Jesus Wept

It was my second medical clinic to do. I honestly did not want to do the medical clinic. I wanted to stay at the orphanage and spend more time with the kids. God wanted me to do the medical clinic. His plans are always perfect.

Abraham boldly preached to the people before the clinic started. He told them why we were here to help them. It was all because of Jesus and His love for them.

Paul Colley and I had the role of praying with each person after they received medical care.

In the course of this particular medical clinic we prayed with a lady whose Muslim husband beat her up because she went to a Christian church. You could see the shame and discouragement in her face. I felt a heavy burden for her.

One of the women who came to me simply said, "I lost my baby yesterday." She had no tears, yet I could feel her pain. I asked her if she was a Christian. She told me she was Muslim. I felt God pray through me as powerfully as I had ever felt before. I felt as though He was going to take this painful situation in her life and use it to draw her to Himself and to show her His goodness. I know it seems crazy…but what’s crazier is that He even gave me the faith to believe this for her. I fully believe, even as I write this, that somehow, some way she is now a Christian.

At one point I heard a little boy screaming. I went to where Deziray was treating him. His mom was sitting next to him in a wheel chair. He was sitting by himself on a bench. He had an infection under his thumbnail that had been there for months. His thumb was 5 times the size it should be. He was crying hysterically, I was filled with compassion for him. As I sat him on my lap I began to rock him and sing ‘Jesus, Lamb of God’ softly in his ear. He began to calm down a bit. I held him and wiped him down with wet wipes while Deziray treated his thumb. He was in out of a crying frenzy. I held him as tight as I could and assured Him that Jesus was with Him and was going to make everything OK, that we were here to help him. His mom sat without a tear watching us. Deziray then went to look at his leg that had been broken for some time. It had healed improperly. The bone was almost poking out of his skin and it kept him from being able to walk without being impaired. Deziray was explaining that we could pay for an operation. She told the mom they would re-brake his leg, and then re-set it so that it would heal properly and he could walk right. The mom shook her head no. Deziray explained that he would be asleep and not feel anything and that it would be better in the long run. The mom adamantly shook her head no. I had empathy and compassion for the mom too. When Deziray went to give the little boy a shot for his infection he started screaming again. It took several people to hold him down. I kept telling him that this was going to help him heal. It broke my heart to see him so hysterical. I wanted him to know that He would always have Jesus’ love no matter what his physical conditions. I prayed for God to somehow instill this in his little heart.

There was a young man who was thin and had a HUGE tumor on the side of his neck. He had only had it a few months. I went to where he was collecting some medicine from the pharmacy area. One of the men who works at the orphanage was there. I had viewed him as one who had a quiet strength. He asked us all to gather around the man and pray for him right there. When he was praying I felt as if the Lord Himself were speaking through him. I prayed when he was done…the words kept coming out of my mouth as if they were already stored up in my heart. I wanted more than anything to see this young man healed, and more than that I wanted him to KNOW, really KNOW how much God loved him and wanted to use him in the lives of others.

About half way through the clinic I went to one of the windows and gripped the bars and looked out at the village. I felt as if He whispered to my heart that ‘He has compassion on all that He has made.” I felt as if I had no more prayers left. I felt depleted. I felt overwhelmed by the great physical and spiritual needs of the people. God was not overwhelmed nor intimidated, yet He still had compassion for where they were at. I asked Him to give me strength because I didn’t feel as if I could make it.

Each person that would sit down to have us pray with them would leave me wondering how I could even get the words out. Each time I would look into their faces and smile and strength would come. I would close my eyes and open my mouth and the words would come too. As I prayed for each person there was a common thread for them to know His love…for them to have the faith to believe that His love would never fail…and that they would let His love flow through them into the lives of those around them to heal their land. When I was done I would feel weak and depleted until the next person came.

At the very end I began walking around quietly singing ‘The God of This City’ by Chris Tomlin. I was praying and believing the words of the song for the village and the entire nation.

You're the God of this city

You're the King of these people

You're the Lord of this nation

You Are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like our God
Greater things have yet to come

Greater things are still to be done

In this city

Greater things are still to come

And greater things are still to be done here

You're the Lord of Creation

The Creator of all things

You're the King above all Kings

You Are

You're the strength in our weakness

You're the love to the broken

You're the joy in the sadness

You Are

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for you and love for you
In this city

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done

In this city

Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

As I was walking around singing this song and praying, women would come to the windows with their babies tied to their backs asking for medicine for their sick babies. They knew we were going to close the clinic soon. It was almost too much for me.

As time passed it was harder and harder to hold back all of the emotion that I was feeling. I was on the verge of tears and it was becoming almost impossible to keep them from coming forth.
Right before we closed the clinic I looked over and I saw one of the boys from the orphanage. He had made a shirt and put his favorite verse on it. The back of his shirt simply said ‘Jesus Wept.’ In that moment I knew the Lord was showing me the way He felt when He was on the earth and would heal many while many were left unhealed. How desperately He had wanted them all to receive His love into their lives…the ultimate healing. He reminded me of how He went alone to weep and pray. He reminded me that He was giving me the wonderful blessing of sharing in His sufferings.

When we finally closed the clinic, Wade kleofkorn asked all of the missionaries to hold hands in a circle and pray. His prayer seemed to echo the prayer of my own heart, for the Lord to meet the needs of those we were not able to help.

My tears started to silently fall. It was almost painful to not be able to fully express all of the emotion I was feeling.

I hurried and got into the car and started weeping as if I had little control over it. It was coming from somewhere deep within me…and I was not embarrassed or ashamed. I don’t think I can even explain the depths of what I felt. Wendy and Solomon were touching my shoulder to comfort me yet it seemed as if human comfort was not enough. As we started driving my weeping went into a silent cry that would come and go. Wade reached back and held my hand. I began feeling His comfort through these 3 precious ones.

I looked out the window and looked up to the heavens and began repenting. I was telling the Lord how sorry I was that I had let so many things get in the way of letting Him love others more deeply through me. I began telling Him how sorry I was for putting value in things outside of relationships and people. I began begging Him to strip me of EVERYTHING that was me until there was nothing left but Him. I wanted more than anything to be completely poured out as an offering. I then wanted to be filled up with His love so that I could love more deeply than ever. I saw the great needs and I realized that the only thing that could heal this nation, heal the entire world, heal my life and the lives of others was His love. His love was the only thing that would never fail. His love was what I needed, Sierra Leone needed, America needed along with the entire world.

I decided on that drive back to the orphanage that I was not going back to my country unchanged. I was taking this love, compassion and forgiveness that I was experiencing to my own nation and anywhere else I went. I was not going to waste any more time on selfish living, it was a lie and it had been completely uncovered and brought to the light. I was living for Him and others, fully, from here on out. His love never fails….