Wendy's Blog

The precious teenage girl that lived with us for 7 months and became part of our family has started a blog. She has written out her testimony. Please go read it!

She has an incredibly intimate relationship with God that is daily growing stronger. You will want to add her to your blog roll so you can read about her journey with Him.

Here's the link: http://everlastinglove4him.blogspot.com/

You can read my side of her story in one of my past blogs titled: "A Tribute to Wendy."

A Life of Worship

It has been 11 years since I gave my life to Christ. Sometimes I feel as if I am dreaming. He really came in and rescued me. He is still rescuing me...mostly from myself.

I can not fathom the love that He has for me. I know it to be true...my life is evidence. Yet I cannot fully wrap my mind around it.

I often wonder how come I am so fanatical about my relationship with Him when some christians seem to take Him or leave Him. It has to be Him that keeps me so close...or I KNOW I would stray. I know that my heart is deceitfully wicked above all things. He is the ONLY good thing that dwells in me.

Each year my love for Him grows stronger, runs deeper. I am drawn in more. I am changed more in my thinking...in my doing. I find that my will lines up more and more with His. My heart beats more in tune with His heart.

I swerve in and out of His will...and yet there is this wonderful margin of grace. I go thru seasons of not "feeling" in love with Him...and seasons where I "feel" so in love with Him my heart could burst. (I am in one of those seasons now).

Sometimes I feel as if He allows me to get a glimpse of what He has done in and thru me... and I can not take it all in. It leaves me overwhelmed...humbled...face down. I am so afraid of ever thinking any noble thing in my life is my own accomplishment. I want more than anything to go lower and lower so He can be lifted up in my life. I do not want to intentionally or unintentionally claim any of His glory for myself...ever.

I really want to be a living sacrifice. I do! I know I can only desire this because of His Spirit prompting me.

I want to live a life of worship. I do not want worship to just be the 30 minutes I sing to Him in the mornings. I want worship to be loving my husband and kids...reaching out to the poor and needy...encouraging my brothers and sisters in Christ...doing the things He is calling me to do with joy!

I want my life to inspire others to be near to Him...so near that they can hear and feel the beat of His heart. This is where we all really long to be and where He wants us. I have so far to go. I can only see in part.

Lord, give me the grace to spend my entire life loving You and allowing You to love others thru me...

Community

Jerome and I led a life group for 5 years. We then took an extended break. We have recently become a part of a new life group. It has had me thinking of how much we crave and need community. I love that in our group we have different personalities, perspectives, upbringings, spiritual gifts and more, yet our love for Christ binds us together. I love how we sharpen one another and encourage each other in our faith. It is a beautiful thing! Do you have a sense of community in your life?

My Lord is The Treasure

I fell in love with a worship song by Desperation Band while on a mission trip in NYC last September. I had such a surreal time while I was there.

There is something incredible about being on a mission trip. My favorite part is that all of your every day life distractions are removed. All you have to focus on from the time you get up until the time you go to bed is loving God by loving people....serving God by serving others.

We are called to do this in our every day life too...it is just harder.

Mission trips for me are like a spiritual vacation. I come home feeling so close to Him I could float away!!! I LOVE this feeling. I come home with stones of remembrance to help me not forget my experience. The Treasure song is one of those stones to help me remember my last NYC mission trip.

As I have been getting up every morning the last several weeks to spend time with Him...I have been blown away. These times have been so precious! They have been simply romantic! They are just too wonderful to call "quiet times". I asked the Lord to give me a special name for our mornings together.

I had been praying about it for several days. He finally showed me while listening to the Treasure song that they should be called my "Treasure Times". The lyrics do all the explaining:

Your breath is like rain

Your word it sustains me

I've come to this place

With intentions of finding You

Your truth is a lamp

Your wisdom my light

I'm seeking Your face

With intentions of finding You

I would run for a thousand years

If I knew every step would be getting me closer

I'd swim to the ocean floor

For my Lord is the treasure

My Lord is the treasure

Holy holy

Holy is the Lord

My mornings have become a time where I wake up and make my first priority to seek Him out...thru His word...thru prayer...thru worship...and I find Him...every morning...He never eludes me!

In the worship part of my "Treasure Time" I have been listening to this song. My heart connects so much with the lyrics. Every time it gets to the words in bold print I just cry.

He really is the Treasure...so why do I chase after things that don't matter...that don't satisfy???

May more of my heart be drawn to Him. The Lord is my Treasure!

Wild at Heart Boys!

I have been thinking a lot about my wild at heart boys, Jerome included :)

Last week I went to the drive thru car wash by our house. The boys love it when we go! One sits in my lap and pretends to drive. The other two pretend that bad guys are trying to get us and they have to take cover.

(Everything is an adventure to them).

After we drive thru I always pick a vacuum by the window where they can watch the cars drive thru. They were "spying" on cars and chasing each other up and down the side walk when Silas accidentally knocked Asher over. He cried...I held him for 15 seconds and then he was off playing again. As I was vacuuming out the van I noticed a man who worked there walk over to the boys. He told them that he didn't mean to ruin their fun but that the car wash wasn't a play ground and if they kept running on the concrete they might get hurt. I didn't have a very good mommy moment. I told the boys we would respect what he said, but then I looked at him and told him they were just boys having fun. He DID want to ruin their fun. They weren't being disrespectful or damaging property...they were just running and yelling and having a good time being boys. I thought surely this MAN understood them...after all he was a boy once wasn't he?

