I love the Africans...I love Jesus MORE!

I am longing to see my African family. I love and miss them so much. I will get to see their beautiful smiles and enjoy the rich fellowship we will share together in less than a week.

As I have been seeking Him on behalf of those I will be with in a few short days...Today I sought Him for Him alone. He has reminded me that He is the greatest desire of my heart. I forget. My affections get misplaced.

I have asked Him to increase my love for Him. I want to experience more of His Presence, more of His life inside of me. There is nothing I can do for His kingdom that can take the place of seeking Him, spending time with Him just because I love Him.

I pray that He increases my passion for Him. I already feel out of place most days. I am just being honest. I feel like I let the world calm me down. But He is slowly removing those restraints and giving me the faith to live more fully alive for His glory. I long for my passion to bring Him fame. I long for this fire to burn brighter on the inside of me. I long to care less about conforming to the patterns of this world and to care more about making every moment count for His sake!

As I yield more to this tugging in my heart to go deeper I find myself thinking of heaven more. I find myself caring less about the car I drive, the house I live in, the food I eat and the clothes I wear. I find myself wanting to sell all my possessions and give to the orphans and the widows. I find myself wanting to wake up even earlier to have even more time alone with my Lord. I find myself sneaking away in the middle of the afternoon to hide in my closet and listen to worship songs so I might feel just a touch of His Presence. I find my prayers being consumed with pleadings for Him to give me something that I can give to others whether it is a word of encouragement or meeting a physical need. I find myself feeling like the highest priority for me as a mom is to teach my children about who He is and how much He loves. I find myself wanting to use my influence for His kingdom instead of my own gain. I find myself being spurred on by a sense of urgency to tell others about this hope I have in Him so they too can have eternal life. I find myself not wanting to miss even a day of reading His word, because it is more precious to me than food. I find myself distraught when I realize I have sinned against someone. I find myself wanting this abundant spiritual life for those I love. I find myself despising the selfish parts of me that I am daily faced with.

I find myself crying out to Him to allow Jerome and I to love and serve those in Sierra Leone. If He said no...I would weep. I would mourn. But I would still love and seek Him with my whole heart.

While I love the Africans...I love Jesus MORE!

May my highest affections always be reserved for Him and Him alone!