Jesus Loves Me

I have felt this conviction to start writing in my blog again...but I haven't felt motivated or inspired. I guess this post is me stepping out in faith and seeing what happens. So you might not be greatly moved by what I write :)

I had a late night party with Jesus 'till 4:30 this morning. I felt so full and content. I prayed and read and meditated and filled my mind with lots of amazing truths! I have been trying to convince myself it's OK if I can't sleep sometimes, well, a lot of times, because Jesus is better than sleep.

As the day has worn on I have worn down. I went from being on a spiritual high at church to crying on my closet floor by this evening to smiling and happy again. (This doesn't surprise some of you. I tend to be labeled as a bit emotional).

It amazes me how powerful our emotions can be. Today, I have scream-laughed because I was so excited to see Sally at church this morning. By lunch I let out a high-pitched squeal because Crystal told me that someone donated the $5,000 we needed to send sweet miss Deborah Lange to Africa. By the time I finished my tortilla soup I was frustrated because I had a stomach ache. Once we got home fatigue really set in and my wildly loud (sweet) boys had my frustration pushed to really bad irritation. Then my husband told me some discouraging news about a situation I was praying about during my middle-of-the-night Jesus party and I ended up crying in my closet with my bible and journal. Jesus wiped away my tears, my sweet husband took my crazy boys to the store so it would be quiet for a few minutes and now I am back to normal...well, kind of :)

I am so thankful that through the highs and lows of our emotions...through life...His love is constant. He doesn't change. He gives a peace and joy and strength that super cedes our circumstances, hormones and whatever else! I have no idea how He puts up with me and loves me so perfectly...but I am so glad He does! I am super in love with Him!!!

Don't ask me how the picture goes with the blog....I just thought it was fun :)

I need Africa more than Africa needs me!

Thank you so much if you have given towards my upcoming trip to Sierra Leone! If you haven't would you please prayerfully consider making a donation, no matter how small.

I have been thinking of and praying for those sweet children in the Wellington Orphanage almost constantly! My heart longs to be with them. I know this is the Lord. He is so beautiful to me.

I want to share something with you... My husband came home from work yesterday crying. He walked through the door listening to worship on his iphone with tears streaming down his face. He walked back to our room and continued worshipping. A little later he shared with me what sparked his emotion. He started listening to a new Steven Curtis Chapman CD at work yesterday. The entire album was birthed out of the pain of Steven losing their 5 year old daughter, Maria. The Chapmans have 3 birth children and had 3 adopted girls from China before they lost Maria. Their 5 year old little girl was run over by an SUV on accident. This family has a deep love for God and a passion to help orphans in various ways.

Later that day my husband started listening to the new Matt Redman CD on his way home from work. The lyrics are very worshipful and helped draw him into the majesty of God. As we sat on the couch discussing these things he started crying again. The tears were not sad tears. He spoke to me of the beauty of God. How wonderful the Lord is that He took this sweet 5 year old little girl that nobody wanted at one time and used her in such a powerful way. She is the face of heaven to Steven Curtis Chapman, just as each of us is the face of heaven to God. This is the beauty of the Lord. He delights in using the weak. He delights in rescuing the lost and hurting. He finds great joy in bringing beauty from the ashes of our lives.

I recently heard someone say whom I love and respect, that as she tucks her children into bed at night that she is NOT OK with there being 132 million orphans in the world. Neither am I.

I can't do much. But by the grace of God I want to do everything I can. I can let God use me in the lives of 80 orphans on the coast of west Africa. I have many hopes and desires for these children. There are many things I can do from America to advocate on their behalf. But, it is my greatest joy to actually go and be with them. I love to spiritually encourage them and given them the love of a parent several weeks a year. Each time I leave them they beg me to return. What I think they will never understand, no matter how many times I tell them, is that I need them more than they need me!

I want to share a quote from Steven Curtis Chapman because this too is our heart: "After our first trip to China, my wife and I knew our lives were changing -- our eyes and hearts were opening to how big God really is, and we have wanted to experience more of that,"

"We've really wondered whether or not we should just go to China and stay there. But I don't think so. I believe God is saying, 'I want you to go, get your heart broken, your eyes opened, and then take this story back to the church in America and around the world."' .

