Ridiculous Amounts of JOY!

I have ridiculous amounts of joy! Not because our bank account has lots of money in it, because it doesn't. Not because everyone is nice to me, because they're not. Not because those I love aren't suffering, because they are. Not because my children are perfectly behaved, because, well, you guessed it, they aren't. Not because I am not struggling with my sinful nature, because I always am.

But I have become so focused on who He is that I have lost myself in Him. His joy, His love, His peace has consumed my focus. My fears and failures have little room in my thoughts.

I am in the most amazing love relationship ever! This relationship isn't something that is part of my life. He is my life! He is the very breath I breathe. He is the Source of all beauty in my life. He is the Source of all purpose.

I am understanding and living out through Him the Truth that He is the reason I live. He is my very life. My life is hidden in Him. The very reasons I were created were to bring glory to His name, to do His will, to make desciples of others, to love, to live and breathe in worship to Him. I want to bring Him pleasure the way He brings me pleasure. I want to sing and dance in His Presence, not caring who thinks I am strange. I want to conform less to this world, to the luke-ward parts of the church, to our culture than ever before. I want to be set apart by my love for Him and others, so maybe, just maybe others might follow me in this as I follow Christ!!! I want everyone to KNOW this peace, this JOY, this love and to live and walk in it, E-V-E-R-Y day!!!

I want to worship Him for all of eternity...not just when I bow before His throne...but here, on this earth, even amist the pain and trials. I can say that His joy is my strength! I can say that my life is not my own! I can say that it doesn't matter how half-heartedly others around me follow Him. As for me, and my household, we choose to serve Him with every single ounce of our lives! I was not created for ANYTHING else. Not for my own ambitions, not to chase after earthly pleasures, not to live in 'compfortable' circumstances, not to use all of my energy to achieve my own goals.

No, I was created to do HIS will, to worship Him with my entire life, to teach others to love Him with ALL of their hearts, to bring glory to His name. How can I do anything but bow before the very One that created the earth that I see, fashioned me from the dust and gives me my very next breath.

Any response other than worship would be arrogance. Why would I think I should have the right to control my own life, or even begin to know what is best? I am choosing to yield to the One who knit me together in my mother's womb and has numbered each of my days! I am choosing to bow before the One who is worthy of all my praise and devotion. May this joy, continue to overtake me. May I choose to die everyday to myself so that He can consume every single part of me!!!

Lord, you are holy and set apart. There is NO ONE like you! May I ever live to do your will. May I live to worship you with all of my might in more undignified ways than this. May I live even more fully alive in you to the glory of your name!

I want to love you more than I do. Please increase our love and passion for you so we can lift high your name throughout the earth!

A God Beyond His Own Word

I got a text message from my sweet husband this morning that said, "I wrote a blog, will you edit it and post it for me?" I then went to my email and had this from him:

To my second Love,

I have heard it said that a man is only as good as his word. But we serve a God who is greater than His very Word. We serve a God whose greatness cannot be contained in all the words ever spoken.

A dozen years ago or so I prayed and ask God for three things concerning a wife.

1. That she have a passionate love for HIM.

2. That she be beautiful.

3. That she not interfere with my relationship with HIM.



These were big things to ask for an ex-drug dealer that had no money and little relationship skills. I also realized that number 3 was a prayer that went against His very word (1 Corinthians 7).


His Greatness cannot be contained even by His own word! For no language can express HIM. No language can communicate HIM. My soul burns for HIM!! My soul searches for the WORD that can describe HIM!! HE goes before me and shields my way! Your very hand upholds my every breath and I know You love me. LOOK at the great things He has done in my life!!! Even though His very words demanded justice and death to me, He placed it on His Beautiful Son!! His word demanded shame for my actions but instead He has given me HONOR! My insecurities are so deep but He has given me BOLDNESS, STRENGTH and PASSION. His word said my wife would distract me from HIM. But once again He is beyond HIS own word!!!!

