My Story - Part 2

The big events of age 5!

When I was 5 my mom and I hitchhiked from California to Oklahoma to live with my mammaw. I think hitchhiking was much safer back then, my mom seemed to prefer this method for travel alot. :) Shortly after coming back to Oklahoma we moved to Arizona to live with my mom's older brother, Glenn and his wife Cindy. Growing up my mom was very best friends with her older brother and not as close with her younger brother. Both of my uncles were very loving and two of the VERY few men that felt safe to me.

My mom instantly hooked up with my uncle's best friend/business partner Dennis. We had not lived with my Uncle Glenn long when one day my mom and Dennis got in a terrible fight. My mom was crying hysterically and my Uncle Glenn tried to come in and mediate. Minutes later my mom, Aunt Cindy and I watched Dennis shoot my uncle once in the chest and once in the back. He was dead by the time the ambulance made it to the house.

Not only was my uncle my mom's best friend but he was also my mammaw's "favorite child."

Something happened to my mom...and my mammaw...and it wasn't good.

My mom's drug and alcohol abuse spiraled out of control. My mammaw would get calls from babysitters because my mom dropped me off and didn't come back for me. I would wake up in cars at night scared while she was inside somewhere. She would call my mammaw from payphones to come get me. She knew my mammaw loved me and used this to get things. My mom was angry and sad alot. I will leave out lots of specific details of this season because I want to honor my mom as much as possible. Please know that I love her and have compassion for where she was then and now. This is a miracle because I could not always say this. God is still in the process of giving me His perspective on her life. I no longer see her thru the lense of my pain and rejection. The more love and grace He pours into my life...the more I want to pour into hers.

My mammaw nearly went into a mental hospital...literally. She says to this day that having to take care of me was the only thing that kept her sane. She used alcohol to numb the pain. She always managed her alcohol well...or it managed her. She had the ability to drink habitually as a mood regulator and yet remain responsible. She was scared of what would happen to me if she weren't there to take care of me. She held it together the best she could for me. God used me to give her purpose because He loved her...she just didn't realize it.

The next big event that year was meeting my dad. My mom took me to his house and introduced me to him as her friend. He took me to a park. While he was pushing me on a swing he told me he was my dad. I told him that he couldn't be...my dad was in heaven (the Dad I prayed to of course). He told me years later that on the day that he met me his first thought was that I was odd. Maybe so...but I somehow knew even then that I had a Father in heaven that saw everything I was going thru and loved me.

I promise things will pick up over the next few days if you just hang in there with me :) I am writing out the big things or events that I feel shaped me into who I was before Christ and that He later turned into something beautiful. He has this wonderful way of bringing joy from sorrow and beauty from ashes...