From Stripper to Lover of God!

I want to blog more, even feel God convicting me to. I have these struggles...I don't have time, who's even going to read it, I have terrible typing and grammar skills, what if people think I am trying to brag and on and on and on. BUT I know to capture the reality and emotion of an event or moments or seasons of life you need to record them as quickly as possible. I know God uses the stories of His work through the lives of others to spur me on to be a living sacrifice for Him...that is what I hope for my life to be for others...for the glory of His great Name!

So pray for me to write out what He doing in me. I will just hold my breath and hit send. Ignore the mixed up words and run on sentences because I have 6 precious ones running around most times.

15 1/2 years ago I was a stripper who gave her life to Christ. What He has done in my life is absolutely miraculous. I am DAILY amazed that He has somehow taken me from all that I was to all that I am in Him. I NEVER, EVER would have dreamed that He would have given me this life. A life that is constantly bringing to my knees in brokenness over my own sin...a life that has called me to die to myself daily...a life that has given me a pure marriage and 3 beautiful children from my womb...a life that has led me to take in person after person into our home, from family to strangers...a life that would lead me to care for orphans and widows in their distress...

I love Jesus! I mean I REALLY love Him. Not just kinda sort of, but love Him to the point that I want nothing more than to see His face!

I never feel so alive as when I am worshiping Him down on my face in my bedroom or as loud as I can at church. I never feel so alive as when I am walking the dusty roads of Africa holding the hand of a child who calls me Mum. I never feel so alive as when I am holding a baby who was once sick and now is healthy and well and smiling. I never feel so alive as when I hear my husband quoting scripture and urging me on to the next level in Christ, pushing me a little further than what I think my heart can bare.

I told Jerome last night that I post cute pictures and sayings on facebook about our foster kids because I am desperate for the body of Christ to help care for the orphans in our own country. I want it to be attractive and entice them to take in a kid or two of their own...or help someone who already has. A year ago I would not have dreamed of taking in a foster child. Too much risk. Too much work. No way. Now my prayers are for others to join with us. I also told Jerome I secretly leave out the really messy, hard parts of fostering children who already have a mommy. I constantly have to push back my fear of the the future. The future could hold more pain than I have ever experienced in my life and I have to face the reality of this without letting it stop me from loving deeply.

My prayers have been consumed for 3 years with begging, pleading, crying tears after tears for God to please, please, please send people to help us care for a group of orphans on the coast of West Africa. My heart LONGS to see them truly be a light for Him for many generations to come. I leave out the part about the HUGE battle around these efforts. Talk about suffering. I have never experienced so much suffering for such a long season over anything. And yet He gives me perseverance to endure and keep going.

I can say with complete humility and utter JOY that today...I am a godly woman. Me, the stripper who couldn't go a day without being high on something and living only for myself. This causes me to worship Him OH SO MUCH! The God of the universe rescued me and has done great, amazing things through me in one person's life at a time.

I didn't graduate high school and I home school our kids. I knew nothing about being a mommy and He has made me a mommy to more children than I can count on my fingers and toes. He has given me a love for His word, a thirst for His Spirit and a longing for holiness.

This is why I tell you these things. If God can transform me into His image in this way and use me to do anything of eternal value, HE CAN USE YOU! I see the body of Christ changing...more are stepping up in radical obedience to do things that require great suffering and sacrifice and I am excited about that...REALLY EXCITED! I also see many on the sidelines who hold back out of fear, complacency or because they don't really believe to be called by His Name means to deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Him.

Maybe 2 people read this, but my prayer is that even if 1 person steps out to radically obey what Christ is calling them to it will be worth it. If you don't have anything in particular in mind, open up one of the gospels and start reading. Whatever you see that Jesus did while He was on the earth, go out and do it. You will have many options to choose from, any of them will do. In fact do as many as you can. I know it sounds crazy but He will not rebuke you for it on the last day. He will not tell you that you sacrificed too much, showed too much compassion, loved too deeply, spent your life too freely on account of His Name. You will not regret it. He will be with you.