When I wake to you sitting on the porch seeking HIS FACE!!! When I lie down in the bed and listen to you talk about the things He has revealed to you!! When I hear of the people you are ministering to!! When I see the Love and encouragement you express to our children! It makes me want to scream “WITH EVERYTHING." My passion for HIM explodes within me. HOPE RISES! DARKNESS TREMBLES AT OUR HOLY GOD!! For I know that our God is even stronger than HIS very word.

Maybe I am saying this wrong. I should say a God who does even more than what he says.



Man says much and does little. God does more than what He says.



We ask for mercy, He give us His very blood. We ask to be His servant, He makes us a royal priesthood. We ask for forgiveness and He comes inside and calls us friend. We ask Him to save us from death, He gives us abundant Life. I asked him for a woman who loves Him and He gave me you. I ask him for beauty and He gave me you. I asked Him for a woman who would not distract me and He gave me you.

Once again, a God who trumps His very word.

Thank You Lord the last 12 years,
Jerome



Of course I can not simply post this without responding :)



My Love,

I am only who I am today because you have been a mighty tool in the hand of our God to shape and mold me into a Goldy woman, a woman who fears His name and worships Him with all of her might because I have followed your example, your leadership.

I have seen His strength in you! You have used your strength to rebuild my broken life. When the Lord gave me to you I was deeply wounded and emotionally ruined because of many things that had nothing to do with you. Yet, with great joy, you took on the impossible task of fighting valiantly for my healing.

What is impossible with man is possible with God. God through you did the impossible in my life.

Most men would have taken advantage of my weakness or given up. Not you, you honored me, protected me, loved me, served me and at many times literally carried me to the very feet of Jesus.

I was not easy to love. I was not beautiful or sweet the way wives are suppose to be. Yet, you saw these things in me, though they were hidden so deep. You chose to search out the unseen beauty in me, the beauty that God saw, the beauty of His Spirit working all things together for my good because I loved Him. Yes, His Spirit was producing beauty from the ashes of my life, and you chose to let Him use you against great opposition!

I do not deserve the honor you give to me. I do not deserve the joy that you bring to me. I do not deserve to be living this beautiful life in Him together with you! Yet, I rejoice because of what He has done in me, what He has given to me, yes I REJOICE!

I understand who He is! I realize the greatness of His love! I can see clearly His character! I see the way He pursues the those who are broken! I see how He uses the weak to lead the strong! I see how He is a great Defender of those who love Him! I see how He makes all things new!

I see Him when I look at your life!

I see Him when you wake up singing His praises every morning. I see Him when you come home singing (VERY LOUDLY) His praises every evening. I see Him when you relentlessly minister to those even the church would give up on. I see Him when you come alive while discussing the scriptures. I see Him when you take person after person into our home. I see Him when you cry on your face in worship to Him. I see Him when you put me and our children first EVERY SINGLE TIME, in EVERY SINGLE THING. I see Him when you fight for orphans that you now call your own, even when you have never even met them. I see Him when you have long discussions with our boys about Jesus and how we have to devote our entire life to Him. I see Him every day and always in every area of your life. He permeates your very being. And I have the blessing, the joy, the honor of being one flesh with you. He daily spills over from your life into mine.

In humility, boasting in the Lord alone, I can say that WE, TOGETHER bring Him glory, our passion brings Him fame. You have lead US to this place in Him. I will never, ever be able to thank Him enough for the blessing of being married to someone so close to His heart!

I delighted myself in Him and He gave me the desires of my heart! He gave me a deep intimacy with Him, a great love for Him and He gave me you!

I love you,
Me

One Family in Christ

I have been back from Sierra Leone one week today. I guess it is about time to give you all an update. Thank you for your patience as I soak in the goodness of God while settling back into American life.

I am sitting on my porch having a Treasure time with Jesus :)

I just re-watched a video for about the 10th time of one of my African sons singing a worship song while we were at Macondi visiting his university.



I am so proud of my African family. Since He has connected our hearts and lives I have experienced so much of His love! I have known He has loved me since I gave my life to Him, but I know in increasing measure now. I see through their lives, through their worship, through their commitment and devotion to God and people, through their love and service, their sacrifice, that His love is greater than what my mind had conceived.


