in for days and NOTHING. No words could even come into my mind. Then the thoughts came like a flood. What are you even doing thinking you can make a difference? It's too much. It's a mess and will never be undone in your lifetime. Your own heart isn't even pure and you think you can wade thru the mess of the sin in the hearts of so many in a nation who's culture you will never figure out in the 4 mission trips you take each year. You have have a powerful force fighting against you. Your enemies are relentless. Just give up. <div>
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Aawww but then a tiny seed of Hope sprouted up and I just started quietly, slowly whispering all the verses that I KNOW God ordained for me to memorize in past weeks. My faith started growing. I knew He had revealed my own sin and mercy so I could show that mercy to others. So I could hold out Living Hope with passion! He answered my prayer to understand the gospel by first revealing the wickedness and deceit in my own heart and then showed me the power of the gospel in me thru His Cross. The enemy is a Deceiver. Our battle is not against flesh and blood...it is against our Enemy is fought and won in our hearts thru the Cross. THERE IS NO STRONGHOLD HE CAN'T BREAK. NO LIFE HE CAN'T SAVE. NO RUINS HE CAN NOT REVIVE! He CAN use us to make a difference as we humble ourselves and pray, memorize and meditate on His Truth, put it into practice by His power and worship Him thru every trial, attack and persecution with hands lifted high NO MATTER HOW WE FEEL!</div>
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Lord, fight for us and they us like the mighty Warrior You are! We want to see Your glory!!! We give our lives for this!!!!</div>
shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-84916637372236919112013-07-11T07:38:00.000-07:002013-07-11T07:38:06.431-07:00What If?<br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); text-align: left;">I have worship playing loud on my back porch as I walk around and BEG God for the ruins to come to life! As I BEG God to help me seek Him with my whole heart in private and OUT IN THE OPEN so others might follow me as I follow Him.</span></div>
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What if the 20 people who read my blog and Facebook decide to seek Him with their whole heart?</div>
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What if the 15 teenaged girls who sit in my living room each week decide to seek Him with their whole heart?</div>
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What if the 20 people that gather on my back porch every Sunday night decide to seek Him with their whole heart? </div>
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What if the 100 kids in an orphanage I visit in Africa decide to seek Him with their whole heart?</div>
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What if the 10 ladies in my small group bible study decide to seek Him with their whole heart? </div>
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What if these 7 children I'm raising in my home decide to seek Him with their whole heart? </div>
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Surely if I seek Him with my whole heart in private and OUT IN THE OPEN...And I pour out His life into these precious ones He has called me to shepherd...then<wbr></wbr><span class="word_break"></span> they might seek Him with their whole heart ...and also go out and make disciples and lift high His Name...then together we could make Him known so the world could SEE that He truly is Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Life! </div>
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His Word is True and He is the God who makes impossible things come to pass so I will believe that this is why He has called me! ALL for HIS glory!<span class="fcg"> </span></div>
</span>shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-77488029961114247222013-07-10T09:59:00.002-07:002013-07-10T09:59:10.323-07:00He Calls Us Friends!<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">Jerome typed a rough draft of our financial records...what has come in and gone out thru KOMEO...for our donors and sponsors to see. He also typed up all the needs that have been met since Summer Gordon agreed to be a living sacrifice as our missionary in SL. He sent it to Shana Rutz and i to edit. (He loves Jesus but bless his heart he can't spell very well, we just laugh and blame it on his missing finger!) Shana works full time, runs our non-profit with every other waking moment and as for me, well, i have 7 kids....so eventually these will get edited and emailed out. AND I'M SOOOOO EXCITED!!! Here is why....</span><br />
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When looking this over for some reason it makes me cry tears of joy for all He has done thru us, the weak and powerless!!!! All the attacks, all the persecution, all the fears and anxieties, all the effort, all the time and money, I count it ALL as great joy because I count our lives as NOTHING except knowing Christ and making Him known and living out His commands with all of HIS power which works so powerfully in us...us, the dust that He daily breathes life into...us, the ashes He shows His beauty thru...us, the cracked jars of clay that He shines His glory thru. Lord let us lie down low with the orphan, widow, oppressed, thirsty, hungry, poor, broken. Let us suffer with them. Weep with them. Give them food and water and clothes and love and Hope knowing we are really giving those things to YOU! Let us not be strayed from your call to this and let us push every hindrance aside to do Your will with whatever strength, help and resources You provide. Let us have confidence with a clear conscience that one day we will bow before you knowing we lived to carry Your Name in all the earth and do Your will!!! Thank you precious Lord and King for calling us friends and letting us be a part of Your great work in Sierra Leone as well as our own nation...for such a time as this!!!!</div>
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Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other. (John 15:13-17 NIV)</div>
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Be encouraged fellow co-laborers. John 15 is what He is enabling every person connected with KOMEO to live out. Every prayer partner, every donor, every sponsor, every encourager, every missionary, every helper. He is bearing much fruit thru HIS ministry. He is using this small Gideon-like army with our fearful, fumbling, imperfect efforts to do great and mighty things that matter in His kingdom! Thank you for loving the least of these along side us with your time, money, prayers, support. You are holding our hands up in the battle!!!!</div>
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WE ARE SO BLESSED TO BE CALLED HIS FRIENDS!!!!</div>
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shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-86782874594466449952013-07-07T12:02:00.001-07:002013-07-07T12:02:58.104-07:00Gladly Boasting About My Weaknesses<br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Let me start by saying that God is so gracious to prepare us for trials and sufferings even before they come. That is why it is so important to stay connected to a body of believers thru a local church. His Word says to encourage one another daily so that our hearts are not hardened by sin's deceitfulness. It is also just as important to spend personal time in His Word and in His Presence to prepare for the opposition that WILL come if you are seeking to do His will. He often leads me to scriptures and messages as a way to speak to my heart to prepare me before a battle begins. This gives me great courage to fight thru it trusting that if He loved me enough to prepare me He will fight for me as well. The last sermon series at my church was focused on welcoming failures, trials and persecution as a sign of being in His will as well as rejoicing in sufferings of all kinds as a way of refining us. These sermons had a theme woven in of thanking God for trying things in ministry and failing and then learning thru our failures instead of not trying at all because we were afraid to fail. My husband, me and one of our very best friends, Shana Rutz are the co-founders of a non-profit ministry, KOMEO. Our ministry's focus is taking care of orphans, widows, the poor and needy in Sierra Leone, Africa as a way to further the gospel in this muslim nation. We have experienced MUCH persecution and many failures as our organization is young, understaffed and going thru growing pains. Keep this context in mind as you read this post. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">After days of intense pre-Africa warfare (and all the team members are suffering thru this right along side of us) I wake up to yet one more reminder of my clear inability and evident weakness. I dropped to my knees, prayed right there beside my bed, begged God for the strength to boast in my weakness because I could only do what He empowers me to. I Got up, came out side to my porch, pulled up the bible app and what was the verse of the day you ask?<br /><br />But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)<br /><br />I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!!! <br /><br />So let me do a little glad-boasting about my weaknesses...<br /><br />I'm laughing at the days to come! The God who cares FAR MORE than me about orphans being fed and having spiritual parents, children wandering from shelter to shelter and house to house instead of being placed in families, the widow being taken care of and her prayerful desires granted, a team of people visiting a Muslim nation to hold out Christ who is the Hope of their country, clean water given to villages who against all hope choose to believe in the Hope of Living Water, me being a faithful wife and caring mom, my life being holy and transparent with all my weaknesses and inabilities brought daily before Him...HE IS THE GOD who moves mountains for those who believe He can, who acts in behalf of the One who waits on Him, who uses and lets those created from dust boast in their weaknesses, who works all things together for good (including our failures) for those who love Him, who gives us the ability to rejoice in persecution, who is a mighty warrior fighting the battles He's in listed us in as we stand still in His Presence, who is our one Defense against every false assumption or accusation. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Why do I worry as though something strange were happening to me? Why do I expect that He wants me to be perfect when He, the Perfect One died so I didn't have to be? Can't I look at my life and reason that as time goes on I am putting His Word into practice more and more and rejoice in this? Surely I can look and see that giving away half of my income for the orphan to be cared in a foreign land as well as the gospel going forth in my local church, opening up my home week after week so disciples of all ages and social statuses can be made as an Acts community is formed, having my doors open to the wanderer who needs a place to rest for awhile, adopting fatherless children into my forever family, teaching my children who Christ is and what His ways are like, spending time daily in His Presence worshipping, memorizing, meditating on His Word and crying out for the things I see in Scripture that matter most to His heart, getting on my face in my closet just big enough to lay prostrate before Him and weep over my sin and disobedience as He reveals it to me. Surely THIS IS WHAT MATTERS most to Him. Not my perfection. Surely what matters is seeking Him with all my heart then putting into practice the command to lose my life for His sake the best way I know how with whatever strength and ability He gives. Surely what matters most is fighting to follow with all my fears and failures ever before me, pushing them aside with all His strength that works so powerfully within me. Surely what matters most is not the opinion of man or how successful my ministry is in the Christian community or how brilliant my children are in the homeschool circles or how caught up I am on my laundry and how well planned out my meals are for the week or how many followers I have for my blog and how many likes I get on my facebook posts. <br /><br />He is doing something in me. Something deep and wonderful and freeing. I am being refined thru my trials, thru persecution, thru every failure I am getting back up again, thru every accusation I am becoming more embolden instead of bitter, thru each rejection I am sorrowful in a way that leads to rejoicing, in the times I am misunderstood I am counting it joy because I know that He alone knows the way I take and He is who my conscious needs to be clear before. I am quicker to recognize my sin and see it as being against Him and grieving over this in a way that cleanses and makes me whole. When I hurt someone I feel an ache deep in my heart over this. I am realizing what it really means to lose my life for His sake and find it. I have NO POWER to do any of this on my own yet I feel unstoppable. I feel embolden. I feel empowered. I feel strong...like I could scale a mountain and leap up to the high places like a gazelle, no longer being Much-Afraid because He has transformed me into Acceptance-With-Joy. I feel He is taking every deeply ingrained weakness and turning it into a mighty strength for His glory as He alone is working holiness in my heart. Only Jesus Christ crucified and raised to life alive inside of me could bring me, the chief of all sinners (so I feel) to this place. And my mind can't even conceive the places He has yet to take me. I know His Word promises to take us from faith to faith and glory to glory. And ALL HIS PROMISES ARE TRUSTWORTHY AND TRUE! WOW....His love and power are beyond my comprehension. <br /><br />I am watching daily for Him, waiting expectantly for Him to take me deeper still despite me being crippled and unable to follow after Him unless He empowers me. Yet I know He will. He is my faithful God whom I can place all of my trust in. He has called me to far too much on purpose so I might never boast in my own strength and ability but only boast in my weakness because it is then that His power will rest upon me. </span></div>
shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-4604322860952558212013-06-30T08:56:00.003-07:002013-06-30T08:57:13.444-07:00Waiting on Him<br />
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Why do I let the sock tub pile up and put the laundry on hold and ignore the chaos around me and let my kids run on auto pilot to sit on my back porch for hours reading and praying and pondering deeply all things Jesus Christ? </div>
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Because I am desperate. </div>
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I am not good at this wife...mom...missionary...mentor...discipleship thing that Jesus has called me to. I have anxiety over kids that break down over missed-matched socks. I have guilt over people God has called me to that slip thru the cracks. I have frustration over soccer clothes that need to be washed weekly. I have fear over getting on a plane to Africa and leaving my household to be managed without me for 2 weeks. I carry other people's burdens with me in my thoughts all the way to bed. I am faced with my selfishness and covet comfort far too much. I have sinful habits that won't be broken easily and strongholds I can't seem to tear down on my own. I snap at my next-to-perfect (seriously) husband and see my precious child-blessings as a nuisance at times. So, I put everything else that seems important aside and choose to seek the Thing that is truly most important daily...weekly...yearly...so I can become like the One that I seek. I trust all the other things into the hands of the One who holds my heart and waits patiently for me to learn to wait on Him. </div>
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What really matters in this life? If not Jesus Christ crucified and risen then let's eat, drink and be merry for death is the end. But what IF He really IS what matters? What if my attitude and the way I treat people and how I love them because I am conscious of God is the heart of this life inside the gospel. Then I better spend time with the only One who has the power to change, reshape and mold my heart that is oh-so-deceitful and wants its own way. The socks, the laundry, the chaos, the kids, the mission work, the endless sea of people to pour into can wait while I wait on the only One who can give me any real power to make an eternal difference in and thru all of those things. </div>
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This morning I once again made a choice. To lay aside work that needed to be done...so the real work of sanctification could take place in my heart as I made myself available to Him. I am watching and waiting at His doorpost knowing that He is coming again soon. I am so thankful for this life inside of His Son. All the big tasks and little tasks have eternity in them when I am not living on yesterday's manna. Daily I will come to Him open-handed waiting hopefully and expectantly for Him to fill me with new hope and strength and mercy for the new day He has set before me! </div>
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Praying for passion with you all to join me in this!</div>
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shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-3399228734786181982013-06-28T21:53:00.001-07:002013-06-28T21:53:39.966-07:00It Is Not a Waste to Follow After You!<br />
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This blog was inspired by a line in a worship song that my friend Cristy Cash wrote...</div>
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It is not a waste to follow after You my Lord...</div>
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My baby is sitting next to me. The one who has been grafted into my family the way I have been grafted into His. Her beautiful almond shaped eyes bring me so much joy when I look into them...because I see Him. She is one of 7 living daily in my home who look to me to be a mommy. God brings so many others thru my front door and into my heart. I am not enough. Never enough. He keeps me way out in the deep. I am one person. One very weak person. But He lives. </div>
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My life is spent on loving Him because I believe that it is not a waste to follow after my Lord. I believe He lives thru me...and I see Him living thru so many others. If His Word is true then my life is found in losing it. Money and fame and man's approval can not be what my strength is spent on...it must be spent on loving Him. So in the really hard moments when I see clearly that my strength is feeble and I have failed for the ten thousandth time....I remind myself that He lives. I remind myself that this all matters to Him. He really does consider my service to the least of these as service to Him. It is precious to Jesus when I hold a child's hand in Africa or put a bandaid on their wound. He really does care when I stand over the sock tub and make a choice to thank Him for all the big and little feet that are represented. He cares when I take the time to laugh and play in the water with my 2 year old. He sees when I excitedly enter into a lengthy bug-conversation with my 4 year old. He takes delight when I open my home to one-more-child because they do not belong in a shelter but instead a family. When I write an impossible prayer request in my journal for someone I barely know He is moved by my faith and I can be certain He knows that person intimately. When I fall to my knees on my closet floor desperately asking for help He bends low to listen. When I weep over the way my sin and selfishness have affected others He weeps with me. When I memorize His word and meditate on it convinced that this is the way to true freedom He rejoices. When I choose sacrifice over comfort and obedience over self-indulgence and humility over pride I know the Cross and it's power are real. When I open up my home for people to worship Him and not for my own popularity I have confidence that He also is invited in. </div>
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My life is going fast. I walk thru my house and think years back. The rooms have been filled up a million times with so many people that my memory can not contain them all. But He knows them. Each and every one. He has given me honor by allowing me to welcome Him in as I have welcomed each person in. </div>
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Everything is different yet the same. The same God is moving in the same way as I see He has done for thousands of years in the Scriptures. Yet He is causing me to be different, more like Him. The same mirror over the the same vanity is revealing a reflection with a face that is a little more aged, with a little different glow of His glory. My house has the same structure yet the rooms are now decorated differently as others have offered me new beauty and inspiration and added space for the ministry He is growing right under my roof. </div>
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I don't have to leave my house to find Him. He is here. Always here. Always with me. If I want to live for the sake of the gospel...and I do...He meets me here and fills my desires with Himself. </div>
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When I am tempted to believe the lie that peace and quiet are found in my circumstances He shouts out to me in the chaos to still my soul and look for Him. He is here. He is real. I matter to Him. All the people that come into my home. They all matter. Each one is an opportunity for me to serve Him and love Him. </div>
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In three weeks I will get on a plane and fly to a little country in Africa filled with many people I love who look very different from me. Yet we were all created in the image of the same God. Each time my heart aches to leave all these precious ones right here in my own town nestled comfortably in my own nation many who come right under my own roof so Christ can love them thru me. Though God has called me to travel to a land very far away 12 other times the sacrifice is always a choice and a struggle. All the really BIG decisions and the really little decisions (which are really BIG decisions) matter. Every time I say yes to His will and choose His ways I lose my life to find His and I always realize in those moments that He really is worth it! So I will not look for my life in a relationship or a circumstance or security. Life will not be found any of those places because it is only truly found in Him. </div>
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shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-83902479899194202152013-06-22T08:51:00.002-07:002013-06-22T08:51:59.682-07:00His Mercy Fully Revealed!<br />
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I have been awake since 5. I have had sleepless nights and distress. Oh I am so happy for this! I am thankful that everything is not always perfect and that I stray and focus on non-eternal things and worship at alters that I shouldn't because it is in this that I see His mercy. Mercy over my sin. Mercy over the sin of others. </div>
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I have had blue-letter bible pulled up...obsessively searched the scriptures and wanted to know every single meaning of every single word in a verse I came across and scribbled in my journal a few days ago. I have prayed and wrestled thru line after line. Listened to worship lyrics that talk about His greatness and mercy as I struggled with my feelings and fears and insecurities not lining up with what His Word says. I have preached to myself as I have seen the places my feet have chose to walk that are not on the path He has laid before me. I have cried as I realized that His mercy and goodness were there for me before I ever took a step away from Him. He had a rescue plan already in place way back at the beginning of time before I was even created....knowing I would wander away in 10,000 ways. He knows the way I take. He alone knows it. His mercy is never exhausted because He loves me. Enough to die for me. Enough to leave heaven and rescue me. Enough to pursue me all the days of my life. All of my days. His goodness and mercy are here with me now...leading me all the way to an eternal life of unbroken fellowship with Him. His mercy is everywhere I look. His Word made available for me at anytime. My husband, children, friends. ALL HIS MERCY! His mercy is stopping plans that lead me away from Him. His mercy is keeping me up late and waking me up early so that my heart and mind will be saturated with His Truth. His mercy is leading me to pour out my thoughts of Him in pages of pages of journals and unending status updates and blogs written for years. All a record of His faithfulness towards me. And I am just one life. One life. He does this for the countless others. His love for them is not diminished in the least by His great love for me. </div>
