He is a Mystery. His will is not.

I have been trying very hard to not blog about Africa so that everyone would think I have a normal, American life. But this morning my heart is FULL of many things concerning the people of Sierra Leone. I am still in awe that the Lord has allowed me the opportunity to visit this little country on the coast of West Africa...that He has allowed me to walk among these precious people who have not been overlooked by Him. He knows each one by name...created them with His own hand and lives to pursue them with His love.

While I have a wonderful life here in America, a part of my heart is always in Africa. I do not go on mission trips and then simply return to my normal American life with little thought of those I left behind. I can't...not even if I used every ounce of strength to try. My heart and mind are constantly flooded with thoughts of my African family. There is a continuous, dull ache because my American and African families are not together on one continent. I doubt this ache will ever go away. I'm not sure Jesus wants it to.

Each time I visit Africa my eyes are opened more, my heart is broken more, and my resolve stronger than ever to let God use me to bring relief and deliverance for these precious ones. Like Esther, I want to have the courage to use my royal, American position for such a time as this. I desperately want to be one of the ones He chooses to bring hope and healing to these sweet people.

I do not deserve to be used for anything. I am weak, sinful, insecure and the list goes on...but I am willing. I am willing. I don't have much to offer, but I want to be used. I don't have much strength, but I want to fight. No, I do not have much, but what I do have I humbly bring before Him and ask Him to multiply it for the good of these people and the glory of His name. I am desperate to be emptied of myself so that I can love more lavishly and live more deeply.

What is the point of living this life if we are not investing in eternal things? I am not asking this from a position of authority, I am asking this from the position of a student who is learning, every day, what it means to deny my flesh, take up my cross and follow Him.

He is teaching me, through His word, through brokenness, through failure, through my relationships, through the times I have alone with Him that the point of this life is to do His will.

He is a mystery. His will is not.

Scripture is clear what our purpose is and it resonates in our hearts if we listen to His still small voice on the inside...if we open our eyes to the needs all over our world. We are called to love the hurting. Reach out to the lost. Nurture our children. Honor our spouse. Clothe the naked. Feed the hungry. Bind up the broken hearted. Fight for justice. Love Him and our neighbors, even our neighbors on the other side of the earth, with all our heart mind and soul.

This is simple. This is also difficult.

It is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn to do...harder than breaking my drug addiction or walking out of the strip clubs. But it is also the greatest source of joy I have ever known. I have found more purpose in abandoning myself to Him and allowing Him to love through me more than I ever imagined.

This is our God. A mighty warrior. A humble servant. A just ruler. A defender of the weak. A loving parent. A faithful friend. Yes, this is our God.

I was created in His image. I want to do what He did when He was on the earth. I want to live to do His will for the glory of His name. I do not want to live for selfish gain. This will no longer do. The conflict in my heart is too great. He has won me over in the most wonderful way. I am His. Fully His. Living to do His will.

So off to Sierra Leone I go....again...in 26 days and counting. Pray for me to be emptied of myself and to love deeply.

Friendship and Coffee

I had coffee with two amazing women Friday morning. One of these women, Ixie, lives in California and she is here visiting my friend Sally. I met Ixie for the first time on my second trip to Sierra Leone, Africa in November of last year. On our trip we were all so enthralled with the kids that we didn't get the time together that I wished we would have. So you can imagine how excited I was for this coffee date! I knew from watching Ixie with the kids in Africa and all that Sally had shared with me about her that she was an extraordinary person. I couldn't wait to get know her better...to just be in her presence.

As we sat in the coffee shop I asked Ixie to share the story of how she came to Christ. I NEVER tire of hearing these stories. In fact, I have often thought of how wonderful it would be if we could listen to these stories for all of eternity once we are in heaven. I think it would spur on the most powerful worship experience that has ever been.

I loved hearing how the Lord pursued my precious friend and rescued her from despair. It is so beautiful to me. She is madly in love with the Lord. He has given her a wonderful life in Him. She is thanking Him for that life by pouring His love into others.

As I listened to her story my heart filled with hope for the lost again. There are many people being pursued by God this very moment. Some of those people are overlooked by the church or scoffed at by the world. I have hope for them. I have hope for the least of the least.

He always has and always will use the weak to lead the strong. This is one of the things I love most about His character. When we come to him feeble and powerless, in complete surrender, He uses our lives to make a difference in significant ways. He delights in raising us up from the ashes of our broken lives to display His beauty for the world to see.