If He can use me, the weak, the foolish, the despised...He can use you my friend. Let me warn you, suffering will wait for you, but so will great, everlasting JOY!

I am praying for you!

Grateful

Lord Jesus,

You are good. You are faithful. You are able. I am amazed that I am just one life...I am dust, yet you will fight to let me know how valuable I am to you...how much delight I bring you. Lord, please use me in greater measure. It is my joy and delight to be used by You. Let me pour out my life, my love, for Your glory...for your renown. Lord, give me the grace to not please man but You alone. Lord, please help me to obey You and not shrink back. Use my mouth to encourage and praise! Use my hands to serve and comfort. Use my feet to carry the gospel across the earth. Strip away my pride...my misplaced affections. Please let me serve You in the ways You lead, doing the work You have prepared in advance for me to do. Please, Please, Please give me the discipline and ability to memorize more of Your Word so it can bring life and freedom to me and others through me. Please speak to me more. Please help me focus on You more...delight in You more...praise You more. Help me to see my whole life...even my daily, mundane activities as worship to You. Let me see every act of service...every word of encouragement to others as unto You. Let me give myself fully to You...looking to You for all I need. Help me not be distracted by the pride of life, the things of this world, my own insecurities and failures. Let me fix my eyes fully on the eternal, unseen riches I have in You and not the temporary things of this world that will not last.

Jesus, my Lord and my King! I am more in love with You than ever. I delight to do Your will. I'm alive here in Your Presence. I'm convinced of Your faithfulness. No matter what pain comes in and out of my life I know You are enough...You are unchanging...You are good and You are all I need. Your love makes it worth it all...all the struggle against my flesh...all the battles to do Your will...all the frustration of my day to day failings when I want more than anything to obey You at all times. I look to You and I am lost in Your Presence. You work all things together for my good and call me beautiful. You are worth all of me...all of my devotion...all of my affection. There is no one on this earth that loves and cares for me so perfectly. Your compassion and mercy are constantly being poured out into my life and I am humbled, honored, blessed to be called Your very own...Your forever daughter. Thank you for calling me...adopting me as Your own. Thank You for stripping me of idols and bringing freedom where I was once bound and creating such a beautiful life out of the ashes that I brought to You. You are still making all things new in me. Every day You are making me new. Every day You are calling me closer to You and higher above my circumstances and lower in submission and humility...all by the power of Your Spirit alive inside of me. So with all that I am, I proclaim Your goodness...with everything inside of me I will shout Your praise ALL the days of my life. I love and long for You more than ever before. Please, please consume every single part of me. Lord Jesus have Your way. Let Your will be done in me. You are my Treasure and I will live to know You more!

I love You!

He is Worthy!

I have so many things to do. An hour to be out the door with 4 of our 6 kids for an appointment. Everyone is still in PJ's working on school projects...worship playing in the back ground... I just had to stop and share with someone how great God is! Since phone conversations are next to impossible for me these days...I am telling anyone who will take time to read this.

Our great God is faithful! He is beautiful! He is trustworthy!

I have been rushing around the last few days trying to get all the kids to their doctors appointments and last minute things finished. I get the joy of going to take care of orphans for two weeks that don't have mommies to take them to the doctor or walk them to school or tuck them in at night, praying for them and telling them how precious they are to God.

I've been rushing through my days trying to get my mental check list done. (Something hard for me because my free spirits despises check lists) I have also been rushing in and out of His Presence in the mornings. In His grace and mercy He will not allow me to go on like this very long. He loves me. He pursues me. He literally chases me down with His goodness. So...I ended up sitting and just crying a few hours into my day. Crying because I just don't want to value anything over time alone with Him...not sleep...not more things done on my list...I don't want to take for granted that the God of the universe waits for me to wake up and spend time with me.

