Where deep, lasting joy is found...

The last few days I have really struggled in my emotions because of a trial I have been walking through with someone I love deeply. Negative emotions like anger and sadness have threatened to dominate me. I have struggled to submit my thoughts to Christ regardless of what my emotions are. I have struggled to be still and quiet.

Yesterday joy came in like a crashing wave! On my way home from church I was driving in silence. As my thoughts focused on Christ and all He is doing in the lives of so many around me I thought I might explode with jubilation :) It was welcomed and unexpected. You see, yesterday I was in church with my brother and sister-in-love, my uncle, my mom and her husband, my sweet friends Amy and Crystal and of course my amazing husband. I was thinking about just those few people alone...how their lives have been changed, some radically and over years...some who are just starting to really respond to His pursuit of them. I thought of all the years of prayer for my family and how I see Christ producing fruit in their lives now. The pain of the years when I prayed and didn't see 'results' in the lives of my loved ones faded away knowing they are seeking Him now. This reminds me of something I read during my Treasure Time Saturday morning:

Habakkuk 3:16-19
16 I heard and my heart pounded,
my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
and my legs trembled.
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
to come on the nation invading us.
17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights. For the director of music.

Oh and the day just got better. It was the 2nd week of Jerome and I's new bible study. While Jerome was at Crest he ran into someone we met last week at church and invited him. He came. My uncle (who I have been secretly praying to come because I love him so stinkin' much) surprised me and came. With each person who walked through the front door I became more and more joyful! You see, these people, some single, some married, some new Christians, some seasoned Christians, some just coming back to God, some who have a church home, some who don't, were coming to our house to have fellowship, to learn and discuss God's word, to laugh, to eat, to pray...in our home with us!!! WHO ARE WE to get such an honor as to be a host for the fellowship of our sweet Saviour?

It just doesn't get any better than this. It really doesn't. Let me remind you, I was a stripper for years. I was strung out on drugs. I was addicted to men and bad relationships. I was living life for my own selfish pleasures. Even though my choices left me miserable I would not yield my life to Him. My husband sold drugs and got high every day. He hung out with robbers and death metal thrashers who sang their praises to Satan. He used his influence to keep people in their cycles of sin. He did not want to trade these things for freedom.

And then we both finally made the choice. We chose Him, because after all, He chose us. And our lives have never, ever been the same.

And now, the God of the universe has made his home in the heart of the ex-drug dealer and the ex-stripper. We have had the JOY of pouring into the lives of others what He has poured into us.

Psalm 115:1
1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.

So as each person walked through the door I marveled at how He drew them. Not to our home, but to Himself. Some of these people, I knew their stories intimately. I knew their struggles against sin, their painful trials, their tenacious pursuit of the living God. Some I did not know much at all about, but I wanted to. I wanted to hear where they were at with the Lord, where they wanted to go with Him. I knew for them to come to our house last night meant they were seeking Him on some level and this alone gave me encouragement.

Not everyone will come back. Not everyone will seek God with their whole heart. Not everyone will choose Him. Not everyone will make Him their joy.

BUT I WILL.

And I hope the joy He has poured into my life will spill over onto anyone who comes near me. And I hope those who are willing and ready to make the daily choice to seek Him will somehow be encouraged, sharpened, and spurred on by Jerome and I's lives. I even hope some will be offended by the undignified and lavish way we love Him, worship Him and live for Him. If not, we are not living fully enough for the glory of God.

I am more fired up than ever to live life full throttle for Christ. There are so many people who need to see a real, authentic love for a real, authentic God. May I be one of those people. Even if I look around and see only a few standing with me. May I still continue to stand. If even one person is drawn near to Him because of His work in my life, one person, it will all be worth it.

I know to live for Him will mean I am rejected by many. I will have to choose to do what is right, trusting that His ways are higher than mine. I will struggle against the unseen sin in my heart. I will have to fix my eyes on Him and not on the things of this earth. I will hurt more deeply for other people. I will have to make my will a slave to His. I will be ridiculed for my standard of righteousness. I will have to reject the world's systems. I will be persecuted. I will have to learn to seek His counsel, coveting His words above anyone else's. I will be despised and misunderstood. I will have to take on His yoke and learn from Him. I will be lonely at times. I will have to say no to the desires of my flesh. Yes, to follow Him means I will suffer on many spiritual, physical and emotional levels. Oh but the privlage of sharing in His sufferings.

I also know that I will have purpose. I will be used by Him. I will experience His power in my weakness. I will share in His inheritance. I will walk in His freedom. I will be satisfied in Him. I will be loved by Him. I will become more like Him. I will reap a harvest at the proper time if I do not give up. I will find deep joy in in the cross, and with Him I will scorn its shame!

Hebrew 12:1-3
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

He is worth it. He is definitely worth it!

At the end of my days how I long for Him to have been glorified through my life. How I long to have spent each day living fully for Him so others might fully live!

May I be the one leper that returned to my Healer and thanked Him. I remember who I was when He called me. I remember. I owe Him my entire life. He deserves all of my heart. Every last part of it!

And this I have discovered is where deep, lasting joy is found!