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Last night I knelt on the floor with my best friend and the baby in her womb and prayed prayers of faith for strongholds to be broken in our lives. Today He woke me up at 5...showed me that not only is this possible but it is His greatest desire towards us. He passionately pursues my heart. He is fierce in His jealousy towards me. He never lets me go no matter how far my thoughts and feelings carry me. He never fails me or forsakes me no matter how many alters I worship at that are not the ONE TRUE alter. He chases me down with His goodness and mercy time after time after time. It feels so awkward to write this. It seems in some way as if it is heresy and it seems as if it means I am forsaking the holiness of Christ or cheapening His grace. NO! It is making me see His holiness and grace more! Something I do not deserve and will never fully comprehend this side of eternity because of its vastness. I want to hold out this Love and Mercy to so many in my life...but how can I effectively do this unless I understand it more for myself. I desperately want to understand the gospel in its fulness for me, trusting that I can then with great passion share it with others. </div>
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I want so much to be like Jesus. Conformed to His image. Everything of ME eradicated in the power of His Presence and washed clean by his Word. He held out Life to the world. But more precious, He held out Life to me. To me. I was powerless. I was destined to follow my own way. And IN HIS MERCY He rescued me. Even now. Today...He is rescuing me thru the Cross. I am still powerless. I can not obey or love of worship Him on my own. Not a single good thing in me apart from Him. Nothing. This may sound offensive to some but for me it is the road to freedom and enlarges my heart even more to His great mercy. If I cried every day from now until I went to be with Him the emotional pain would be worth it and not even remembered once I finally saw Him face to face. </div>
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Life is not about feelings, single moments or the circumstance we are currently faced with. Life is about God. Jesus Christ exalted and written down for us to read and drink in. Life is about us knowing Him, being like Him. Thanking Him for every single thing that sifts thru His fingers into our lives. ALL OF IT. The things that make us so happy our hearts might burst...the things that make us so sad we think we might cry forever. He is better! He redeems it all. He works it all for the good of those who love Him. THIS IS MERCY! Life is about a bunch of moments strung together by His grace. The really painful ones and the really happy ones. Life is about seeking, and waiting and TRUSTING. No matter what we FEEL. Life is about knowing that our destiny is in His hands and our way is being made straight...always being made straight as we keep our eyes fixed on His. Life is about knowing His ways are good and His commands are for our joy. Life is about knowing we are dust and He is a holy God and that He loved this dust enough to create a life out of it and breathe breath in us so we could worship Him and know His love in an intimate way. He created us to know Him and love Him and worship Him for all eternity because in His lovingkindness He knew this joy would be greater than all the pain. He loved us enough to create us.</div>
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I am so thankful for all the moments strung together by His grace, His Word that washes me clean, His Name that is a Strong Tower and His Love that is leading me thru the dark hours, the wilderness, the dry seasons, the confusion, the pain and the sin to a place of everlasting JOY. Joy that will never ever end as I one day know Him fully even as I am fully known. May my life be spent on the seeking and may I thank Him for every last breath that He gives until that day finally comes and I see His mercy fully revealed!</div>
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shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-49201797682261712482013-03-09T22:56:00.001-08:002013-03-09T23:02:21.351-08:00Guess Who's Moving to Africa?Dearest Friends and Co-Laborers in our Lord Jesus Christ. Oh how I love you! I am writing this letter to you as our March Komeo team is preparing to take a team of 8 to a land we love. God is good! He is rich in mercy!<br />
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I have something important to tell you.<br />
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I returned from Africa for the 12th time last month. <span style="background-color: yellow;">Two</span> weeks before I left I knelt on my laundry room floor and prayed about everything concerning my trip. The Lord brought my friend Summer to mind. I got up. Text her a simple message asking her to pray about coming with me...to consider that maybe the Lord had allowed her to 'not be working' right now for such a time as this. God had been speaking to her also. She text back her concerns about raising the funds. I assured her God would provide if she said yes. She text me a picture of her journal entry. She had already come to a place of complete surrender. Have your way Lord. Whatever you say, my answer is yes. He did the work in her heart before I ever knelt and prayed. I am in awe that the God of the universe weaves us into His glorious plan. With all of our weakness, sin and failures He still uses us! Oh His mercy over our lives.<br />
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Fast forward. We are in Africa. We are ending our first full day at the orphanage. Summer has met the daughter she has been sponsoring for the first time. We spent the day on the most beautiful beach in the world. Before we go to bed we decide to end this amazing day with worship. We stood in a circle with some of the most beautiful children in the world and wept as we watched them sing out, SCREAM out their love and affection for Jesus Christ...Children who have been orphaned over and over...Children who are growing into young adults with great dreams and plans in their hearts and nothing but faith in their hands. As the three of us girls wept, we sang with these precious ones declaring the faithfulness of our God through our tears. Oh the deep sorrow-filled joy we all felt. He rescued ALL of us! I have not felt His Presence that strong in a long time. As the missionaries we were on equal playing field with the orphans. We were in desperate need of a Savior and He rescued us! He did not leave us as orphans!!! He heard our cry and answered!<br />
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Summer started crying so hard she could barely breathe. She had to walk away. I went to her. Trying to catch her breath with tears streaming down her face she kept looking me right in the eyes repeating these words over and over through her sobs, "I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve to be here." And my response, "Oh precious friend, neither do I. That is why He has called us." <br />
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This is the life God uses. The life that says, "I am dust. I bring nothing to the table but my yes." <br />
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Two weeks before the trip Summer responded with her yes. For 2 years before that she had prayed over and over for God to increase her faith. She begged Him to help her know Him more deeply. She gave her yes and He answered her prayer in an orphanage 5,000 miles away from her homeland.<br />
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I called Jerome that night and told him about how precious Summer was to the Lord. I could see it. He loved her. He called her. He was moving heaven and earth to answer her desperate prayers. He saw. He answered. I was so overjoyed at the way she was experiencing His love for her. I did not find out until a few days ago that after that phone call Jerome prayed for Summer. He asked God to make her the full time missionary that a few of us had prayed for over a year ago in Crystal Drwenski's living room. <br />
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Fast Forward again. We were making the long 3 hour drive to Makeni to visit children at a Blind School many of us have a heart for. They had a new building and a year's worth of rice. We were going to rejoice with them at God's provision. We also wanted to visit 6 of our college boys who are running a church in that same town along with a full schedule of college classes. Summer gets motion sickness really badly. The exhaust from the vehicles caused such terrible nausea for her even on a short trip to town. But she went anyway. When we got to Makeni she had us stop so she could use the bathroom. She was so sick from the long drive. We walked through a dusty, dirty compound. She could barely lift her head and she had heat rash all up and down her arms. She looked up at me and said, "Why would God call me to a place where I am so sick and I am a burden?" I encouraged her. In our weakness His strength is made perfect. I hurried her along as she walked with her head down. She stopped me to show me a bright green heart made out of paper. What I didn't know until a few days ago is that her question to me carried more weight than I knew and that heart that stood out to her <span style="background-color: yellow;">amongst</span> all the red dust and trash was her answer from the Lord. In those moments the Lord was calling her to live in Sierra Leone full time as a missionary and she was wrestling with that call. She was wrestling with her weakness and inability to carry out His call and didn't tell me about it so I <span style="background-color: yellow;">wouldn't be</span> <span style="background-color: yellow;">disappointed </span>if she said no. <br />
<br />
Fast Forward again. We meet at Life Church to worship together in America for the first time since we've been home. I meet Summer in the lobby with tears streaming down her face as she talked with Stacey, the other girl who was on our team. I rushed the kids to child care and came right back so the three of us could pray. I return and Summer finally tells me that she feels called to take up her cross and follow Jesus all the way to Sierra Leone. She feels called to rent out her house, give up her career, cancel her health care plan, leave her cozy bed, warm showers and all the comforts of America. She has decided that though she loves the family and friends she sees every week...she loves Jesus more. She has decided that she wants to die to herself and say Yes to whatever He asks of her. She doesn't know how. It doesn't make sense. She doesn't know if she will be sick every day and have heat rash and be eaten alive by bed bugs. But she loves Her Lord and wants to obey Him. For years she has been praying to know Him more. To love Him is to obey Him. To obey Him is to know Him. She wants to obey.<br />
<br />
This is the life that God uses.<br />
<br />
She is an answer to our prayers for Komeo. She is an answer to Pastor Hassan's prayers for help. She is an answer to the children's prayers for a mum. Pastor is SO happy that she will come and live <span style="background-color: yellow;">there</span>. <br />
<br />
Summer has passions God has placed in her. She wants to be a house mum for the boys...lead bible studies every morning with the children...tutor the younger students...(She was a 5th grade teacher and has a love for teaching)...encourage the teachers and be a support to them...and sooooo much more. She spent the day yesterday writing out God's story of how He <span style="background-color: yellow;">led </span>her to this place. It is amazing the ways He began preparing her for this years ago. I will share her story with you as soon as she has it edited. <br />
<br />
The girls have Deborah and now the boys will have Summer. He has not overlooked our sweet boys or ignored their cry.<br />
<br />
I love you so deeply. I feel incredibly blessed to be a part of a community of believers who are white-hot in their worship of our Lord and King! You are truly a biblical, gospel-driven family to us! Thank you for honoring Him with your lives!<br />
<br />
Please rejoice with us and pray for Summer as she prepares to move next month.<br />
<br />
<br />
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shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-67471741468483259032013-03-02T17:12:00.004-08:002013-03-02T17:12:50.322-08:00Do You Feel Weak? He Is Stronger!
