He is a Mystery. His will is not.

I have been trying very hard to not blog about Africa so that everyone would think I have a normal, American life. But this morning my heart is FULL of many things concerning the people of Sierra Leone. I am still in awe that the Lord has allowed me the opportunity to visit this little country on the coast of West Africa...that He has allowed me to walk among these precious people who have not been overlooked by Him. He knows each one by name...created them with His own hand and lives to pursue them with His love.

While I have a wonderful life here in America, a part of my heart is always in Africa. I do not go on mission trips and then simply return to my normal American life with little thought of those I left behind. I can't...not even if I used every ounce of strength to try. My heart and mind are constantly flooded with thoughts of my African family. There is a continuous, dull ache because my American and African families are not together on one continent. I doubt this ache will ever go away. I'm not sure Jesus wants it to.

Each time I visit Africa my eyes are opened more, my heart is broken more, and my resolve stronger than ever to let God use me to bring relief and deliverance for these precious ones. Like Esther, I want to have the courage to use my royal, American position for such a time as this. I desperately want to be one of the ones He chooses to bring hope and healing to these sweet people.

I do not deserve to be used for anything. I am weak, sinful, insecure and the list goes on...but I am willing. I am willing. I don't have much to offer, but I want to be used. I don't have much strength, but I want to fight. No, I do not have much, but what I do have I humbly bring before Him and ask Him to multiply it for the good of these people and the glory of His name. I am desperate to be emptied of myself so that I can love more lavishly and live more deeply.

What is the point of living this life if we are not investing in eternal things? I am not asking this from a position of authority, I am asking this from the position of a student who is learning, every day, what it means to deny my flesh, take up my cross and follow Him.

He is teaching me, through His word, through brokenness, through failure, through my relationships, through the times I have alone with Him that the point of this life is to do His will.

He is a mystery. His will is not.

Scripture is clear what our purpose is and it resonates in our hearts if we listen to His still small voice on the inside...if we open our eyes to the needs all over our world. We are called to love the hurting. Reach out to the lost. Nurture our children. Honor our spouse. Clothe the naked. Feed the hungry. Bind up the broken hearted. Fight for justice. Love Him and our neighbors, even our neighbors on the other side of the earth, with all our heart mind and soul.

This is simple. This is also difficult.

It is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn to do...harder than breaking my drug addiction or walking out of the strip clubs. But it is also the greatest source of joy I have ever known. I have found more purpose in abandoning myself to Him and allowing Him to love through me more than I ever imagined.

This is our God. A mighty warrior. A humble servant. A just ruler. A defender of the weak. A loving parent. A faithful friend. Yes, this is our God.

I was created in His image. I want to do what He did when He was on the earth. I want to live to do His will for the glory of His name. I do not want to live for selfish gain. This will no longer do. The conflict in my heart is too great. He has won me over in the most wonderful way. I am His. Fully His. Living to do His will.

So off to Sierra Leone I go....again...in 26 days and counting. Pray for me to be emptied of myself and to love deeply.