God of the Hopeless

Written by Jerome:

There were 6 in the room including me. I looked around, every wall of the converted garage was covered with large posters of Eddy from Iron Maiden fame. LSD was blazing through my veins. Yes everything was normal except for the words that I was hearing. One of my good friends was bringing a startling message:

 “This will show them.”
“What other way will we get their attention?"
“What other HOPE do we have?" 

5 sets of LSD flushed eyes stared back at him but there was no response but a clear tacit approval. He is serious and no one was arguing with him! Finally after a few minutes some responded that they were with him. I wanted to argue, mainly because I was afraid of dying, but I did not have anything to argue back with. I hated my life, why shouldn’t I kill myself?  I was tormented. I hated the world and all of its BS. Anytime I would try anything in hope, I failed.  I knew even if I went back to school or got a good job or started a family I would still be miserable. Fear was alive in my body. I was afraid to die. Even if I said no they could still kill me.
 
I was the first to say no. It all passed. It probably was the LSD that made me afraid for my life. But the hopelessness was real and he meant what he said. I wanted to die. It was an appealing message that caused 5 of us to stare and think. The speaker was a good friend of mine. He went on to get married and have a couple of kids. One day the American dream died for that family as he pulled a gun out, killed his wife and then put a bullet in the back of his head.  Poor kids.

Now the Hope of the world pulses through my veins. He fills my days with hope and it runs though me like a river. Every day as I awake! I call to my Hope! With You I could live in the pits of hell and still find joy! What the world searches for in drugs, relationships, money and fame I have in you my Hope. Why You saved me I do not know! But an even greater mystery is why you give me Hope today. Why you use me to bring Hope to others?? I feel Your power and I see Your wind rush through my life!

OH HOW I LOVE YOU GOD OF THE HOPELESS! YOU ARE WONDERFUL IN ALL YOUR WAYS! I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU!

Ha! One day I was hopeless and could not think of a good reason to live! BUT NOW BY DYING I AM FREE TO LIVE!!! HELP ME TO DIE TO MYSELF MORE! I am like a drug addict searching for little of Your Presence. Just as a drug addict gives up thing after thing for what he wants most I will bring everything I have to the cross until my house is empty!

For you I sing I dance! I WILL NOT FORGET WHERE YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME FROM. YOU ARE TRULY THE GREAT GOD OF THE HOPELESS!!