I am thinking very deeply about His mercy today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of seeing only my weakness I see His
strength alive inside of me.<br />
<br />
Last month, 2 days after I landed in Sierra Leone, I sat in
a church service with my little team of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>3 ladies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The preacher happened
to be the father of over 100 orphans who have completely captured my
heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a man I aspire to be
like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is my brother and friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has poured out His life for the sake of
the gospel in one of the poorest nations on earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel so overwhelmed with gratefulness every time God lets me
step foot on a plane to go and see these precious believers again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have so little to offer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Before his sermon he began telling the congregation that
there was someone he wanted to honor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He spoke such wonderful things about this person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He finally told them the person he wanted to
honor was me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(WHAT??)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He spoke to them about me being someone who
continued to come and visit even though most people had stopped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told them we were family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only for a lifetime but more than
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>FOREVER.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then he asked me to stand so the church could pray over me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
All I could do is weep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because everything in me
cried out:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I AM NOT WORTHY OF
HONOR!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Goodness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been trying to get the children fully
sponsored for years and some of them still aren’t even getting letters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I come with so little compared to the great
needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am distracted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t lead well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not organized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
just beg God to use me…to bring me back…and He does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Fast forward a few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am back home in my closet praying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My husband comes to find me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(Bless that man for putting up with my emotions!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He begins to talk to me to try and find out
what’s wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The tears start streaming
down my face and I spill out how weak I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How I have so little to offer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He has heard it a hundred times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I remind him that he goes to Sierra Leone and preaches the
gospel and puts in water wells and does BIG things and…and…and.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All I do is let the kids pile into my little
room in the corner of the orphanage and talk until the generator shuts off
forcing us all to sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tag along
with Pastor from village to village and beg God to use us to meet the endless
sea of needs in this nation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ride in
the car and sometimes all I can do is cry asking for God to do what I have no
power to accomplish. With just a tiny bit of faith I pray simple prayers asking
for the impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I come back to America fired up with a list of things in my
heart that me and Jesus will surely take care of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cry for about a week and then get distracted by changing
diapers and teaching math and doing laundry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I settle back into my struggle with sin and pride and walk around in
weakness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
So my sweet, patient husband sees that this will take awhile. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He pulls up a chair, looks down at me as I
sit on the floor of my closet crying and begins to encourage me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
He tells me things like: </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
“God uses your love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He uses your conversations and impromptu bible studies and prayer times
with the kids in the orphanage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God
uses your weakness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He turns it into
great strength.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He uses your not-enough
and turns it into more than enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
uses your prayers of desperation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not
because you are worthy of honor but because He is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not because you are the hero but because Jesus is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He brings good out of your intentions not
because you are good but because God is.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Precious believer, why do I share this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to offer you the same encouragement
my husband offered me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is my feeling
that so many in the body of Christ are not stepping out in faith to do His will
because they are paralyzed by their weakness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They are convinced that they could never be used by a holy God to make
an eternal difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is just not
true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
He uses the life that is willing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
He makes the one strong who brings their weakness before
Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
He raises the one up as a light that kneels before him in
the dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I am praying today for all those who feel weak to cast off
their sin, embrace their weakness and rise up in the power of the risen Christ
to do eternal things in His Name!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
you finally stand before Him how great will your joy be!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will be SO GREAT when you know that you
have not only ran the race HE SET BEFORE YOU but ran it well and finished
strong!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am praying today for all
those who are called to things you have not stepped into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May you respond in faithful obedience for
the glory of our God!</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
He is the one who is Worthy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His death demands our life!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is the Hero!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He died so we
would have power to live boldly in His strength!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let us live like this is true!</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I love you all more than my next breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really do.</div>
shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-84670378248176406152013-02-16T06:46:00.001-08:002013-02-16T06:46:20.581-08:00He Has Broken My Heart!
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
He has broken my heart in Africa…once again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But He is also healing it in new ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
When I was a little girl I grew up without a dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grew up watching my mom be abused by men.
I grew up watching my little brother’s dad adopt him…only to abandon him a few
short years later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grew up having men
molest me, rape me, when they should have been protecting me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grew up in a great battle for my soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The goal of the enemy…to take away my
ability to trust…to trust God as my Savior…to trust that I could give myself
fully to Him…to trust His plan for my life…to trust that whatever He asked of
me was for my good and not to harm me…to trust that He was not like the men
that abused me as a little girl…or even like the men I would later dance for in
strip clubs who saw only the value of my sexuality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God wanted more for me that what I had been given.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God in His goodness allowed pain, wounds and
trauma to be sifted through His sovereign fingers into my life so that I would
one day cry out to Him in desperation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The things done against me and the sin I willfully entered into almost
destroyed my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But God rescued me.
At just the right time. When I was powerless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When, in my wounded-ness and sin I had set my heart against Him…the only
One able to heal and make new…He died for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He pursued me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He saw every
traumatic event, every moment of rejection, all the moments I cried in
paralyzing fear as a child unable to understand the pain in my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unable to fix it or make it stop. He
saw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then at just the right time He came in
and saved the day…saved my life…and began making me whole.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I am not whole yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His work in me is not complete.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am still wounded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I trust more
and I’m afraid less but His work in my heart is not finished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walk with an incredible weakness and at
times feel as if I am constantly struggling to love deeply without fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet I am increasingly aware of His
faithfulness and goodness in all of this!</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I wouldn’t change anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
You see, now I am taking care of children who were wounded
and rejected even more deeply than I.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Here in my own home I have seen the wounds in the hearts of children I
care for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have seen the fear in their
eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The great struggle they have in
learning to trust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The confusion they
battle from not understanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>BUT I
have seen the power of God’s love transforming their lives as I choose to love
them deeply because He first loved me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I see them start to be able to trust as I recount His faithfulness over
and over to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see them start to
understand…start to blossom…start to be free as I pray day after day over
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see them start to believe that
God is good as I share His word with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I see joy burst forth as I snuggle and play with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know the work is not complete.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as I make myself available He is flowing
through me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The great beauty of this
is….HE IS HEALING ME through these grace-filled, moment-by-moment acts of
obedience to do His will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It requires
that I die to myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It requires that
I sacrifice and pour out my life when I want to cling to my comfort and control
my own days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My future is in His hands
and my healing is in my surrender to His will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I have returned to Africa time and time again only because I
feel such a call to the people of Sierra Leone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel as if He has carried me every step in my ministry to these
precious ones over the last 4 ½ years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All the dots seemed to be connected this visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He opened my heart this time to see a little
more clearly what He has been doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The nation of Sierra Leone has been broken by violence, greed…evil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only thing that can fix it is the
gospel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Money will never work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The love of God flowing through those
willing to be broken by what breaks His heart and resolved enough to persevere
and stay the course is what is needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He has asked many to open up their eyes and see…really see the pain…in
the hearts of the orphans…in the eyes of the people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And not only see but be moved to act.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love is action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Compassion is action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Consistent, steadfast action. I saw a fresh glimpse of what these
children have been through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are
growing into young adults.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The battle
in some ways is getting more fierce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They are carrying deep wounds into their adulthood from trauma you and I
will likely never be able to wrap our minds around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like me…they are walking with incredible weakness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have a man, their spiritual dad, who
has not shrunk back in his care for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They have a few missionaries who have kept their promise to not forget
or forsake them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what they need is