He is weaving together the lives of people who's hearts who are devoted to Him. As we talked we were marvelling at the way God had connected Ixie to Sally's life when she needed family. He connected Sally to my life when she needed community. He connected my life to theirs when I needed friendship.

Even though I have only known Ixie a short while...even though Sally and Ixie have been friends many more years that Sally and I...for those 2 hours in that coffee shop it felt like the 3 of us had been friends for all of our lives. It felt as if the 3 of us had a mutual love for each other, the Lord and humanity. This can only be God. Just another one of His miracles. Just another reason I am so happy I said yes to Him 13 years ago. Just another reason I am thankful that He is a relational God who has called us to place worth and value in relationships and not material possessions. Just another reason to praise Him!

We rambled on about our love for those sweet orphans on the coast of West Africa, our wonderful husbands and few things in between. I can't help but think that God flew Ixie all the way to Oklahoma to give me that time as a special gift. Ok, maybe that's not the only reason, but I bet it is part of the reason. He delights in giving His children good gifts...and what better gifts than friendship and coffee :)

I love you sweet friends!

Our Royal Position

Esther 4:14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

As I was reading through Esther the verses above stood out to me like they hadn't before. I kept coming back to them over the next few days.

Here is how they have settled in my heart. I do not want relief and deliverance to arise from another place for even one single person I am called to help. I never want to misuse my royal position in Christ by doing nothing.

Esther was tempted to think she could sit in silence because of her royal position and ignore the edict sent out to destroy the jews. I too find these temptations in my own life.I too have been given a royal position in Christ for a purpose. God does not NEED to use me to bring relief and deliverance to anyone. He is God. He can do this Himself. He could use a donkey if He chose. No, He certainly doesn't need me to accomplish justice or mercy. But the joy when He chooses to use me. The joy. Nothing compares.

I am burdened for many people. I am praying for the Lord to give me the courage to act in these peoples' lives. I do not want to be held back by fear or complacency or intimidation of the needs. I do not want to ignore the injustice all around me. I do not want to ignore the injustice that is half way accross the earth just because it isn't directly in front of me either. I want to go boldly and humbly before my King and ask Him to bring relief and deliverance through me. Please join me. I promise, together we can change the world with His love.

Daughters of the King

I had a plan for the teeanged girls' group on Monday. God had another plan. His plan was better. So much better.

These girls AMAZE me.

One of the girls came with a list of honest questions. She wanted to know things from, 'Can you lose your salvation?' to 'Are Jews going to heaven or hell?' to 'Does God talk back when you pray?' to 'If you don't ask for forgiveness for a sin and you die will you still get to go to heaven?' to 'How do people in remote parts of the world who have never heard of Christ get saved?' AND MORE. Her questions, I am certain were prompted by God. It opened up a tremendously wonderful dialogue between all of us. Her questions gave some of the other girls the courage to ask about their own concerns. I will tell you that not all of the girls that come and sit in my living room each week have given their lives to Christ. I have had this feeling for some time. Monday night it was confirmed by at least one of the girls. Can I tell you how happy this makes me.

This is why:

During a worship event friday night a line in one of the songs made me start weeping. The song said, "For all your sons and daughters who are walking in the darkness, You are calling us to lead them back to you."

We were all birthed into this world with the intention that we would become His children, a part of His family. There are those who are walking in darkness and we, as Jesus' followers, are called to lead them back to their Creator, their heavenly Father.

The girls that come to my house each week to hang out and listen to us ramble on about this Jesus we love so much...that allow us to get into their business and live this sometimes messy life with them...are no longer walking in the darkness. The ones that have not yet surrendered their lives to Him, now have hope, that maybe, just maybe this Jesus is the real deal and religion isn't the only option if they choose to follow Him.

The morning after group I cried as I prayed for these precious girls. Tears of joy. I am so humbled that God would allow me to play the smallest role in their lives. While I feel an enormous responsibility for their spiritual well-being, I am humbled that He would allow me to feel this at all. Who am I that I should have such a precious opportunity to pour into the lives of these beautiful daughters of the King!

Psalm 45:11 The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.

Jesus is Attractive

I met some new friends this weekend.

I have coffee with Crystal on Saturday mornings. This week her aunt and sister were visiting her for the weekend. Crystal had a plan...to offer her sweet family hope. Her plan included me. She wanted me to come over and casually share my testimony. Once I got there and we all got settled with a cup of coffee I followed Crystal's prompts. Before I knew it as I was sharing, I was enthralled all over again by the sweet, sweet love story of me and my Jesus. He is precious to me...so precious. Apparently they too were enthralled by our love story.



