My Story - Part 1

Part 1 - The facts (birth thru age 5)

My mom and her 2 brothers were raised primarily by their mom (my mammaw) who had all 3 of them by the age of 19. Their dad (my papaw) was in prison off and on...the last time for 23 years. They grew up not knowing him. I say this to give you insight into why my mom may have raised me the way she did. She was handicapped emotionally and realtionally and did the best she could without Jesus. I love her!

My mom gave birth to me in Oklahoma City a few months after her 16th birthday. My dad met me when I was days old and chose not to be involved...I did not see him again until I was 5. My mom moved to California with a friend when I was a few months old. My first 5 years I lived back and forth between California with my mom and Oklahoma City with my mammaw. My mom was addicted to drugs and alcohol and seemed to find herself in dysfunctional relationships with men. My mammaw was very loving and safe. I now realize God was giving me a place of comfort and security when I was with my mammaw. She was a vessel of His love...even though she didn't realize it.

I was molested somewhere close to age five by a mentally retarded teenage boy. He was the son of the family my mom and I lived with in California. He use to like to play house with me. I was the wife and he was the husband. I remember around 4 and 5 feeling very ashamed...awkward and alone. I remember seeing drugs around the house and picking up on the dysfunction of things. I knew something wasn't right. It seems odd to me now that I would recognize these things at such a young age.

I remember laying in my bed at night and praying. I still remember some of my prayers. I would ask God to bless all of my earthly family and my dolls. I would tell all the heavenly people and angels goodnight. Strange little child I was. I knew even then that He was with me. I did not go to church. I can not give credit to anyone for teaching me to pray. It was Him and Him alone who revealed Himself to a scared little girl in a screwed up situation. He was pursuing me even at age 5...

Lots happened when I was 5. I will share more tomorrow...

Oh and if I knew how to scan pictures I would post some. Maybe Jerome can help me in the next few days...