Sacrifice and Suffering

As I follow Him it seems like my life is defined more and more by sacrifice and suffering. I thank Him for this, realizing it is an honor. But it doesn't mean it is any less difficult.

In recent years some of the things He has led us into have been heart breaking. Friends have misunderstood us. People in ministry have opposed us. Enemies have ridiculed us. Family has rejected us. Those we served have attacked us. People we love have been shamed and we've been persecuted for standing with them. Friendships have been left to run on auto-pilot because I'm steeped in raising 6 children in America and 100 more in Africa. Jerome and I literally laugh each week as the new trial comes in full force. We are no longer surprised. I am learning to rejoice quicker, even if it is through tears of sadness or confusion.

God pours out grace and mercy in the midst of these things. He has given us a few incredibly supportive friends, a handful a supporters who faithfully help us, and an insatiable craving for more of Him.

I have learned more about the gospel these last 3 years than I have the first 12 that I walked with Him. It makes so much more sense to me now that He tells us to do things like take up our cross and follow Him, to find our lives we must lose them, to share in His sufferings is an honor. Now I see that the things of this world really don't satisfy. Now I delight to store up treasures in heaven knowing that He is the Pearl of great cost and giving our lives for His kindgdom is where true joy is found!

A lot of my days are hard. I wake up with my sinful self asking for His mercy and guidance and Presence because I simply can't get through the day without it. I am in way over my head and am drowning in my weakness the moment I take my eyes off of Him. My day is filled with caring for children, that part I love, the part I don't like at all is discipling them. It is messy, they all have their issues and personalities that clash and their own areas of sin that they struggle with. I am the one responsible for training them in righteousness...NO PRESSURE! I fail most times but hit the mark here and there and trust His grace to cover it all!

I sneak in a few phone calls to my African children and the pastor they call Dad to see how everyone is doing. Most of my text conversations are with my friend over how much rice the kids need, when their tuition is due, which ones are sick and need medical care and how we can meet the needs of all 100 of them with a few loaves of bread and fish?? My prayers are consumed with asking for helpers, strength to stand firm against opposition and for God to graciously keep using us in their lives.

My days of play dates, hair appointments, shopping, coffee with girlfriends, phone conversations just to chat are no where in sight.

I am not complaining because my life is richer and deeper than it has ever been. Every single sacrifice He has asked me to make has been worth it. Every ounce of suffering that He has asked me to share with Him has brought joy beyond measure. He is the Pearl of great cost and I will keep sacrificing and suffering if it means I know Him more!