From Stripper to Lover of God!

I want to blog more, even feel God convicting me to. I have these struggles...I don't have time, who's even going to read it, I have terrible typing and grammar skills, what if people think I am trying to brag and on and on and on. BUT I know to capture the reality and emotion of an event or moments or seasons of life you need to record them as quickly as possible. I know God uses the stories of His work through the lives of others to spur me on to be a living sacrifice for Him...that is what I hope for my life to be for others...for the glory of His great Name!

So pray for me to write out what He doing in me. I will just hold my breath and hit send. Ignore the mixed up words and run on sentences because I have 6 precious ones running around most times.

15 1/2 years ago I was a stripper who gave her life to Christ. What He has done in my life is absolutely miraculous. I am DAILY amazed that He has somehow taken me from all that I was to all that I am in Him. I NEVER, EVER would have dreamed that He would have given me this life. A life that is constantly bringing to my knees in brokenness over my own sin...a life that has called me to die to myself daily...a life that has given me a pure marriage and 3 beautiful children from my womb...a life that has led me to take in person after person into our home, from family to strangers...a life that would lead me to care for orphans and widows in their distress...

I love Jesus! I mean I REALLY love Him. Not just kinda sort of, but love Him to the point that I want nothing more than to see His face!

I never feel so alive as when I am worshiping Him down on my face in my bedroom or as loud as I can at church. I never feel so alive as when I am walking the dusty roads of Africa holding the hand of a child who calls me Mum. I never feel so alive as when I am holding a baby who was once sick and now is healthy and well and smiling. I never feel so alive as when I hear my husband quoting scripture and urging me on to the next level in Christ, pushing me a little further than what I think my heart can bare.

I told Jerome last night that I post cute pictures and sayings on facebook about our foster kids because I am desperate for the body of Christ to help care for the orphans in our own country. I want it to be attractive and entice them to take in a kid or two of their own...or help someone who already has. A year ago I would not have dreamed of taking in a foster child. Too much risk. Too much work. No way. Now my prayers are for others to join with us. I also told Jerome I secretly leave out the really messy, hard parts of fostering children who already have a mommy. I constantly have to push back my fear of the the future. The future could hold more pain than I have ever experienced in my life and I have to face the reality of this without letting it stop me from loving deeply.

My prayers have been consumed for 3 years with begging, pleading, crying tears after tears for God to please, please, please send people to help us care for a group of orphans on the coast of West Africa. My heart LONGS to see them truly be a light for Him for many generations to come. I leave out the part about the HUGE battle around these efforts. Talk about suffering. I have never experienced so much suffering for such a long season over anything. And yet He gives me perseverance to endure and keep going.

I can say with complete humility and utter JOY that today...I am a godly woman. Me, the stripper who couldn't go a day without being high on something and living only for myself. This causes me to worship Him OH SO MUCH! The God of the universe rescued me and has done great, amazing things through me in one person's life at a time.

I didn't graduate high school and I home school our kids. I knew nothing about being a mommy and He has made me a mommy to more children than I can count on my fingers and toes. He has given me a love for His word, a thirst for His Spirit and a longing for holiness.

This is why I tell you these things. If God can transform me into His image in this way and use me to do anything of eternal value, HE CAN USE YOU! I see the body of Christ changing...more are stepping up in radical obedience to do things that require great suffering and sacrifice and I am excited about that...REALLY EXCITED! I also see many on the sidelines who hold back out of fear, complacency or because they don't really believe to be called by His Name means to deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Him.

Maybe 2 people read this, but my prayer is that even if 1 person steps out to radically obey what Christ is calling them to it will be worth it. If you don't have anything in particular in mind, open up one of the gospels and start reading. Whatever you see that Jesus did while He was on the earth, go out and do it. You will have many options to choose from, any of them will do. In fact do as many as you can. I know it sounds crazy but He will not rebuke you for it on the last day. He will not tell you that you sacrificed too much, showed too much compassion, loved too deeply, spent your life too freely on account of His Name. You will not regret it. He will be with you.

If He can use me, the weak, the foolish, the despised...He can use you my friend. Let me warn you, suffering will wait for you, but so will great, everlasting JOY!

I am praying for you!