He is doing so many things in and through my broken life. He is moving in so many ways through the body of Christ all over the earth. His Name is being lifted up...the gospel is being preached...people are living for Him...sacrificially. But what excites me, draws me to my knees is that He chooses to live through ME...sinful, selfish ME! He has given me the boldness to declare His Name, His Truth, His goodness to the lost and the found. He has called and sent me to care for the orphan, the widow, the poor and the oppressed and allowed me to experience His joy as I obey. He has given me the strength to rise above myself and allow wanderer after wanderer to live in our home. Now, I can easily rejoice when I see others doing this...but for me, I know myself...my pride, the wickedness I am constantly fighting against in my own heart.

Today I am choosing to rejoice in the greatness of who He is! I am choosing to make time to sit still in His Presence letting everything else go. I am choosing to remember all He has done for me and through me. I am choosing to give Him the worship and glory due to His great Name!

Pain in the offering...

My life seems like a constant cliff hanger. I feel as if He takes me in and out of the furnace over and over again and for this I BLESS HIS HOLY NAME! While there is pain in the offering, there is also inexpressible JOY! Let me explain...

I wanted many children all from my own womb. But more than this, I wanted His will for my life. That is what He is giving me.

After my second tubal pregnancy I realized 3 children was all I could I give birth to and I wanted to adopt a fatherless child through DHS. But more than this I wanted His plan for my life. I see it unfolding.

God closed my womb to open up my heart for more children than I could bare on my own in an orphanage on the coast of west Africa. This has brought more joy than giving birth to 10,000 babies! To have Him align my heart with His for the orphan has brought sorrow and suffering. He sent me into a great battle to fight the injustice surrounding their broken lives. I now know Him in ways I NEVER would have had I not taken up my cross and followed Him. This is worth everything I have! Over 3 years into caring for and defending these precious ones I have found that I am less in love with the world and what it has to offer and more devoted to the One who gave His life so these children would know His love.

I still wanted to adopt but I did NOT want to be a foster parent. I did not want to care for the fatherless in this way. There was too much at risk for me emotionally. After all, I was doing my part by taking care of the orphans in Sierra Leone, right Lord? Isn't that enough? You see I tend to love very deeply, which can also bring a lot of pain. I do not like pain!

I ended up being a foster parent in a supernatural, very unconventional way. Completely God! You see God called us to take in 2 foster children we had only known a few weeks into our 4 bedroom, 1,800 square foot house with no substation on our $57,000 a year salary. We had no running vehicle and I was already spread thin homeschooling our 3 boys while helping run our ministry for the orphans. AWWW But He does not ask for my obedience when it makes sense or it seems like the right timing. He asked me to trust and obey Him regardless of my feelings or circumstances. 5 months into our journey we took in our foster children's 4 month old baby sister. I had given this precious one a baby shower when she was still in her mommy's tummy and was certain she was staying with her mommy. Again, I did not see how we would have the room, time, money...but I obeyed. And of course JOY came along with everything else we needed. He surrounded us with support from the body of Christ and poured out His Spirit in immeasurable ways. He has faithfully, no more than faithfully, provided MORE THAN ENOUGH of everything...money, time, energy, love, support. I could type for hours telling you unending stories of His faithfulness just in this situation alone.

This is where I am at this morning... I want these children to never leave our home. Ever. I have cried so many tears in the last 2 days at the mere thought of it. Our home has been a revolving door for the broken, the wanderer and the fatherless for the last 13 years of our marriage. I get ZERO credit for this. In fact I have fought God almost every time He brings new people and every time He takes them out. You see, I want stability in my circumstances. He wants stability in my soul. I want happiness, He wants me to have deep, everlasting JOY! In my pride I want people to look at our life and see order, He wants people to look at our life and see that He is the order in our chaos. I want people to see I have it all together, He wants people to see that I will be a fool for Christ!

He has reminded me this morning that my life is NOT my own. It was bought with a high price. I am to be a living sacrifice. I am to imitate His submission in the garden the night before He went to the cross. If He wants to bring 1,000 more people through our home so that we can speak the gospel to them, live out the gospel for them and share the gospel with them, then so be it! I will say it is an honor, a JOY, no matter the pain, no matter the cost...because to do His will is what the cross DEMANDS of me!