He rescued them, took care of them, provided for them, loved them, and I see their response to that love being full surrender to Him. They are like the one leper that came back and thanked Jesus for healing his life. Just as I am like Mary, who followed Jesus everywhere He went, sat at his feet in worship just to be near Him after He healed her life.

I feel so close to God. Even while I am back here in America, I am getting up while it is still dark and spending 3 to 4 hours every morning singing worship songs to Him, praying, reading the bible. I am playing worship music all day, singing songs of praise in my heart, pouring out my worship to Him. He rarely leaves my thoughts. My mind is full of thoughts of thankfulness and His faithfulness. My heart is full of love for Him. So much of this is a result of the great amount of love and kindness I was shown while in Sierra Leone...by the kids, the Pastors, the staff and the community. It is also because I have seen the great struggles that everyone is facing and faces regularly there, yet how they each press into God, thanking Him, praising Him, trusting Him, seeking His face despite the great opposition they daily face.

I see that it is their pleasure, their joy, to be with me when I am there...to love and serve me as though I have always been a part of their family. I have been shown such kindness, such love and it is healing my life in ways that I never imagined. Because of the love I have been shown, I am drawn so close to the ONE I love the very most, the ONE who rescued me, took away my shame, made me new, placed His Spirit on the inside of me and called me His own, while the world rejected me and others used me for their own gain.


I just cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for this precious part of the body of Christ in Sierra Leone. I understand more of what it means to be one family in Christ because they have grafted me into theirs. His love is the commonality that binds us together beyond space, time and culture. It is the universal language that He speaks. If we have ears to hear, we will hear His voice speaking to us through each others' lives. I will forever praise Him for giving me ears to hear and eyes to see Him through the lives of the believers in Sierra Leone. I see His beauty when I look at their lives...I see His faithfulness when I hear them sing worship songs to Him...I see His strength when I see them serving Him despite great spiritual opposition...I see Him in their smile, in their laughter, in their hard work, in their sacrifice. I see Him more clearly than I ever have through their lives.

My prayer for them, for me, for you who are reading this is to please, please, please keep seeking Him above all else. I am begging for Him to increase our love and worship for Him even more as one body...our desire to daily feed from His word, to let His Spirit ever be our Living Water. Apart from Him we can do nothing...all of our worth is in Him and Him alone! He doesn't need us to accomplish His purposes on this earth, yet when we seek Him He uses us so we might know and understand more of His heart...His heart for the weak, the oppressed, the poor and the needy...because at our core, this is what we all are. We are all in desperate need of Him...some of us just don't realize it, we become deceived and chase after idols that will never truly satisfy, or in pride we try to be the master of our own lives. But we are all poor and needy at our core...we were only made for Him. My African family gets this more than most Christians I know, including me.

He is the blessed Controller of all things, sovereign and in control. He alone reigns throughout the earth. One day we will see that we are but dust and He is Ruler and Judge over all…judging righteously with grace and mercy towards those fully devoted to Him.


I am so thankful that He gives us intimate relationships here on the earth to help us know His love more and draw us near. Those in Sierra Leone will never fully know how thankful I am for them. May I ever live to love and serve them the way they have me. May I use my voice to speak up for their rights and to implore others to judge them fairly. (Proverbs 31:8-9) They are more precious to me than any earthly treasure. They are my gift from GOD!


Those of you here in America who give of your time, money and resources to make a way for me to return to Africa again and again are a gift to me from the Lord. Those of you who give towards the needs of these precious people have become a great source of my joy in the Lord. You have become so endeared to me. May I ever live to love and serve you the way you all have me. You are more precious to me than any earthly treasure. You are my gift from GOD!

I will ever praise Him for making us all one family in Christ. May we lift high His name together across the earth for His glory and our joy!

I love you all!
Shanna

If you would like to look at pictures from my recent trip, here are a few links: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2065196&id=1139719726&l=860c697af7
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2065202&id=1139719726&l=41c1c3dfd2

Here is a link to a few videos of two different boys singing worship songs:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=1475976856288
http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=427561706263&subj=1139719726