You Have Set My Heart Free

I hesitate in writing these posts some times. I feel I am redundantly writing about the same things over and over with different words. Repeating the same themes some times in a new way. Some times not. But, I feel as if He invites me to revisit the same simple truths again and again because this is where freedom and life are found. Oh how I easy I stray from the narrow path. How often I need to be reminded to return to His ways.

Yesterday was rough. I got stuck in a yucky place emotionally. Anger, sadness, frustration and anxiety were my biggest struggle...though I must say I didn't put up much of a fight. Even at the end of the day I had not been broken. I was quite sick of myself. Jerome was so sweetly staying out of the path of my negative emotions. I caught him holding back a snicker or two at the end of the night. I love that man. He could have put me in my place, but He knows me well enough to know, this too shall pass :)

Well, to my delight I found myself waking up to a bit of relief from myself. The boys stayed the night with grandma so I woke to a still and quiet house. I all but ran to my lil' sanctuary, stopping only long enough to make a cup of coffee. I found at first I had to force myself to seek Him. Sort of going through the motions, you know the way you do when you are not greatly moved. But before I knew it the time was flying by. I came out for another cup of coffee and looked around the house. I thought of all the chores I could get done with the boys gone. Yet I felt a tug pulling me back into the place I set aside to spend time with Him...so I chose Him over the chores. Well, I must say that it was one of my better choices in the last 2 days :) 3 hours later my cup is full. This reminds me of something our friend Brandon said when we were discussing how important it is to seek the Lord first every morning before rushing into our day: The best part of waking up is Jesus in your cup :)

About half way through I was broken and began telling the Lord how sorry I was for my crummy attitude and actions yesterday. I hate it when my sin and selfishness affects those I love the most, my family. I felt as quickly as my repentance came, His grace, mercy and forgiveness came in like a fire consuming my shame. There is something so refreshing about just telling God everything He already knows and truly expressing your sorrow. There is also something holy about begging for His forgiveness, even though you already know He will freely give it. There is something beautiful about desperately asking Him to change you and help you to respond better, differently the next time you are in an intense struggle with your flesh and spirit. There is a strength found in doing these things that is supernatural and simply can't be acquired another way. I am learning more and more how to become undignified before Him. I am learning to not be bothered by adhering to a system or formula, but just prostrating myself before Him however He leads in the moment. This is quite uncomfortable at first, but it is becoming less so with practice. I am even learning to be still and quiet before Him. This is something that is rather difficult for me, yet I am finding most neceassary in our noisy world.

I was trying to decide how to share with all 2 of you who read this just what He has shown me. I have random things scribbled in my journal...verses from various places circled in my bible...profound statements high-lighted in a book that I am reading...and the lyrics from worship songs I have been listening to replaying in my mind.

This is a brief summary of what I am coming away with this morning...well, I suppose now we are moving into the afternoon :)

My satisfaction can only come from Him. My approval can not come from man. Because man should not be who I am serving. My contentment should not come from things, because they will pass away. My significance must not be tied up in my accomplishments, because then I am expecting glory for myself instead of readily reflecting it back to Him. My peace should not be sought through my circumstances because they will always be as shifting sand. Yes, my satisfaction must be in Him and Him alone.

He is the One who satisfies the longings of my soul. He is the only One who's approval I will seek. He is the One I must be serving, even when I am serving Him by serving others. He is the place I will find my contentment. Chasing after things leaves me empty. My significance is found in Him...in who I am in Him and His life lived through me. The most noble achievement I have come about in the flesh does not compare with HIS glory. It is foolish to try and manipulate my circumstances to gain the peace I desire.

Today, by His grace, I am choosing to find ALL of my satisfaction in Him and Him alone. Not in people. Not in what I do for others. Not in my accomplishments. Not in things. Not in my circumstances.

OH THE FREEDOM!

Let me end with these verses. May they speak to your heart they way they speak to mine. May they liberate you they way they have me!

Psalm 119:25-32
25 I am laid low in the dust;
preserve my life according to your word.
26 I recounted my ways and you answered me;
teach me your decrees.
27 Let me understand the teaching of your precepts;
then I will meditate on your wonders.
28 My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
29 Keep me from deceitful ways;
be gracious to me through your law.
30 I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set my heart on your laws.
31 I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD;
do not let me be put to shame.
32 I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.