I too desire this. I can not do this without your help. I humbly ask you to consider giving towards my trip. I will be traveling to Sierra Leone December 28th through January 9th. My promise to those who give is to do everything I can while I am there to strengthen and encourage these precious ones. I promise to work hard helping them with their education. I promise to love them deeply!

I still need $900 to be able to purchase my plane ticket. I am behind on my first deadline. If you would like to give all donations are tax deductible. You can make your checks payable to 4HIM ministries or OASIS ministries to receive tax credit. You can mail them to me at 1700 Godhania Rd. Edmond, OK 73003.

Thank you so much for loving, encouraging and supporting me. I love the body of Christ. I love you all!

In His Love,

Shanna Crawford

http://pushingbackdarkness.com/ (the Sierra Leone blog) http://shannacrawford.blogspot.com/ (my personal blog)

http://www.4-him.net/ (4HIM's website)

Walking through a Severe Trial

In Acts chapter 15 Paul is travelling around preaching and encouraging churches in various regions. He tries to enter Bythnia but verse 7 says 'The Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to.' That night Paul had a vision of a man from Macadonia begging for Paul to come help them. Paul immediately obeys concluding that God had called them to preach the gospel to the people of Macedonia.

A few things happened as a result of his obedience. When looking for a place of prayer he came across a group of women. As Paul began sharing the gospel with them the Lord opened a woman named Lydia's heart to the message. Not only did she become a believer, but her entire family was baptized!

Another thing happened. He was led, by the Spirit of Jesus I might remind you, into a severe trial. Paul cast a demon out of a slave girl that was making a lot of money for her owners. When they brought Paul and Silas before the magistrates, they ordered them to be stripped and beaten. They were SEVERELY flogged and thrown into prison. The jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. In the middle of the night Paul and Silas began praying and singing hymns to God...and the other prisoners were listening to them. Oh how I love this! Suddenly there was a violent earthquake and at once all the prisoners' doors flew open and their chains came loose. When the jailer woke up and discovered this he asked what he must do to be saved. He took them to his family's house. His entire family was baptized. The jailer was filled with joy because he and his entire family had come to believe in God. It is implied that all of the prisoners became believers also.

The next day the magistrates ordered for Paul and Silas to be released.

Reading this made me reflect on my own life. I began thinking of severe trials that I was led into by 'the Spirit of Jesus' and what affect they had on my life and the lives of others.

For several years I have desired to have many children. A few years ago I had my third miscarriage. Although I barely escaped death, I was left unable to conceive another baby. I remember waking up after surgery and feeling a deep sadness, but an even deeper peace. I did not know why God had allowed this to happen, but I knew He had. I did not understand why I still had a strong desire to have many children, but I knew God had placed it there. Over the next few days I was emotionally distraught. Even though I felt sad I began praising Him for who He was, for all He had done in my life, and even praising Him for allowing me to walk through the trial with Him. He gave me the grace to know He was sovereign and trustworthy no matter what my circumstances were. I knew that He was all I needed, He was more than enough. In praising Him I found strength to surrender my own plans.

Now here I am several years later. He has given me more children over the last few years than I could have possibly given birth to in that time. He has given me a sweet teenage god daughter who lives with us. He connected our family with hers, making us one family in Christ. He took me to Sierra Leone, Africa and gave me many children who do not have moms. He has grafted them into our family despite the distance and time in between us. He has given me another teenage god daughter through a bible study I lead and allowed me to partner with her parents to love her. He has enlarged my heart to expand beyond what I knew was possible. In giving up my natural ability to have children, He has supernaturally exceeded my expectations and fulfilled my desires in the most wonderful way. He has shown me that nothing is impossible with Him.

He led me through a sever trial. But in the process He produced in me things that could be accomplished no other way. He used my trial to open my heart to His plans and desires which brought blessing not only to me but to others. I will walk through any trial He leads me to, because I know that He is trustworthy and His ways are perfect.