what I need…healing that comes from trusting God enough to love others deeply
with the same love they have been shown in the Cross.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This trip was my favorite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It really was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw a harvest
being reaped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came as one with very
little to offer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A small team of just 3
of us girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A little bit of
money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a LOT of love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I watched the missionaries pour love into
the children and the children pour love into the missionaries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I watched the once teenaged boys, now young
men, take constant care of us with the most endearing, pure affection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw young women full of pride at being in
the university while others humbly served us by cooking and cleaning for us
with joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My children have risen up and
call me blessed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could not be prouder
of them!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
On our 24 hours of travel to Sierra Leone, us 3 girls shared
our stories with each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We each
had stories of pain, weakness, and failure BUT each of us is now relentlessly
pursuing the God we love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that
in the 12 days God kept us on African soil He poured His love and comfort and
healing balm into our lives through the children…and He did the same for the
children through us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I will never understand the mystery of the glory of the
gospel of Jesus Christ but I will always praise Him for its beauty and
power.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will spend all of my days in
worship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pouring myself out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trusting deeper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Loving greater.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All in
hopes that the kingdom of God will be lifted up and His Name made great through
my broken life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will say yes to the
next stranger He asks me to invite in, the next wound he asks me to bandage,
the next brother he asks me to be persecuted with, the next widow He asks me to
visit, the next orphan He asks me to care for…I will say Yes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t care if I am called a fool…I will
spend my life worshiping Him in this way!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As I do may my healing come and His light shine in the darkness through
me.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
What has He asked you to do in His Name..For His glory?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever it is, let your answer be yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He can be trusted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I promise your joy will no know bounds!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will give you all the grace you need every single moment.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Precious believer…join me in pouring out our lives for
the sake of the gospel and our King!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
is worth it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will see Him and know
Him in greater ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, this alone is
reason enough to be a living sacrifice!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span>shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-18051020669025753652013-02-13T05:45:00.003-08:002013-02-13T05:45:38.610-08:00My Quest for Joy
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I went to Africa on a quest for Joy.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Where do I begin?</div>
<br />
God is faithful. So faithful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even when I am not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
can not change who He is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love this
about Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love that He is perfect
and constant in His character and never changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am learning to take great comfort in His sovereignty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am seeing Him less as human and more as
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is not like us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is holy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>High and lifted up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His ways are
not our ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact they are far
beyond understanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is the most
beautiful mystery I have ever known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
He has rescued me from the pit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Brought me from darkness to light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has peeled back layer after layer of His greatness for me to
see over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never would have
imagined I could know such joy, beauty, sorrow, pain, purpose all bound up in
His Son alive inside of my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I keep getting these snapshots of what He intends for
spiritual family to look like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
intimacy and care that He wants for us to have for each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Letting go of every non-eternal thing that
doesn’t matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Casting off every idol
and sin that gets in the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Intentionally growing deep roots with people and inviting strangers into
the family He is creating among us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There is always room for another if they are willing to come and make
their home with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one will be
turned away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are many rooms in
His house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see an earthly picture of
this when 100 orphans are piled into a few small spaces in Africa living as one
family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see it when God brings one
child after another into my own home here in America.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This space He has given us is filling up with people and our
hearts are filling up with joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because this is what matters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living together to bring Him glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Serving Him together for the joy of
others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
So when I feel weary, foolish, rejected by man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart cries out…YOU ARE FAITHFUL…YOU ARE
THE ONLY ONE I AM LIVING FOR…YOU ARE MY PORTION AND MY REWARD…YOU ARE WORTH
EVVERY TRIAL, TEAR AND SUFFERING…YOU ARE MY SOURCE OF JOY!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not my spacious living conditions. Not my
material possessions. Not my status among men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No, YOU Lord Jesus are my joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Living to do your will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living
to fight the good fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living to know
You more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living to pour out my life
for your causes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living to make You
known to others. This is where true joy is found.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This joy inside your Son that wells up despite poverty of spirit,
lack of resources, weakness and inability to live for you on my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your joy can not be taken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a gift from you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What you have given to me, no man can take
away. Your joy is deeply rooted in me by the power of your Spirit and it’s
evidence is known to me more and more as I seek You and obey what Your Word
calls me to. </div>
<br />
When I got on a plane to fly to Africa for the 12<sup>th</sup>
time 2 weeks ago I was on a quest for joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had determined to fight for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had spent a great deal of effort seeking it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew if I was going to not grow weary in
doing His will that I must have joy even if it meant chasing it down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I searched the Scriptures, fasted, prayed
out loud on my knees, asking God over and over like the persistent widow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He heard my cries and answered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am back in my home country and I have
brought His Joy with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is real,
alive and rooted in my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has
given it to me and I will hold onto it with all of His power that is a work
within me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
He died for us while we were His enemies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We brought nothing to the table but
sin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gave us life when we deserved
death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How much more does He want to
give us the good things we ask for now that we are His children?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask Him for what seems impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watch as He answers in ways that are beyond
your comprehension.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a good God
and He has good gifts in His hands to give us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let us seek Him and wait on Him in trust to provide everything we need
for life and godliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He who is
faithful (even when we are not) WILL DO IT!</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Praying for you precious ones!</span>shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-20868400520544145522012-11-29T09:14:00.001-08:002012-11-29T09:14:15.058-08:00The Power of a Raindrop <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-size: 18px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969); font-size: 18px;"><div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">I am overwhelmed with His plans. All morning long I have been remembering conversations I have had in the last couple of years and I am seeing how they all fit with what God is doing today. I did not know that it was God </span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">speaking,</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> the words passed in one ear and out the other</span><span class="s3" style="font-size: 9px; line-height: 10px;"><span class="bumpedFont20" style="font-size: 2em; line-height: 21px;"></span></span><span class="s4" style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 9px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 10px;"><span class="bumpedFont20" style="font-size: 2em; line-height: 21px;">ostensibly</span></span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> without effect. I did not know that they were rippling through eternity with power. My heart should have stopped as I listened. What power he wields! He whispers in our ears the smallest message, just a drop of water</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> falling from the sky</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">. Before we know it the drops</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> from all locations</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> form a river that changes the face of the earth. Mountains leveled</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">and valleys</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> formed</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">! </span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">Before we know it new beauties are formed and old beauties are forgotten.</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"></span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">My mind wants to see every drop that was responsible but I cannot as one enters my mind another is lost. As I ponder each drop I am amazed at His power but I cannot predict or see the plan. But when the new beauty forms I am amazed. I see it and know that it is good!</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"></span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">How amazing He is! I love you God! It is too simple for </span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">You</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> to form or level mountains with the snap of Your finger. Instead</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">You</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> orchestrate a chorus of the smallest raindrops to paint the most amazing detailed pictures. A man could take a lifetime and never see all the details of one of them!</span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">Lord please take every moment of my life and form </span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">Your</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">raindrops. Fill my life with the purpose of Your Glory. Expand my heart so I can see Your Glory. May every thought and every word be under </span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;">Your</span><span class="s2" style="line-height: 21px;"> control. Help me see Your power in everything I do!</span></div>
</span>shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-53322611612507521462012-10-12T19:09:00.001-07:002012-10-12T19:11:13.734-07:00He is Worth it ALL!My BFF text me tonight to ask me to <span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="font-family: ".Helvetica NeueUI"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;">process my anxiety....here was my response: </span><br />
<span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="font-family: ".Helvetica NeueUI"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;"></span><br />
<span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="font-family: ".Helvetica NeueUI"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;">(And really I have been so convicted to write in this blog...more than anything so that I will have a written record of my journey and for anyone else who might need encouragement as desperately as I do daily...so this was an easy way to express where Jesus and I are at and encourage you without writing it a second time. We all know convos with our closest friends are when we are the most transparent and vulnerable so I am kinda going out on a limb here.... AND 6 children is making me into the master multi-tasker! AND I love that God invented copying and pasting! OK, that's all of my random thoughts for now.)</span><span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="font-family: ".Helvetica NeueUI"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span><br />
