Teach Me to Number My Days

Thursday evening Jerome took the boys to the gym. I decided to use my few hours of quiet time to catch up on my blog reading. I read a post by Beth Moore. She wrote a letter to her 4 year old grand son on his birthday. I just sat at the computer and cried. As I asked the Lord why the tears? I felt as if I was weeping for the years that are passing so quickly...for the way God has used each of our boys to draw me near...for the joys and sorrows of being a mom...for the ways I fall short. I long to love them more deeply so they might know His love and share it with the world years after I am gone. I pray they would know His perfect, unending love through my imperfect, human love so they would pour it out into the lives of others. I do not want to be distracted from this highly important calling! My tears were tears of sorrow mingled with joy.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I decided to read the latest updates from Matt Chandler. In a world full of pain I am drawn to those who suffer well. He is one of those people for me. I think we have so much to learn from those who focus on Him in the midst of their trials...using them for His glory and the benefit of others.

Certain that God woke me up to speak something to my heart, I was determinded not to go back to bed until I took in all He wanted to show me. I had heard the buzz about Francis Chan's new book Crazy Love. I searched for him on you tube. I ended up intrigued by a 45 minute sermon unlike those I had heart any pastor here in America preach. I wondered how he had any members in his congregation. The truth of His message was strong, convicting and cut to the core. It didn't seem like one that many would return to hear. It was not sandwhiched in between flowery words of encouragement. I needed to hear what he had to say. As my heart disected his words I reluctantly took it in.

All of this combined with my crying session at the computer earlier that evening left me at this place....

I wished I had accepted Him before I was 21. I even wish I would have used the last 13 years more effectively for His kingdom. While I felt sorrow for not lifting up His name higher and sooner, I also felt the grace of Him working all things together for good!

Regret was replaced with a sense of urgency. The reality is that if I live a long life with good health, I have maybe 30 or 40 more years. My life could be half over right now. I do not want to waste a single year, month, day or minute on living for myself.

HE IS THE POINT.

There are people dying spiritually all over my own country. I have the anti-dote to spiritual death alive on the inside of me. I want my life to be wholly devoted to lifting Him up so others might live. I want to learn His ways and walk in them. I want to care more about others than I care about myself. My life was not given to me for me. I have all of eternity to live in bliss, free from pain and sorrow...so why do I waste an ounce of effort here on this earth trying to shield myself from pain or chase after comfort.

I do not want to be luke warm.

I do not want to be spit out of the mouth of God.

I do not want to make my church, my community, my kids, my family, my financial status (good or bad), my ministry, or anything else my idol.

I want to lift up His name alone. He is the only way to life. He is the only Answer for all those who need Him desperately. He is the only Answer for me.

I am one life. But may my life be one that glorifies Him. May I invest all the days He has given me on this earth into people so His name will be lifted High generations after I am gone. May I pour Him into the lives of our children, and anyone else who is close enough to have His life spill over from my life into theirs.

I am asking Him like Moses did, to teach me to number my days. I am also asking Him to help me not waste a single one of them. Our life is a midst and a vapor, yet it can be a mighty tool in the hand of our God. We are but dust, yet through Him we can be used to make an eternal difference. Join me as we cast aside all that entangles us and run the race set before us...knowing He is our Prize, our great Reward!

Psalm 90
BOOK IV : Psalms 90-106
A prayer of Moses the man of God.
1 Lord, you have been our dwelling place
throughout all generations.
2 Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
3 You turn men back to dust,
saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men."
4 For a thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.
5 You sweep men away in the sleep of death;
they are like the new grass of the morning-
6 though in the morning it springs up new,
by evening it is dry and withered.
7 We are consumed by your anger
and terrified by your indignation.
8 You have set our iniquities before you,
our secret sins in the light of your presence.
9 All our days pass away under your wrath;
we finish our years with a moan.
10 The length of our days is seventy years—
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span [a] is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
11 Who knows the power of your anger?
For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.
12 Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
13 Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.
14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.
16 May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.
17 May the favor [b] of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.