Why do I let the sock tub pile up and put the laundry on hold and ignore the chaos around me and let my kids run on auto pilot to sit on my back porch for hours reading and praying and pondering deeply all things Jesus Christ?
Because I am desperate.
I am not good at this wife...mom...missionary...mentor...discipleship thing that Jesus has called me to. I have anxiety over kids that break down over missed-matched socks. I have guilt over people God has called me to that slip thru the cracks. I have frustration over soccer clothes that need to be washed weekly. I have fear over getting on a plane to Africa and leaving my household to be managed without me for 2 weeks. I carry other people's burdens with me in my thoughts all the way to bed. I am faced with my selfishness and covet comfort far too much. I have sinful habits that won't be broken easily and strongholds I can't seem to tear down on my own. I snap at my next-to-perfect (seriously) husband and see my precious child-blessings as a nuisance at times. So, I put everything else that seems important aside and choose to seek the Thing that is truly most important daily...weekly...yearly...so I can become like the One that I seek. I trust all the other things into the hands of the One who holds my heart and waits patiently for me to learn to wait on Him.
What really matters in this life? If not Jesus Christ crucified and risen then let's eat, drink and be merry for death is the end. But what IF He really IS what matters? What if my attitude and the way I treat people and how I love them because I am conscious of God is the heart of this life inside the gospel. Then I better spend time with the only One who has the power to change, reshape and mold my heart that is oh-so-deceitful and wants its own way. The socks, the laundry, the chaos, the kids, the mission work, the endless sea of people to pour into can wait while I wait on the only One who can give me any real power to make an eternal difference in and thru all of those things.
This morning I once again made a choice. To lay aside work that needed to be done...so the real work of sanctification could take place in my heart as I made myself available to Him. I am watching and waiting at His doorpost knowing that He is coming again soon. I am so thankful for this life inside of His Son. All the big tasks and little tasks have eternity in them when I am not living on yesterday's manna. Daily I will come to Him open-handed waiting hopefully and expectantly for Him to fill me with new hope and strength and mercy for the new day He has set before me!
Praying for passion with you all to join me in this!
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