This year was my best mother's day. I got flowers and a card from Wendy, a card and gift from Wendy's mom, cards and gifts from the sons I gave birth to, a phone conversation with one of my African sons, a card and gift from Hope, a card from Hope's parents, roses and $100 to give to any need I want from my husband (that man knows me too well).

He is more than enough. He has exceeded my expectations. He can lead me through any trial He sees fit. I trust Him. He is all I need.

My Love

I REALLY am married to the most amazing man on the planet. I am convinced that he is one of the very few who actually 'get me' and loves me anyway. I am a godly woman today because He has allowed the Lord to love me through him. I was not always easy to love, and I am still not at times!

He has always supported me in my various ministry addictions. He has been the one to keep me focused and balanced, yet cheering me on all the way. If it weren't for his encouragement I would have never got on that first plane to Sierra Leone. Because he loves me so much he keeps encouraging me to return to our African family. I wish I had words to describe how wonderful this man of mine is.

I wll let you read his words so you can see his heart. He gave me a card the last time I returned from Sierra Leone. Here is what it said:

Wife,

You being away is something "I will never get used to." I feel such a deep appreciation for you right now. To think that God has given me a one in a million woman like you helps me know that He loves me. No one that I know has the inner and outer beauty that you have. But I want you to know that I appreciate all of the things you do. It is so beautiful to see how you love our boys and Wendy. How you take care of us. You are truly a servant of HIM. And it makes me so proud of you that you are loving our children in Africa the way you do. I know God is moving through you to love the orphans. You are loving HIM in the deepest way. I do not deserve to be with someone so giving. But now that I have been blessed with your company I can never get used to being away from you.

Love,
Jerome

Serving God's Purpose In Our Own Generation

I am reading through the book of Acts right now. Last night I was reading chapter 13. Several things stuck out to me.

Paul was in the synagogue at Antioch and the leaders told him to stand up if he had a word of encouragement for the people. Paul then stands and tells the people how God led the children of Israel out of Egypt. The Israelites were tired of having Judges and asked for a king and he gave them Saul. After removing Saul he made David their king.

This is what God said about David in verse 32. I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.

Paul then goes on to tell them about John preparing the way for Jesus by preaching repentance and baptism. He then tells the story of Jesus death and resurrection so that Salvation could be offered to ALL.

Something else stuck out to me concerning David in verse 36. It says For when David had served God's purpose in his own generation he fell asleep.

Paul then goes on to tell the people about the grace of Salvation...about being justified by faith apart from the law. The people wanted to hear more and invited him and Barnabas to come back the next sabbath to explain further. When so many responded the following sabbath the jews became angry. Paul and Barnabas told the people that God had called them to be a light to the Gentiles to bring salvation to the ends of the earth. Many of the gentiles responded by believing.

Even though the word of the Lord spread throughout that region, the jews stirred up 'GOD-FEARING' women and men against them to expel them from that city. The super cool thing is that they just shook the dust from their feet in protest against them and went on to the next city. Then the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit. The joy of the Lord was their strength!

My point in all of this is that in this one tiny part of God's story in history, several different people were called to a certain purpose. David was called to be a king, John was called to preach repentance and baptism, Paul was called to be preach salvation, the gentiles were called to spread the word of God. Because of what we know about these men's lives from reading other parts of the scriptures, we know they all faced great opposition at certain times, yet they were still faithful to their call by the grace of God. And then things were said of them like what was said about David, For when David had served God's purpose in his own generation he fell asleep. How cool! David screwed up a bunch, yet he loved God so much and had the joy of knowing at the end of his life that he had served God's purpose in his own generation.

I want this to be said at the end of my life too, and the lives of every Christ follower throughout the earth.

There are some things as Christians, we are ALL called to do. We are called to spread the gospel, give to those in need, encourage one another, help the oppressed, take care of orphans and widows, share the love of Christ with a hurting world in various ways and at ALL times!

