All I Need is You!

I was sitting on my porch this morning singing worship songs to the God I love. I was choosing to sing out of a bit of discouragement. In my struggle against the negative thoughts that kept coming to mind, I finally was able to push them aside and just think about who He is.

I began thinking about the miracle of my life. I say miracle because when He rescued me I was dancing topless in strip clubs and addicted to drugs. He did something supernatural in me right away. Although I continued to dance and do drugs, I began wanting Him more than anything else, even though my flesh was so weak. He gave me this special love for Him, like a unique Treasure. That love urged me to read His word in my desperation for Truth, to cry out to Him in my extreme distress, to sing songs to Him in my depression, to chase Him down anyway I knew how. That love has only grown deeper and more intimate every day the last 14 years I have been following Him.

When I think about it, it is so strange. I never thought anyone would ever want to marry me, I never thought I would be a godly wife, mom, friend or a godly anything. At times that first year, I thought surely I would be enslaved to my addictions the rest of my days, never knowing freedom in this area. I was SO SO SO very weak. My emotions were the weakest of just about anyone I knew!

Yet, now when I look at the life He has given me, I am amazed! Not just because of Jerome and the boys, not just because He lets me love on sweet African children, not just because of my friends or influence.

What amazes me the most is that He keeps fanning the flame of this love He has given me for Him. He keeps me wanting more of Him. He keeps giving me the grace to trust Him in trial after trial. He keeps putting dreams in my heart that only He can bring to pass. He keeps revealing to me the greatness of who He is in new and wonderful ways. He keeps showing me that He is the God who can bring impossible things to pass. He keeps opening my eyes to new treasures in scriptures I have read a hundred times. He keeps speaking to my heart in a very real way, that He, the God of the universe, is for me, that He loves me deeply, that He rescued me and keeps me close to Him because I am His most prized possession, that He wants me to know that He is all I need so that I will bring great glory to Him.

He truly is hidden in me as I am hidden in Him. Him making His home in me, of all people, is the most beautiful proof of His steadfast love.

So today, He is enough for me. I don’t need Him to answer the cries of my heart. I don’t need Him to fix my circumstances. I don’t need Him to do what I think is best. I don’t need the praise of man. I don’t need to be accepted. I don’t need to have calm children J I don’t need to be the perfect wife. I don’t even need assurance that I will set foot on African soil ever again.

But what I do need is HIM. If everything else I hold dear is stripped away, yet I have HIM, I have all I REALLY need. He rescued me, He holds my life in His hands, He has my name written on His heart. He is the God I love because He first loved me and today I am delighting myself in all that He is!!!

I love you my sweet, sweet Lord. I love this life you have given us TOGETHER! You are the joy of my heart, my highest Treasure!