<div>
<span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="font-family: ".Helvetica NeueUI"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;">Ok, I think I might know what is going on. I'm REALLY being purified. I'm tearing down the straw man that I am even a teeny weeny bit righteous on my own. I think He is still revealing to me layers at a time of the gospel. I asked to know it, be worthy of it and live it out back when we were meeting in your condo. This is all part of that answer. He's wanting to show me how human and dust-like I am so I do not become self-righteous or self-sufficient or for a moment try to live on yesterday's manna! He's wanting me to see the glory and the beauty of the cross for ME so I can teach it to my children, my friends, my enemies, strangers. I can not teach effectively what I do not know. I prayed to grow in the knowledge and grace of Jesus a few months ago. He's pulling back His shield and protection a bit so I can see that my only Worth and Hope is Jesus and then to preach this from the mountaintops. I feel a bit like Samson when his hair was cut and his strength was gone. The difference is I know He is controlling and managing all of this chaos for His glory and my good and for a precise purpose! He's teaching me to walk in grace and holiness by being desperate and humble. Crystal ,He has done a miracle in my life. I'm a living, walking miracle. I could not live a second without Him. I would be crushed by the weight of it all. Yet I know I'm called to give and serve and lay down my life EVEN more...yet I'm maxed out. So He's pruning me, adding on extra weights to build my spiritual muscles for my benefit and the benefit of those around me. He has made me a mother to the Nations and is building generations through me...yet I'm Peter. I'll deny Him in my own flesh but in His Spirit I can scale a wall and move a mountain. I'm 'getting' grace. I'm understanding it. I have to fall at the mercy seat of the cross! I have to find my strength and worth and purpose and power there. And I have to teach others this truth! So here's the logistics...</span></div>
<div>
<span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="font-family: ".Helvetica NeueUI"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;"></span> </div>
<div>
<span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="font-family: ".Helvetica NeueUI"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;">In my humanness I'm just wanting to homeschool my kids and do the laundry and discipline in love and have long talks and quality time with the kids here at home and have a 'normal' life...and...and... and realizing that isn't going to happen!!!! I am not normal because Jesus will not let me be. I'm stuck! I'm so desperately in love with Him that I can't turn back. I'm so far out in the deep that the shore us nowhere in sight and He's calling me DEEPER STILL! Yet if I take my eyes off Him for a millisecond I'm drowning!!! He won't take away names a faces of kids needing education in Sierra Leone, He won't let me ignore the reality that the godliest people I know can turn out to be like David in the bible. He won't let me just have a normal life. He won't. He wants me poured out until nothing is left and then return to His Well to refill on His Living Water so I can be poured out again! <br />And He won't let me turn to false comforts or quick fleshly relief to escape the weight and pain and hardness of it all because He's teaching me that true joy in the midst of the weight and pain and hardness of it all is only found in Him! Ok....there you have it. Aren't you glad you asked for details. <br />Oh thank you for letting me throw up in you. I know you are in the thick of wedding planning and I hate to unload on you but I feel a weight lifted. So few get me or understand. I know you know. And I know you'll pray. And I know you'll rejoice with me when new fruit sprouts on the vine and when a harvest of righteousness and peace are produced in me from this season of submitting to His loving discipline!!! I love you sweet BFF!</span></div>
<span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="font-family: ".Helvetica NeueUI"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;"></span><br />
<span class="ecxApple-style-span" style="font-family: ".Helvetica NeueUI"; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><br />
<br />shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-86848912776473842922012-10-10T14:52:00.001-07:002012-10-10T14:52:19.621-07:00God of the HopelessWritten by Jerome:<br />
<br />
There were 6 in the room including me. I looked around, every wall of the converted garage was covered with large posters of Eddy from Iron Maiden fame. LSD was blazing through my veins. Yes everything was normal except for the words that I was hearing. One of my good friends was bringing a startling message:<br />
<br />
“This will show them.” <br />
“What other way will we get their attention?" <br />
“What other HOPE do we have?" <br />
<br />
5 sets of LSD flushed eyes stared back at him but there was no response but a clear tacit approval. He is serious and no one was arguing with him! Finally after a few minutes some responded that they were with him. I wanted to argue, mainly because I was afraid of dying, but I did not have anything to argue back with. I hated my life, why shouldn’t I kill myself? I was tormented. I hated the world and all of its BS. Anytime I would try anything in hope, I failed. I knew even if I went back to school or got a good job or started a family I would still be miserable. Fear was alive in my body. I was afraid to die. Even if I said no they could still kill me. <br />
<br />
I was the first to say no. It all passed. It probably was the LSD that made me afraid for my life. But the hopelessness was real and he meant what he said. I wanted to die. It was an appealing message that caused 5 of us to stare and think. The speaker was a good friend of mine. He went on to get married and have a couple of kids. One day the American dream died for that family as he pulled a gun out, killed his wife and then put a bullet in the back of his head. Poor kids.<br />
<br />
Now the Hope of the world pulses through my veins. He fills my days with hope and it runs though me like a river. Every day as I awake! I call to my Hope! With You I could live in the pits of hell and still find joy! What the world searches for in drugs, relationships, money and fame I have in you my Hope. Why You saved me I do not know! But an even greater mystery is why you give me Hope today. Why you use me to bring Hope to others?? I feel Your power and I see Your wind rush through my life! <br />
<br />
OH HOW I LOVE YOU GOD OF THE HOPELESS! YOU ARE WONDERFUL IN ALL YOUR WAYS! I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU! <br />
<br />
Ha! One day I was hopeless and could not think of a good reason to live! BUT NOW BY DYING I AM FREE TO LIVE!!! HELP ME TO DIE TO MYSELF MORE! I am like a drug addict searching for little of Your Presence. Just as a drug addict gives up thing after thing for what he wants most I will bring everything I have to the cross until my house is empty! <br />
<br />
For you I sing I dance! I WILL NOT FORGET WHERE YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME FROM. YOU ARE TRULY THE GREAT GOD OF THE HOPELESS!! shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-63101824652358141382012-04-25T15:11:00.001-07:002012-04-26T07:15:50.935-07:00The Power of a Father's Love<span style="font-size: 9pt;">1 Thessalonians 2:11 For you know that we dealt with
each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging,
comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his
kingdom and glory. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 9pt;">One of the big fears that I had going into
this trip was failure. You see Shanna had spent 10 trips telling stories of how
awesome I was. She probably had never told one story of me being worn out,
snapping at the kids or just having a really apathetic day. I fail as a father
and as a follower of Christ on a regular basis. So the real Jerome was about to meet 108 children that call me
“Dad Jerome”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if I was amazing the
whole trip I still was only one man with so many children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the orphanage wall as I walked in I was
confronted with a message in big letters written “Welcome Dad Jerome”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 9pt;">All the boys gathered around and the suitcases
were carried in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After talking to my
son Benjamin in person for the first time I opened a suitcase and started
giving bibles out to the boys that needed one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I preached to them 2 Peter 1<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“And we have the word of the Prophets made more certain, and you will do
well to pay attention to it as to a light in a dark place. ABOVE ALL YOU MUST
UNDERSTAND THAT NO PROPHECY CAME ABOUT BY THE PROPHETS OWN INTERPRETATION…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 9pt;">As I walked about the orphanage that night
boys were all over studying the bible. Many brought questions, some ask me to
quote scriptures to them and then asked me to teach them. One question turned
into about an hour-long bible study with about 12 boys! Some vowed to memorize
scripture like me…All the way until
about 130 or 2 AM in the morning this went on and on.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: 9pt;">The next morning I woke up at 5 AM to an
unexpected sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Muslim call to
prayer was broadcast loudly all around the orphanage. A few hours later we
headed to the soccer field. The boys wanted to hold a soccer game between the
high school and college boys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The field was
highly un-level and it was covered with sand, rocks and holes. Very dangerous
but I could not resist playing with them so I inserted myself into the game. It
was really hot and humid but I was determined to play. I felt faint near the end
but I kept thinking, “I am not going to let them down by having to leave the
game”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I scored the first goal, broke
one of my toes but I survived. Later when Shanna asked my son Solomon his
favorite part of the trip he said, “Dad scoring the first goal in soccer and
also leading people to Christ with him.” HA!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not exactly on the same scale. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 9pt;">Later that night the as I was quoting 1
Thessalonians the Lord spoke to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
came to this scripture….</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 9pt;">1 Thessalonians 2:11 For you know that we dealt with
each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging,
comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his
kingdom and glory. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 9pt;">I felt God encouraging me to obey this
scripture. So I sought out several of the older boys and told them how proud I
was of them. One by one I saw extreme joy on their faces as I listed reasons I
was proud of them. The last was the most notable though. Gabriel was with me
about 1 AM when I walked up to my room. I told him I was proud of how well he
performed in soccer earlier. I told him I was proud of his hard work in college
and I told him I was proud of how bold he is in the Lord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked stunned when I was saying these
things. He very quickly said bye and left. 15 minutes later he returned with a full
page letter talking about how much he loved me and how much he thanked God for
me and Shanna.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>15 minutes later I walked downstairs
and he was co leading a random bible study with about 25 boys! They all had
their new bibles in hand and were taking turns telling the stories that inspire
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here we sit thousands of years
later and boys thousands of miles away are telling THE Story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Story of a strong Father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 9pt;">I was scared on this trip. What do you say to
a boy that has never known his father?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What do you say to a boy that has seen his father slain in cold blood?
What do you say to a boy you will probably only see once a year. I do not even
do a good job with my boys that I am with every day. You tell him about the
strongest Father! The Father who can never be taken away. You tell him of the
Father who was slain to protect His children. You tell Him this Father is stronger
that death! You tell him “He is strong with Justice and Love!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Compassionate, Loving, Fierce!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You urge him to live a life worthy of God
