Made Perfect Through Suffering

I have had a rough day.

I have been asking the Lord to help me understand more of who He is. I have also been asking to be stripped of anything keeping me from coming closer to Him. Well, prayers like these leave me crying on my bed half way through the day :)

I do not want to turn to any thing or anyone (not even myself) but Him in my struggle to maintain day to day...in my discouragement...in my rejection...in my hunger...in my tiredness...in my emotional weakness. You get the point.

I want Him to be my ALL.

I also want to practice what I preach. I really don't want to be a pharisee, pretending everything is perfect on the outside to only be filled with spiritual pride on the inside. So to make sure that does not happen, I struggle with my flesh to gain mastery over it through the power of His Spirit. I fight with all of His energy inside of me to be less like me and more like Him.

Some days it is SO hard. I just want to give into my flesh. I want to be like the normal, luke-warm church member. I want to only give Him reign in the areas I choose. I want to just be human. But then I remember, He created me to be super-human. This world is not my home and it's ways are not my ways. I am called to be like Him.

As I wept on my bed I asked Him to forgive me for the places I have not been trusting Him. As I cried the most precious thing happened, I felt the freedom that comes with His forgiveness. I came to His throne for grace and mercy in my time of need and he freely gave it to me.

I wish I could say everything was perfect after that. Nope. Since then I have been tired, hungry, emotionally needy, sick...and in the struggle of these 'feelings' and circumstances I had to choose Him over coffee, Taco Mayo, facebook, self-pity...

Now that the day is ending I am so glad that I chose to memorize Hebrews 2:10 this morning. I have found great comfort today in knowing that the author of my salvation was made perfect through suffering.

This makes my American suffering a bit more bearable ;)

Hebrews 2:10
In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through what he suffered.