After I left they both opened up and shared how they needed what Crystal and I have. Not religion, but intimacy with the God who fills us with love, joy, peace and hope!



Crystal shared this story with the teenaged girls on Monday. She told them to take heart when they are fearful of sharing Christ with their friends.

Jesus is attractive when He is presented through a life of someone who is madly in love with Him. So please, choose to be madly in love with Him. The world DESPERATELY needs to see this. The needs of people are great. Religion will not do. The gospel is attractive because it works. Jesus changes everything. He doesn't need us to explain or defend Him. He just needs us to tell the world how much He loves them and desires to make all things new in their lives.

I am re-inspired to tell the world of His love one person at a time. Will you join me?

And Crystal, you spur me on sweet friend. Thank you for your contagious compassion! You are loving the Lord with all your heart, in action and in truth!

Treasure Time

I am stranded at home. The boys are at grandma and grandpa's and my van won't start. Guess Jesus wanted me all to Himself :)

I sat at my kitchen table listening to the new Matt Redman CD and writing in my journal. (I even danced a little in my kitchen). I will share my after thoughts with you...

I am learning many things on my journey with the Lord. Lately I am learning to be still and content. I am learning to love deeply, the painful kind of love that comes along with compassion. The kind of love that is intermingled with sorrow and joy. The kind of love that Jesus must have felt when He was on the earth.

As I journey on I feel more and more like a stranger in this world. I feel less and less like I fit in, honestly even in christian circles at times. My heart breaks greater than ever because I am faced with the need of humanity. I have an increasingly burning desire to help many different people and yet time and ability keep me from this which leaves a dull ache in my heart. All of these things are forcing me to be still and wait on Him. To know that He is God. To know that when He alone is my Treasure I will be satisfied with a deep joy. To know that if I set my affections fully on Him, hiding myself in Him, delighting in Him alone I will being doing His will. To know that If I abide in Him He will produce the fruit I desire in my life. To know that if trust Him with ALL of my heart He will lead me to the people and places I am called to pour His love into.

This morning He has reminded me that I must come to Him when my well runs dry. He is the Living Water. I cannot offer my husband, my children, or anyone else something that I do not have. The only thing of eternal value I could ever offer anyone comes from His hand. I must daily seek Him out.

Some times a day here or there can turn into several days of not making Him my first and highest priority. The demands of my life and others' lives take precedence over my time alone with Him...even if only in my thoughts. In His grace and mercy He has carved out this morning for me. He has forced me to be still and know that He is God. Not only because He delights in the time He has me all to Himself but because He knows that He is the only One who will truly satisfy my soul.

He knows my desire is to pour into the lives of others. He has set aside this morning to give me the love that I so desperately want to give away to the people I am burdened for. This time alone with Him has been a precious treasure from Jesus. I do not deserve to be so lavishly loved by my sweet, sweet Lord!

Creator God

This morning at breakfast the boys and I started talking about how the world began and how it continues on. I found out Micah does not think dinosaurs ever existed and Silas firmly does! (love those boys) As we discussed evolution, the big bang theory and creation we decided to look up information online. We read a bunch of articles and watched several videos. At the end we all agreed that we believe God spoke the world into existance and holds everything together still today.

I am amazed at the order and complexity of our universe. I am more amazed that God has given us the ability to discover parts of this mystery. After our research today I am more stunned than ever by His majesty and power and love. He has created earth for lil' ole us. He has put us in the PERFECT place in space so that our planet can sustain life. If one thing were slightly out of place then everything would fall apart. He is holding all things together.

The One who, in love, has created and sustains planet earth cares about every detail of my life...my boys' lives...the orphans' lives in Africa...the widows' lives in South America and the single moms' lives right here in America. He is sovereign over the events of the earth and the events of our lives. I don't understand even an inkling of it all but by faith and learning to trust Him more and more each day.

He is majestic, powerful and full of love, mercy and justice.

As Mr. Beaver says to Lucy in C S Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia (the book, not the movie) ”He’s not a tame lion!” Nor is He “safe.”

In that same passage from the book, Lucy asks Mr Beaver if Aslan, the Lion representing Christ, is “safe”. To which he responds, "Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

Acts 17:28 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'