A Beautiful Moment / My Great Failures

I woke up last Saturday with a familiar dilemma before me. You see I had some work that really needed to be done. It really NEEDED to be done while everyone was still asleep. But I also knew this was time that I could be alone with God and seek His face. I needed a “Great Moment." So I put on some worship and dropped to the ground. I called out:

“God I need You!”
“God I want YOU!”
“God you are my Souls delight!”
“Help me Lord!”

I moved from position to position trying to focus and still nothing. 30 min later I moved to the closet in my bedroom and my mind became illuminated to a simple thought.

“He will reign over my heart for all time!”

I know that sounds simple but it was not in that moment. You see the thought became acute, real, powerful, life giving. My heart felt like it was about to burst. He will REIGN over my heart FOREVER!! You see there is nothing simple about FOREVER!! And this was the kicker:

My heart is wild, uncontrollable, free. It has gotten me in so many destructive situations. Many times I have to call out to Him to keep from hating my own heart. But what I cannot control within a moment HE WILL REIGN IN FOREVER!! How AMAZING!!! WHAT A POWERFUL GOD!! How???

Then the song “Beautiful Exchange” arrived over my headphones. And The LORD, THE MIGHTY ONE made it clear to me that it was through the POWER of the CROSS. He showed me that although Adam walked with Him every day he was destined to fall away because Adam really was walking next to a God he did not know. He did not know Him because of two reasons…

1. Adam did not know how weak he was apart from God
2. Adam did not know that he was walking next to a GOD who loved Him so much that He would suffer immensely for Him.

Now through the Cross we can see the distance. It is no wonder that He says our very best righteousness is like filthy rags. Next to the Cross!! My Heart was so Alive in that moment!!! Nothing compares!! So satisfying!! Even in my body I could feel a THIRST FOR HIM!! David's words were alive, “As the deer pants for water..”

Then I looked over and there was Micah still half asleep. Micah comes and gets me every Saturday to watch cartoons and snuggle on the couch. We have done this routine every since he was 2 years old but this time he climbed into my bed and laid down. It was really strange but I just went with it. I tried for a few minutes to explain what I had just experienced in the closet. I explained to him how that when I have those times with God everything else seems worthless to me. I told him even the good times that I have with him, his brothers and mommy do not compare...much less the crap we deal with in life. I said to him “you have never had any moments like that have you?" He answered, “No." Then I asked him, “Do you know why?” He answered, “I am young and have not been though much." I then explained how that as we grow older and experience more of the pain of life and also experience more "Moments” with God we start to hate this world and long for God “Forever." Then he asked me, “Do you ever wish you were back in the garden like Adam and Eve were?” I almost said yes then I realized how foolish that answer would be. You see in the garden there were no ‘moments." I answered, “Hell No! You see Micah, in the garden there were no moments like what I just had in the closet and moments like that are worth all the pain in life. They alone are worth living or dying for!”



As I was saying this the thought came into my mind, 'How is Micah going to experience these pains?' You see I want to protect him but I also do not want him to be numb to God because he has never experience pain in immense quantities. Sure he has had to deal with me and Shanna’s mistakes as parents but for the most part he has been sheltered.



Well the weekend went on as normal… Cartoons… Playing … Saturday at Life Church…. Playing… bed time around 11PM … Sunday at Frontline… Home to get ready for White Water… Things don’t always go the way you expect, do they? As we were getting ready Micah and Silas came in from the back yard looking pale as a ghost and ran into mommy. Then I hear Shanna say, “Chewy is dead!" What!!!! I thought!!! “I knew this was going to happen!" she said. My heart sank. Surely he is not dead! I went into the back yard and saw him hanging there. “I knew this was going to happen!” she said. “Be quiet Shanna,” I said. “What can I do?” I thought!! “There must be something I can do!” Silas was in bed sobbing… Micah was standing behind me barley crying with a shocked look on his face… Asher seemed totally normal and was saying, “He’s not dead I saw him moving.” “THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO.” He was dead right in front of me. I had put him on a tie out the day before because he had dug out and escaped. I was only going to keep him on it until I got some bricks and dirt to fill the hole so he could not get out again. 'NOW HE IS DEAD.' He had tied himself up and fought so hard that he had cut his own throat. 'HE WAS THE BEST DOG I EVER HAD NOW MY CHILDREN WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN IN THIS LIFE.' Me and Shanna decided we needed to go to White Water so the children could get their mind off of it. Within a few minutes my dad was on his way to get Chewy to bury him. As I was getting into the van the Lord showed me what a mistake I was making so I told the boys, “Come with me so we can say goodbye.” We walked into the back yard and walked up to his lifeless body and I prayed, “God thank you for Chewy." Then the boys prayed. Everyone was in tears except Asher. Asher was bouncing on the trampoline still in denial. Then we all spoke to Chewy and told him how much we loved him.



Funny how life can just break so quickly. How you can just be cruising along and then it BREAKS! You make one mistake and then everything is changed PERMANENTLY!! How many times have I looked away for just one moment! Relaxed for just a second and then it Breaks! My failures are the only thing that never go away! Weak! Hiding in the Garden wondering how God will react to my failure! We know HE sees. We know there is no hiding!! I know He sees when I snap at my kids!! When I let down my friends! When I mistreat my wife!! When I waste money knowing there are people starving!! When I spend time on worthless things instead of seeking HIS GLORIOUS FACE!



BUT IN THE 'MOMENT' I SEE HIM SO CLEARLY!! IN THE 'MOMENT' HE GIVES ME STRENGTH TO PUSH ON!! IN THE 'MOMENT' HE MAKES ME GREAT!!! IN THE 'MOMENT' MY FAILURES ARE CONSUMED IN HIS HOLY FIRE!! IN THE 'MOMENT' I SEE THE POWER OF HIS CROSS!!!! I SEE MY WEAKNESS AND HOW WONDERFUL HE IS TO DIE FOR ME!!!!

IM THE 'MOMENT' I SEE 'THE LORD THE MIGHTY ONE' WHO WILL REIGN OVER MY HEART FOREVER!!!!