I pray that, like David, we are all men and women after God's own heart to the point that we are doing everything the Lord wants us to do. I pray at the end of our lives that God will say of us that we served His purposes in our own generation.

Dear Lord,

I keep a journal that is mainly letters written to God, with scriptures scribbled throughout. I thought I would share what I wrote this morning during my Treasure Time.

Lord,

How fitting to start a new journal on this day. You are reminding me that your mercies are new every morning and your compassions never fail. Lord, yesterday morning I asked you to take me deeper still...to strip me from anything that was keeping me from loving more deeply. I asked for the ability to love stronger, deeper than ever before. By the afternoon you had begun answering that prayer.

Lord, my human love is simply not enough. In fact, it gets in the way. Lord, you do not wish to strip me of relationships, but to strip me of my own human love that I'm investing in them. Only your super-natural, unfailing love will do. This requires all of my attention, devotion and affection to be focused on you and you alone. When I abandon myself to you in this way, it is then that you love people deeply though me.

How easy I allow my heart and emotions to deceive me into thinking I can make any sort of eternal difference with my own, weak, human love. Lord, you are full of grace and mercy. You understand that I am dust. You understand that I am weak. Yet, you do not stand by waiting to condemn me when I fail. Instead you patiently wait for me to look to you and ask you to perfect your strength through my weakness. You delight in every simple effort to please you. You somehow take my child-like stumblings and with the loving kindness of a perfect parent, pick me up and set me on the right path. It is your kindness that led me to repentance all those years ago and still does even now.

Lord, you can have all of me. This is what you desire most...my whole life, all of my attention, affection and devotion. It is then that you love others through me most effectively. Lord, I am more in awe of your grace, more in love with you, more abandoned to you today than I was yesterday. Even this is only by your grace. You alone are my heart's desire.

I love you!
Your daughter

EVE's April outreach update

I was a topless dancer in Oklahoma City from ages 18 to 20. I danced in Dallas from ages 20 to 22. This is the lifestyle God rescued me from. I am thrilled to be serving with a ministry that is reaching out to the topless dancers of Oklahoma City. With the power of His love we are pushing back darkness and pursuing these precious women with His kindness. Please read the highlights from our April outreach written by my good friend Delissa.

April's outreach blew our minds!

We walked into the first club and within seconds the name of Jesus belted through the speakers. This set the tone for the entire rest of the evening. His name high and lifted up!

At the very next club, we had our first opportunity to sit down and gladly lend an ear to a girl that was in an abusive situation at home. It wasn't by way of our prodding, though. We simply stood there in amazement as the bar staff and patrons alike welcomed us into the "intervention." A gentleman at the bar cheered us on and said, "what you guys are doing is really needed." The bartender went as far as to say, "Jill, you have had such a hard day and you've been saying how badly you need someone to talk to! This is not a coincidence that these women came in tonight!" Secretly I thought to myself, don't answer that! After the initial shock of the fact that we were about to have a sit-down right there in the middle of a club, I hopped on to the Spirit's shoulders and went with it. After listening to her, we were able to share with her that God has never and will never let us down!

Then at another stop, we were able to be the shoulders to cry on. We passed a sweet girl from shoulder to shoulder as tears poured down her cheeks. She started by saying "I love Jesus, we just fall short sometimes, ya know?" We said we knew EXACTLY what she meant. She followed with, "I have been wanting to go to church, but I don't have anyone to go with me." We told her we would go with her to any church she chose! She just cried and cried. You could tell it even surprised her how God was moving in her to soften her heart. I'm pretty sure meeting up with openly, Spirit-filled humans wasn't on her radar that Friday night. She needed a good safe place to experience herself as the sweet creation she is and we got to be there and be a part of it!

God is so amazing!! No, REALLY AMAZING!!

Thank you all who supplied lotion, financial support and conversations with God on their behalf...I hope this gives you a glimpse into the work you are a part of.

May's gift is a personal size bottle of bubble bath! We are wanting to add 2 more clubs this month, so we are needing 150 bottles. Go body of Christ, go! Eternal beings UNITE!
Love is a lifestyle...

luvluv
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