I don't know how long these children will be in our home. I don't know if Jerome will be given his next breath. I don't know if I will step foot on another plane to Africa to see the orphans I love so much. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

What I do know is that Jesus Christ is enough for me. He is all I need. And I will live to do His will. When what I desperately want doesn't line up with His plan for my life, I will bow my will to His and bless His Name. There is no greater joy than to follow Him where ever He leads. There is no greater joy than to welcome in my life whatever suffering He wants to bring, I know it is always for my highest joy and for the glory of His great Name!

Help Us Spread the Gospel

This is from Jerome:

Help Me Introduce Thousands to the Word of God!

In March of 2012 I will be leading a team to Sierra Leone in a mission to spread the gospel. Our main purpose will be to preach the gospel to villages that have small Christian populations but have virtually no access to the bible. In some of these villages there are even Christian pastors that do not have a complete copy of the word of God. I and some others feel a calling from the Lord to preach the gospel to those still not saved and to take 10,000 bibles to pass out to anyone who will take one so when we leave they will be able to know Him in a complete way. We will be providing training for the Pastors and leaders but all of our training will be to point them to a dependence on the word of God.

I am asking for your help in several ways.

1. Pray! To raise the money and resources for such a trip is beyond us. Not to mention that we do not have the ability to change our own hearts much less the hearts of those who were brought up in different belief systems. We need the Holy Spirit to open doors and in particular to provide the leaders that will lead in these areas after we are gone.

2. Consider! There are several bold evangelists that have already committed to go on this trip. These are humble men who love the gospel and love individuals in a way that humbles me. We have a few medical personnel that are considering going for medical clinics in the villages we visit and we have a medical team from a sister ministry that we are in talks with to unify our efforts. Some of you are called! Please consider coming and helping. If you have ever desired to be in an ACTS like environment, this is it! Do not be scared GOD WILL PROVIDE if you will say yes.

3. Give! We do not have a total cost for this trip right now but we are sending the first thousand bibles over in less than 2 weeks on a container! Please consider donating a bible. The smaller the bible the better. But we will accept any and all copies of His Word. You can drop them off on our porch or in front of our garage. Our address is: 1700 Godhania Rd. Edmond. There is also a drop off location in OKC. Here is a link for more info: http://www.wix.com/cdrwenski/orphans We need to raise another $1500 to pay for bibles and shipping. Please consider giving. All donations are tax deductible and can be made to Komeo International Ministries and mailed to us at PO Box 21586 OKC,OK 73156

4. Stay Tuned! I will send out a more complete list of our plan in the future.

In His Service,
Jerome Crawford
www.komeo.org

Please feel free to forward on or somehow get your church or bible study involved in helping you help us spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Lost Are Found

Written by Jerome Crawford...

Today I had to drive all over the Southside for lunch. I have to do this at least once or twice a week so this is not anything foreign. But this time it was a little different. It is amazing how I can get so lost in the details of today that I forget the Great things He has done. As I drove today I past Southeast High school and I remembered. There is a little nail shop directly north of the high school. I used and dealt drugs there (it was a little restaurant then). I remember… A shooting involving a friend… Several fights… the messed up personalities of the kids I would hang out with. I kept driving and passed an apartment complex where I was involved with a drug deal gone bad. A guy stole some drugs from me and I came looking for him with a 45cal. When I set out to find him I was fully ready to shoot him if necessary (over $300 in drugs) I found him but was filled with fear that I would kill him if I pulled the gun so I just let him go. As I drove I ran into dozens of empty, violent desperate memories. I passed a grocery store on 59th that I used to frequent with my roommate. We would get high and laugh and act crazy there about once a week. He was pretty normal compared to the rest of us...one of the most amazing musicians I had ever met. We laughed so much. Every now and then he would talk about us killing ourselves. One night he talked 3 people into it and they all tried to talked me into it. I refused really I thought it was just an act. Several years ago he shot his wife and then killed himself in front of his three kids. I passed a lot of laughs and smiles but none of them real they all will or have ended in death. They would be great for reality TV but pain was the only thing that was real. Just an endless struggle to try to find some relief or at least fool everyone. We all knew the truth we just were too strong to be broken. Most of these memories were from 20 years ago but I remember like it was yesterday.

