His Mercy Fully Revealed!

I have been awake since 5. I have had sleepless nights and distress.  Oh I am so happy for this! I am thankful that everything is not always perfect and that I stray and focus on non-eternal things and worship at alters that I shouldn't because it is in this that I see His mercy.  Mercy over my sin.  Mercy over the sin of others.  

I have had blue-letter bible pulled up...obsessively searched the scriptures and wanted to know every single meaning of every single word in a verse I came across and scribbled in my journal a few days ago. I have prayed and wrestled thru line after line.  Listened to worship lyrics that talk about His greatness and mercy as I struggled with my feelings and fears and insecurities not lining up with what His Word says.  I have preached to myself as I have seen the places my feet have chose to walk that are not on the path He has laid before me.  I have cried as I realized that His mercy and goodness were there for me before I ever took a step away from Him.  He had a rescue plan already in place way back at the beginning of time before I was even created....knowing I would wander away in 10,000 ways.  He knows the way I take.  He alone knows it.  His mercy is never exhausted because He loves me.  Enough to die for me.  Enough to leave heaven and rescue me.  Enough to pursue me all the days of my life.  All of my days.  His goodness and mercy are here with me now...leading me all the way to an eternal life of unbroken fellowship with Him.  His mercy is everywhere I look.  His Word made available for me at anytime.  My husband, children, friends.  ALL HIS MERCY! His mercy is stopping plans that lead me away from Him.  His mercy is keeping me up late and waking me up early so that my heart and mind will be saturated with His Truth.  His mercy is leading me to pour out my thoughts of Him in pages of pages of journals and unending status updates and blogs written for years.  All a record of His faithfulness towards me.  And I am just one life.  One life.  He does this for the countless others.  His love for them is not diminished in the least by His great love for me.  

Last night I knelt on the floor with my best friend and the baby in her womb and prayed prayers of faith for strongholds to be broken in our lives.  Today He woke me up at 5...showed me that not only is this possible but it is His greatest desire towards us.  He passionately pursues my heart.  He is fierce in His jealousy towards me.  He never lets me go no matter how far my thoughts and feelings carry me.  He never fails me or forsakes me no matter how many alters I worship at that are not the ONE TRUE alter.  He chases me down with His goodness and mercy time after time after time.  It feels so awkward to write this.  It seems in some way as if it is heresy and it seems as if it means I am forsaking the holiness of Christ or cheapening His grace. NO!  It is making me see His holiness and grace more!  Something I do not deserve and will never fully comprehend this side of eternity because of its vastness.  I want to hold out this Love and Mercy to so many in my life...but how can I effectively do this unless I understand it more for myself.  I desperately want to understand the gospel in its fulness for me, trusting that I can then with great passion share it with others.  

I want so much to be like Jesus.  Conformed to His image.  Everything of ME eradicated in the power of His Presence and washed clean by his Word.  He held out Life to the world.  But more precious, He held out Life to me.  To me.  I was powerless.  I was destined to follow my own way.  And IN HIS MERCY He rescued me.  Even now.  Today...He is rescuing me thru the Cross. I am still powerless.  I can not obey or love of worship Him on my own.  Not a single good thing in me apart from Him.  Nothing.  This may sound offensive to some but for me it is the road to freedom and enlarges my heart even more to His great mercy.  If I cried every day from now until I went to be with Him the emotional pain would be worth it and not even remembered once I finally saw Him face to face.  

Life is not about feelings, single moments or the circumstance we are currently faced with.  Life is about God.  Jesus Christ exalted and written down for us to read and drink in.  Life is about us knowing Him, being like Him.  Thanking Him for every single thing that sifts thru His fingers into our lives.  ALL OF IT.  The things that make us so happy our hearts might burst...the things that make us so sad we think we might cry forever.  He is better!  He redeems it all.  He works it all for the good of those who love Him.  THIS IS MERCY!  Life is about a bunch of moments strung together by His grace.  The really painful ones and the really happy ones.  Life is about seeking, and waiting and TRUSTING.  No matter what we FEEL.  Life is about knowing that our destiny is in His hands and our way is being made straight...always being made straight as we keep our eyes fixed on His.  Life is about knowing His ways are good and His commands are for our joy.  Life is about knowing we are dust and He is a holy God and that He loved this dust enough to create a life out of it and breathe breath in us so we could worship Him and know His love in an intimate way.  He created us to know Him and love Him and worship Him for all eternity because in His lovingkindness He knew this joy would be greater than all the pain.  He loved us enough to create us.

I am so thankful for all the moments strung together by His grace, His Word that washes me clean, His Name that is a Strong Tower and His Love that is leading me thru the dark hours, the wilderness, the dry seasons, the confusion, the pain and the sin to a place of everlasting JOY.  Joy that will never ever end as I one day know Him fully even as I am fully known.  May my life be spent on the seeking and may I thank Him for every last breath that He gives until that day finally comes and I see His mercy fully revealed!