who calls you into His kingdom and glory! The only Father worthy of praise!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<br /></div>shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-34901902783143560272012-04-19T10:44:00.004-07:002012-04-19T10:47:51.431-07:00Can You Help...I got this email this morning from our DHS case worker...what is your part in caring for the fatherless so these scenerios end in Jesus' Name...<br /><br />Hello. We have a special foster care need that I would like you to share with yourgroup. This need is critical, and needs to be bathed in prayer to find the right solution.<br /><br />We have 3 children in DHS custody. Their parents were drug dealers and were in andout of jail. The children witnessed a drive-by shooting. They were shuffled from onerelative to another to another. They lived with aunts, grandparents, second cousins,etc. They have also had DHS involved in their lives from an early age; when the oldestboy was two months old, his mother had left him alone in the home for a day becauseshe was too high to remember him.At last count, each of the children has lived in more than 25 different homes. So youcan imagine the trauma they have dealt with. Then, they were adopted by a DHSworker, who sexually abused the boys. He is now in jail, and the children were onceagain forced to move.At present, the oldest boy is in a loving, caring foster home that wants to adopt him.<br /><br />Normally, we do not like to break up siblings, but he has requested to the judge thathe be allowed to stay there, and I think that is going to be allowed.So we are left with the two younger children. The boy is 11. He is placed in a group home and has been doing very well since we moved him there. We would like to keephim there for the time being.His sister, though, is having a rough time. She was in a foster home that wasn't reallyequipped to deal with her issues. The foster dad has cancer and was too weak to dealwith her effectively. The foster mom loved her and wanted to keep her there, but thefoster dad said no. So we moved her to a "therapeutic foster home" in Spencer. Thefoster mom there immediately took a disliking to the girl and has sabotaged the placementfrom the beginning. The girl told us she would rather live in the shelter than in this home.<br /><br />Both children have suffered severe trauma in their lives. Both have been sexually and physically abused. They have trouble trusting adults. They get angry. They will curse.They will yell. They might even throw things.But, they can be taught proper behavior.<br /><br />The group home the boy is in has taught him"safe" ways to handle his anger, and he is doing very well at it.<br /><br />We need a home that is willing to take in the girl at this time, with the idea that they would take in the boy once the girl gets settled. The home should preferably be onewith no young children in it. The foster parents should be able to love on these children when they are angry and understand that that is their way of expressing the frustrationsthey feel from a world of adults that have constantly let them down.The home should be willing to allow a trauma therapy counselor to meet with them andthe children on a regular basis to help them through these issues. The home should bewilling to allow the children regular contact with their siblings, previous foster parents,case workers, etc., because the children need more connections in their lives.Most importantly, the home should be people who will stick with them through the rough times and not abandon them like every other adult they have ever known.Please pray about this and forward this to anyone who may be willing to make a differencein these children's lives.<br /><br />Dave Parker<br />Child Welfare Specialist II<br />Canadian County<br />9A7901 E. SH 66, El Reno, OK 73036<br />(405) 295-2037, cell 623-6241shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-55383316266596895992012-03-31T13:27:00.002-07:002012-03-31T13:54:39.842-07:00I Once Was Fatherless...My heart is breaking for the fatherless. I know God has put me in the middle of messy situations so my heart would be broken and I would open my eyes and heart and respond. <br /><br />4 years ago I did not stay awake at night distressed over fatherless children. We have had many people live with us the last 14 years of our marriage. Our home has always been a place for the wanderer to rest for awhile. But everything is changing. We now have a sponsorship program for 100 orphans in Africa and 3 foster children living in our home. I do believe God is asking us to take in 2 more. <br /><br />WHAT IN THE WORLD are you thinking Lord...and WHY IN THE WORLD me???<br /><br />Maybe it's because I was once fatherless. <br /><br />My mom had me when she was 16. I met my dad for the first time when I was 5. He has never been a consitant part of my life. My mom was fatherless. Her dad was in prison 3 times, the last time for 23 years. She was a fatherless teenager trying to raise a fatherless child. Since there were no Christians involved in our lives and she was trying to make it on her own without Jesus you can probably figure out where her efforts led her and I. Not to very good places. I experienced sexual abuse and ended up working in the sex industry from 18 to 22. I had no hope. I was destined to produce more fatherless children and repeat the cycle.<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Aaawww</span> but then Jesus came and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">rescued</span> me...and later her. <br /><br />Now I am no longer fatherless. I have had a perfect Daddy for the past 15 years. A Daddy who rescued me and put people in my life to love me with His love. How could I not do for others what He has done for me. I have His commands written to me in His word. I have read them over and over and over for years. I have experienced first hand the shame, rejection and pain of living without a daddy for so long. <br /><br />How could I ignore the pain I see in these kids lives. All hundred and something of them who have become precious to me and always have been precious to God. I can not make a difference in every fatherless child in the world. But I can for the ones He puts before me by the power of His Spirit alive inside of me.<br /><br />This morning He asked for my obedience once again. Once again I have wrestled through all the reasons why I can't. But in the end He has brought me back to this simple Truth....I have been rescued and loved and brought into His family after years of pain and hopelessness...and now I must give my life for these children and welcome them in His Name. <br /><br />Please help me by your prayers.shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-66884009540314006012012-02-23T15:19:00.004-08:002012-02-23T16:15:01.962-08:00My Living HopeI have woke up the last few days feeling distant from Him, almost separated from His Presence. I have found it hard to get out of bed and have to force myself to spend time with Him. But I do. Because I know I can not make it on my own. Throughout these last few days He has been faithful to give just enough strength to get through the moments. My circumstances are good. No major trials. Just finding it difficult in meeting the physical and emotional needs of the kids. And tired. Really tired.<br /><br />I asked my 12 yo yesterday if he ever has a day where he feels far from God for no real reason. He laughed and said no like I was crazy :) Just wait precious one. Just wait ;)<br /><br />Life is hard. But He knows I am dust. He knows I am weak.<br /><br />One of my children asked me today after our devotion why God even sent Jesus to live on the earth through Mary. It is nonsense isn't it. What kind of God would give up heaven to come live as a human. As I explained the beauty of Him being completely 100 percent God yet choosing to come and live as a human and suffer so that He could be our merciful High Priest my heart was encouraged. He knows what I go through because He lived in a body. He knows what it means to be hungry, tired, tempted and to have a range of emotions in the midst of life on earth. He knows. He CHOSE to know intimately what I would go through. Because of this He sympathizes with me in my weakness.<br /><br />I live in this tent of a body that doesn't always work right. I have jacked up emotions even after years of chasing hard after Him. And even when I muster up all my best intentions I still fail time and time again.<br /><br />But today...oh today. Something beautiful happened. I slowly got through each moment. I still felt tired. I still felt weary of earthly living and longed for heaven. But, regardless of my feelings I fixed my thoughts on the cross. All day. I made every effort in this and He made it happen. I talked to Him openly and honestly about how I felt and how much I needed Him, I read His word, I listened to worship music, I sang quietly to Him under my breath, I cried out to Him in my heart and I chose to think about His sacrifice and forgiveness and grace. So Here I am at the end of what has seemed to be the never-ending day. I am still tired. My body still aches. I still do not feel 'happy' but I am full of HOPE.<br /><br />Because of the cross I can rejoice. Because of the cross, even if my emotions stayed this way (and they won't) I could make it. Because of the cross I did not have to turn to fleshly vices to try and fix my not-so-great emotions. Because of the cross when my 6 yo threw an all out fit me and 2 of my other children sat and prayed and sought God for wisdom and watched Him answer. Why did he act like that over something small and trivial...the same reason I do. He is a sinful human who needs Jesus. I was able to teach Him this and extend the same loving discipline, grace and fofgiveness that I receive. Because of the cross I did not 'react' to my emotions in several other situations.<br /><br />The older I get...the more time goes on and I seek Him and find Him and see Him as He truly is...the more thankful I am for this precious Saviour of mine. He is my daily, moment by moment, living HOPE! There is nothing I want more than Him. There is nothing I need more than Him. I simply can not make it on my own. Even when I think I can it is a terrible lie. So I welcome these days. I welcome these reminders that I am weak, I am dust and He alone is the strength of my life!!!!shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-31999648496371846132012-01-27T08:36:00.000-08:002012-01-27T08:57:29.525-08:00The River of Blood Hit the Dirt<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnWKuGmJIo2M9pNeoSf4UazGEWKRKYRucyrxgUgczTUFNHufQUxp4g3C8pcxV-lG70nke6Ev7LUqZyI3vVYNXaAR59tWHvqkvhhOA8le9s7OzX8YCzPSJdvQX_qwkyWOjlIfVNPq1ezTR6/s1600/worship.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 276px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5702356954135337698" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnWKuGmJIo2M9pNeoSf4UazGEWKRKYRucyrxgUgczTUFNHufQUxp4g3C8pcxV-lG70nke6Ev7LUqZyI3vVYNXaAR59tWHvqkvhhOA8le9s7OzX8YCzPSJdvQX_qwkyWOjlIfVNPq1ezTR6/s320/worship.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><div>This post was written by my husband, Jerome Crawford.<br /><br /><em>The river of blood hit the dirt.<br />And the whole earth mourned. </em><br /><em>And the whole world shook.<br />As we watched, they nailed Him to a tree.<br />Oh the wretched souls of sinners like me.</em><br /><br />Do you ever wonder what it was like in that moment? I wonder what it felt like for Peter in that moment “when the blood hit the dirt”. Oh the regret! Knowing how much he had resisted Him. Even to the point of rebuking the Creator. Oh the shame! Knowing his last act of denial was witnessed by beaten Christ as He was dragged along on the way to the cross. Oh God! The regret and shame must have been overwhelming!<br /><br />My soul hurts for him because I know exactly how it felt! Every day I feel the weight of my sin! I cry out for mercy! Oh the regret that I do not seek Him more! Oh the shame! The times I deny Him with my sin! Sometimes I cannot lift my head because I know He is in the room and I want to be more for Him.<br /><br /><em>Faint and weary You have sought me.<br />My savior God to the cross you have bought me.<br />What a Love You sung for my salvation.<br />What a cost Your <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">wondrous</span> incarnation.<br />God you came. God you came. God You came down.</em><br /><br />I am not sure when Peter realized that all that blood hitting the dirt was for him. He denied Him while He was on the way to die for Him. When the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">ephinany</span> came it must have been overwhelming. “I denied Him when He was on the way to die for me but He just kept walking on". What a joy it is to know that while we still sin everyday right in from of Him GOD KEEPS WALKING! The blood still hit the ground!<br /><br />Oh God please do not let me take this for granted! Many will watch the blood fall and not be moved an inch. They will go about their lives just accepting who they are, ignoring the sound of the river that has hit the ground and will soon wash them into eternity. But I will not! I will feel the weight and I will cry out for Your mercy! I will submit to the current of that mighty river and seek Your face! The current will drive me to holiness and discipline. Oh God you came down and watched our denial, our shame...and You still keep walking. So I will keep walking toward more knowledge of you, more sacrifice for those in need and more holiness in my life! I will make war against myself till the day I die!</div>shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-47477428698084405782012-01-14T10:37:00.000-08:002012-01-14T11:34:30.487-08:00Sacrifice and SufferingAs I follow Him it seems like my life is defined more and more by sacrifice and suffering. I thank Him for this, realizing it is an honor. But it doesn't mean it is any less difficult. <br /><br />In recent years some of the things He has led us into have been heart breaking. Friends have misunderstood us. People in ministry have opposed us. Enemies have ridiculed us. Family has rejected us. Those we served have attacked us. People we love have been shamed and we've been persecuted for standing with them. Friendships have been left to run on auto-pilot because I'm steeped in raising 6 children in America and 100 more in Africa. Jerome and I literally laugh each week as the new trial comes in full force. We are no longer surprised. I am learning to rejoice quicker, even if it is through tears of sadness or confusion. <br /><br />God pours out grace and mercy in the midst of these things. He has given us a few incredibly supportive friends, a handful a supporters who faithfully help us, and an insatiable craving for more of Him. <br /><br />I have learned more about the gospel these last 3 years than I have the first 12 that I walked with Him. It makes so much more sense to me now that He tells us to do things like take up our cross and follow Him, to find our lives we must lose them, to share in His sufferings is an honor. Now I see that the things of this world really don't satisfy. Now I delight to store up treasures in heaven knowing that He is the Pearl of great cost and giving our lives for His <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">kindgdom</span> is where true joy is found! <br /><br />A lot of my days are hard. I wake up with my sinful self asking for His mercy and guidance and Presence because I simply can't get through the day without it. I am in way over my head and am drowning in my weakness the moment I take my eyes off of Him. My day is filled with caring for children, that part I love, the part I don't like at all is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">discipling</span> them. It is messy, they all have their issues and personalities that clash and their own areas of sin that they struggle with. I am the one responsible for training them in righteousness...NO PRESSURE! I fail most times but hit the mark here and there and trust His grace to cover it all! <br /><br />I sneak in a few phone calls to my African children and the pastor they call Dad to see how everyone is doing. Most of my text conversations are with my friend over how much rice the kids need, when their tuition is due, which ones are sick and need medical care and how we can meet the needs of all 100 of them with a few loaves of bread and fish?? My prayers are consumed with asking for helpers, strength to stand firm against opposition and for God to graciously keep using us in their lives. <br /><br />My days of play dates, hair appointments, shopping, coffee with girlfriends, phone conversations just to chat are no where in sight. <br /><br />I am not complaining because my life is richer and deeper than it has ever been. Every single sacrifice He has asked me to make has been worth it. Every ounce of suffering that He has asked me to share with Him has brought joy beyond measure. He is the Pearl of great cost and I will keep sacrificing and suffering if it means I know Him more!shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-53624210543339763612012-01-07T13:49:00.000-08:002012-01-07T15:07:27.021-08:00ConfessionsI am a week or so into a 40 day fast. I am trying not to keep up with the days so I don't lose heart. I felt the Lord leading this and I was excited because I LONG to be closer to Him. I long to have Him do spring cleaning right in the middle of winter inside my heart. Honestly my heart can be so <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">deceitfully</span> wicked at times. I do not even understand myself. So I am doing whatever it takes to be closer to the One who does. Here is where I am at in the process...