I was listing to my iPod and singing the whole time as I remembered. I started to sing a Hillsong live song ...

The lost are found! The blind shall see! The lame shall walk! The dead shall live!!

For this reason I will Love Your Holy Name! I was dead but now I live!! How powerful you are God to save me! Some will look at a star and marvel at your power but I will look in the mirror and know that You are unstoppable! HOW CAN I EVER THANK YOU!!! I AM ALIVE AND FILLED WITH PURPOSE AND HOPE!! HOW I LONG TO BE WITH YOU!!! . Please forgive my pride, my selfishness. How can I ever be discontent with the feast that You put in front of me. You are truly Good in all You do. Sometimes I wish You would just strip me clean and make me live a completely sinless life but that would be too easy for You! Instead You raise me as a child teaching me to long for Your name like baby longs for a mother's embrace. I was so ashamed, empty and foolish. Now I just want more of You. I want to know You the unstoppable God!

13 IS MY LUCKY NUMBER!

Written by my precious husband...love that man!



They say 13 is an unlucky number but Today is it the number that is causing me to yell praise to His name. You see 13 years ago in a little bicycle factory converted into a church a ceremony was performed that has enriched my life beyond measure. On that day I heard “I do” come out of the mouth of the greatest gift that my Father ever gave me! Unselfish , Redeemed, Pure, Beautiful, Sweet and in love with Him.. That is what I saw in your eyes as you said, “I do”. If I had known on that day what the next 13 years held in store for me I would have danced and shouted for joy, screaming for joy as Craig asked me to commit everything I had to you.



I know you are insecure! I know how you struggle with thinking you are not a good wife. And I know my sin in not encouraging you more. But I am telling you before our God that you are my Joy in Him. That if I lost you today I would need the faith of Job to survive. I am telling you before our God that if I had the opportunity to press a button and have the same kids and life with any other woman I WOULD NOT PRESS THAT BUTTON!



No other woman would I be able to sit with and just talk about the scriptures for hours, knowing that you are sharing my joy. In worship I see you next to me and I know you are right there with me in desperation, awestruck of Him. When He calls me to suffer for His name I know you are not a wife that will say “give me safety and security”. He provides all that I need and you are in Him and I need you! Yes in His Unending Love He provides a side of Himself through you. Together we stand as ONE with Him. The darkness trembles when we are unified in Him! May it always be so!



I beg You Lord and Father please let us be together 13 times 13 thousand years into eternity! May we be found in You together as one! Complete at Your feet worshiping you! May you give us strength to fight Lord! We will not rest until the Lost are Found, until the blind can see, until the lame walk and until the dead shall live! Lord I know you are near to us! Please help us let our light shine for You. Together we live to KNOW YOU!! Without you we would have already have been divorced, empty and pointless BUT WITH YOU I REJOICE THAT YOU HAVE DONE THE IMOSSIBLE FOR THIRTEEN YEARS IN OUR LIVES! HA! Two hopeless people who could not even hold down a relationship for longer than a month now have walked through the fire and somehow You have kept us!! You are able! You are mighty! Let everyone praise Your name! Those that know us know that You have done the impossible! May our relationship bring you glory for all time! Please continue to bring Glory to Your name through us Lord! I do not know what You will is Lord but may I wake up every day of this fight and see my beautiful and passionate companion. I want to battle with no other! Keep us Lord! We are weak without You! One day without You is enough for us to be crushed! But one day with You and we can change the world and that is what WE WANT!! To Honor You!



Thank You for giving me 13 YEARS with one so strong in You!!!