<br /><br />I am a mess. I have so much junk that I have shoved in the recesses of my heart because I do not want to have to deal with my sin. I distract myself with a thousand little gods. I have things I have tried to 'hide' from God because at times I simply do not believe His word enough to put it into practice. Then at the right moment when my heart is attentive to His Voice I stumble <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">across</span> verses like this one:<br /><br />Ephesians 3:12 In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.<br /><br />Me: Really Lord? Really? You mean to tell me that the gospel is true for ME and applies completely no matter how big my sin or failure. Him: (I am sure with a big smile on His face) YES!<br /><br />I can't even keep my <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">stinkin</span>' fast for a week without cheating...the fast that is meant to be dedicated to seek His face so He can get more glory out of my life. And then He speaks to me again...<br /><br />Galatians 5:4 You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.<br /><br />I think sometimes when it comes to myself, I miss the point of the cross. I want to know Him and love Him more. So this is where He brings me to. Back to these elementary truths. The gospel is good news for ME! I have to get this to explain with passion and conviction that it is good news for others.<br /><br />Since my ears were open He also wanted to tell me this:<br /><br />Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.<br /><br />I snuck into my closet this morning and with my face to the floor confessed all I could think of then asked Him to bring to mind any hidden sin. What I found was not condemnation but instead mercy. The tears that came did not sting with bitterness but were cleansing and led me to worship Him. He is the God that I DO NOT DESERVE! He pours out grace in my very best moment and in my very worst. If I really believed that I could approach God with freedom and confidence because of Jesus' payment for ALL of my sin when He died on the cross for me...then I would freely confess my sins at all times. I would not hide from Him in fear or shame.<br /><br />I hurt people around me. I reject others and don't value them. I withhold affection from those who <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">deserve</span> it. I think more highly of myself more than I should. I crave the approval of people. I turn to other things for comfort in my stress. I am selfish...very selfish. I want to control in situations where I am afraid. I demand holiness out of my children that I can't even produce in myself. Oh...my list can go on and on and on. While all of these things are vague, I have become very specific with God in recent days. I do not want to act as if His sacrifice isn't enough for me while telling others it is enough for them.<br /><br />Not only am I confessing to Him and you my sin. I am renouncing them. I do not want to live in these same patterns of selfish, fearful, rebellious living. I long for holiness in the innermost parts of my heart and mind. So I am asking Him to help me REALLY believe that the same power that kept Jesus on the cross in submission to His Father's will is alive inside of me. This power has the ability to help me make war against the sinful patterns I have developed in the way I treat people.<br /><br />I want to be like Him so much!!! I want to treat others the way I want to be treated. I want to love my neighbor and my enemy in the same way I love myself. I am powerless to do this in my own strength but this is why He came and died, so I don't have to...because I can't, I have tried and tried again. And today, as I type this I believe that it is possible to become like Him because of my sweet Savior's sacrifice.<br /><br />The gospel is not only good news for you but for me to!!!shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-39903401606841502832011-12-15T16:44:00.000-08:002011-12-15T17:20:49.003-08:00From Stripper to Lover of God!I want to blog more, even feel God convicting me to. I have these struggles...I don't have time, who's even going to read it, I have terrible typing and grammar skills, what if people think I am trying to brag and on and on and on. BUT I know to capture the reality and emotion of an event or moments or seasons of life you need to record them as quickly as possible. I know God uses the stories of His work through the lives of others to spur me on to be a living sacrifice for Him...that is what I hope for my life to be for others...for the glory of His great Name!<br /><br />So pray for me to write out what He doing in me. I will just hold my breath and hit send. Ignore the mixed up words and run on sentences because I have 6 precious ones running around most times.<br /><br />15 1/2 years ago I was a stripper who gave her life to Christ. What He has done in my life is absolutely miraculous. I am DAILY amazed that He has somehow taken me from all that I was to all that I am in Him. I NEVER, EVER would have dreamed that He would have given me this life. A life that is constantly bringing to my knees in brokenness over my own sin...a life that has called me to die to myself daily...a life that has given me a pure marriage and 3 beautiful children from my womb...a life that has led me to take in person after person into our home, from family to strangers...a life that would lead me to care for orphans and widows in their distress...<br /><br />I love Jesus! I mean I REALLY love Him. Not just kinda sort of, but love Him to the point that I want nothing more than to see His face!<br /><br />I never feel so alive as when I am worshiping Him down on my face in my bedroom or as loud as I can at church. I never feel so alive as when I am walking the dusty roads of Africa holding the hand of a child who calls me Mum. I never feel so alive as when I am holding a baby who was once sick and now is healthy and well and smiling. I never feel so alive as when I hear my husband quoting scripture and urging me on to the next level in Christ, pushing me a little further than what I think my heart can bare.<br /><br />I told Jerome last night that I post cute pictures and sayings on <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">facebook</span> about our foster kids because I am desperate for the body of Christ to help care for the orphans in our own country. I want it to be attractive and entice them to take in a kid or two of their own...or help someone who already has. A year ago I would not have dreamed of taking in a foster child. Too much risk. Too much work. No way. Now my prayers are for others to join with us. I also told Jerome I secretly leave out the really messy, hard parts of fostering children who already have a mommy. I constantly have to push back my fear of the the future. The future could hold more pain than I have ever experienced in my life and I have to face the reality of this without letting it stop me from loving deeply.<br /><br />My prayers have been consumed for 3 years with begging, pleading, crying tears after tears for God to please, please, please send people to help us care for a group of orphans on the coast of West Africa. My heart LONGS to see them truly be a light for Him for many generations to come. I leave out the part about the HUGE battle around these efforts. Talk about suffering. I have never experienced so much suffering for such a long season over anything. And yet He gives me perseverance to endure and keep going.<br /><br />I can say with complete humility and utter JOY that today...I am a godly woman. Me, the stripper who couldn't go a day without being high on something and living only for myself. This causes me to worship Him OH SO MUCH! The God of the universe rescued me and has done great, amazing things through me in one person's life at a time.<br /><br />I didn't graduate <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">high school</span> and I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">home school</span> our kids. I knew nothing about being a mommy and He has made me a mommy to more children than I can count on my fingers and toes. He has given me a love for His word, a thirst for His Spirit and a longing for holiness.<br /><br />This is why I tell you these things. If God can transform me into His image in this way and use me to do anything of eternal value, HE CAN USE YOU! I see the body of Christ changing...more are stepping up in radical obedience to do things that require great suffering and sacrifice and I am excited about that...REALLY EXCITED! I also see many on the sidelines who hold back out of fear, complacency or because they don't really believe to be called by His Name means to deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Him.<br /><br />Maybe 2 people read this, but my prayer is that even if 1 person steps out to radically obey what Christ is calling them to it will be worth it. If you don't have anything in particular in mind, open up one of the gospels and start reading. Whatever you see that Jesus did while He was on the earth, go out and do it. You will have many options to choose from, any of them will do. In fact do as many as you can. I know it sounds crazy but He will not rebuke you for it on the last day. He will not tell you that you sacrificed too much, showed too much compassion, loved too deeply, spent your life too freely on account of His Name. You will not regret it. He will be with you.<br /><br />If He can use me, the weak, the foolish, the despised...He can use you my friend. Let me warn you, suffering will wait for you, but so will great, everlasting JOY!<br /><br />I am praying for you!shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-9308556511484841302011-11-19T08:23:00.000-08:002011-11-19T08:46:21.490-08:00GratefulLord Jesus,<br /><br />You are good. You are faithful. You are able. I am amazed that I am just one life...I am dust, yet you will fight to let me know how valuable I am to you...how much delight I bring you. Lord, please use me in greater measure. It is my joy and delight to be used by You. Let me pour out my life, my love, for Your glory...for your renown. Lord, give me the grace to not please man but You alone. Lord, please help me to obey You and not shrink back. Use my mouth to encourage and praise! Use my hands to serve and comfort. Use my feet to carry the gospel across the earth. Strip away my pride...my misplaced affections. Please let me serve You in the ways You lead, doing the work You have prepared in advance for me to do. Please, Please, Please give me the discipline and ability to memorize more of Your Word so it can bring life and freedom to me and others through me. Please speak to me more. Please help me focus on You more...delight in You more...praise You more. Help me to see my whole life...even my daily, mundane activities as worship to You. Let me see every act of service...every word of encouragement to others as unto You. Let me give myself fully to You...looking to You for all I need. Help me not be distracted by the pride of life, the things of this world, my own insecurities and failures. Let me fix my eyes fully on the eternal, unseen riches I have in You and not the temporary things of this world that will not last. <br /><br />Jesus, my Lord and my King! I am more in love with You than ever. I delight to do Your will. I'm alive here in Your Presence. I'm convinced of Your faithfulness. No matter what pain comes in and out of my life I know You are enough...You are unchanging...You are good and You are all I need. Your love makes it worth it all...all the struggle against my flesh...all the battles to do Your will...all the frustration of my day to day failings when I want more than anything to obey You at all times. I look to You and I am lost in Your Presence. You work all things together for my good and call me beautiful. You are worth all of me...all of my devotion...all of my affection. There is no one on this earth that loves and cares for me so perfectly. Your compassion and mercy are constantly being poured out into my life and I am humbled, honored, blessed to be called Your very own...Your forever daughter. Thank you for calling me...adopting me as Your own. Thank You for stripping me of idols and bringing freedom where I was once bound and creating such a beautiful life out of the ashes that I brought to You. You are still making all things new in me. Every day You are making me new. Every day You are calling me closer to You and higher above my circumstances and lower in submission and humility...all by the power of Your Spirit alive inside of me. So with all that I am, I proclaim Your goodness...with everything inside of me I will shout Your praise ALL the days of my life. I love and long for You more than ever before. Please, please consume every single part of me. Lord Jesus have Your way. Let Your will be done in me. You are my Treasure and I will live to know You more!<br /><br />I love You!shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6360988281605546682.post-37230555699184662982011-10-27T11:18:00.000-07:002011-10-27T11:49:55.598-07:00He is Worthy!I have so many things to do. An hour to be out the door with 4 of our 6 kids for an appointment. Everyone is still in PJ's working on school projects...worship playing in the back ground... I just had to stop and share with someone how great God is! Since phone conversations are next to impossible for me these days...I am telling anyone who will take time to read this. <br /><br />Our great God is faithful! He is beautiful! He is trustworthy!<br /><br />I have been rushing around the last few days trying to get all the kids to their doctors appointments and last minute things finished. I get the joy of going to take care of orphans for two weeks that don't have mommies to take them to the doctor or walk them to school or tuck them in at night, praying for them and telling them how precious they are to God. <br /><br />I've been rushing through my days trying to get my mental check list done. (Something hard for me because my free spirits despises check lists) I have also been rushing in and out of His Presence in the mornings. In His grace and mercy He will not allow me to go on like this very long. He loves me. He pursues me. He literally chases me down with His goodness. So...I ended up sitting and just crying a few hours into my day. Crying because I just don't want to value anything over time alone with Him...not sleep...not more things done on my list...I don't want to take for granted that the God of the universe waits for me to wake up and spend time with me. <br /><br />He is doing so many things in and through my broken life. He is moving in so many ways through the body of Christ all over the earth. His Name is being lifted up...the gospel is being preached...people are living for Him...sacrificially. But what excites me, draws me to my knees is that He chooses to live through ME...sinful, selfish ME! He has given me the boldness to declare His Name, His Truth, His goodness to the lost and the found. He has called and sent me to care for the orphan, the widow, the poor and the oppressed and allowed me to experience His joy as I obey. He has given me the strength to rise above myself and allow wanderer after wanderer to live in our home. Now, I can easily rejoice when I see others doing this...but for me, I know myself...my pride, the wickedness I am constantly fighting against in my own heart. <br /><br />Today I am choosing to rejoice in the greatness of who He is! I am choosing to make time to sit still in His Presence letting everything else go. I am choosing to remember all He has done for me and through me. I am choosing to give Him the worship and glory due to His great Name!shannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03345706471861215897noreply@blogger.com0