The next day I met a friend at McDonald's. By the time I ordered my food and was walking back to the playplace. My 3 year old had climbed on top of the trash can. Then when we were in the play area a concerned mom told me my 8 year old was climbing on top of a tall storage cabinet. She didn't want him to get hurt. When I told Micah not to climb up there he said that daddy lets him do it when they come together. Of course he does...he also plays in the big play thing with him :)

The next afternoon I had not been able to stop thinking about my wild boys. We don't leave the house much so when we do I REALLY notice their adventurous, rowdy boyness. The world is their playground! When we are at home I don't notice it as much even though they are just as wild. I began asking the Lord what it was that bothered me. This is what I feel he showed me...

He brought to mind one of the chapters in Deuteronomy I had read that morning. The children of Israel were being instructed on how to go to war once they entered the promised land. God was not only giving it to them but commanding that they take it by force. In the first 8 verses of chapter 20 they were told twice not to be faint hearted or afraid two different times. Men were created to be wild. It is built on the inside of them by their Maker for many purposes. They are created to protect, defend and to be wild about God.

The reason I notice (and am even bothered at times by) my boys need to be loud...to explore...to climb...to spy...to be wild when we are in public is because it is simply not acceptable in our society. Is it acceptable by God is the question.

I pictured the children of Israel being told not to run too fast when they went into battle because they might pull a muscle and get hurt :)

I shared my thoughts with Jerome. He said that even he gets embarrassed sometimes at their wild behavior in public but he chooses to not let that control him. If they are not being destructive or disrespectful then he lets them be loud and rowdy...the way God created them to be.

I am married to a man that is aggressive and passionate in everything....most of all his relationship with God. He is teaching our boys to be the same way. I know this pleases the Lord so it should please me too.

I am choosing to embrace my boys' energy and passion. They are wild at heart and someday they will change the world because of it!

Law vs. Grace

Jerome had one of his "Daddy Date Nights" with the boys last night while I had my girls group. EVERY single time he takes the boys to McDonald's he gets in the big play thing with them. Last night he said he was shocked to hear a very angry voice saying, "Sir, you come down from there right now!" He thought something bad had happened. So he slides down the slide with Asher in his lap to find out what is the matter.

(OK...I am laughing while typing this....Jerome is 37 years old sliding down the slide at McDonald's to an angry worker.)

The lady points to the big toy thing and proceeds to tell him how unsafe it is...how much trouble she could get in for letting him be in there. This is his response...exactly, "Lady, I have played in McDonald's playlands from the east coast to the west coast and have never been kicked out of one."

(I am cracking up out loud right now.)

She then asks if he would like her to call her manager. He says, "Sure."

(I love that he is determined to get to play in the playland with the boys. This is a serious issue for him.)

She leaves a message for her manager. While they wait she points to the rules and continues telling him how bad his offense is. He looks at the rules and number 2 says that you may enter to supervise your children. He reads it to her. Flustered, she goes out of the play area and stands at the window to watch him while she waits for a call back from her manager. A few minutes later she comes in and tells him her manager said he could go ahead and PLAY this one time. So with great joy he went back up into the big play thing with the boys.

I was laughing hysterically when he was telling me this. I told him I HAD to blog about it. I asked if we could tie some spiritual principal to it. He quickly likened the experience to law vs. grace. He said that he was walking in grace and there was joy and freedom. The rules clearly said you could enter the big play thing to supervise your children. He was not sinning. He was enjoying his relationship with his boys. The McDonald's employee had misinterpreted the rules. She added her own rule because she didn't think the rule provided enough safety.

An example is drinking. The bible is clear that drinking is NOT a sin. In fact some places in scripture encourage it. Scripture clearly teaches getting drunk IS a sin. (If you can not drink without getting drunk it is wise to not drink AT ALL.) A lot of Christians will say as emphatically as the McDonald's lady...you can NOT drink if you are a christian. Then you go to scripture and see something different. I think most who believe you can not drink at all teach it to others out of a desire to see them kept safe. It is scary to let God lead each individual (in areas that are not sin)...trusting God to keep them safe. The beauty of us having a relationship with God is letting Him lead us thru His grace to places of joy and freedom.

Let me clarify something. We have people that are a part of The Fixx that God has led to a place of NO DRINKING. We rejoice with them. For them this is where they have freedom. They can NOT drink and have freedom. Drinking leads them to bondage. GOD and NOT THE LAW has led them to a "no drinking" place.

Jerome and I did not drink for years. God led us. At a certain point we felt released by Him from that. (Probably because He had healed the things on the inside that led us to get drunk.) We had the freedom to NOT drink for years...because God led us. For years now we have had the freedom TO drink...because God has led us.

Thanks for hangin' in there with me while I (tried to) tie this all in.

Equal in Christ

We went to ROK BAR tonight to pass out flyers and finalize last minutes details for The Fixx this Sunday.

We were sitting in our car talking and Jerome saw an old friend from a bible study he went to about 11 years ago. His name is James. We invited him to come sit in the car with us out of the cold. He was panhandling and homeless. He shared with us his struggles. He was precious! He was honest about where he was at emotionally. He loves God. He wants to change. He is stuck.

We shared with him that the only thing keeping Jerome or I from being in his situation is God holding us together. We determined that the road to freedom is found in placing your problems on the alter and choosing to focus on loving God and others and trusting Him with your "issues."

I think we ministered to James. He DEFINITELY ministered to us. We were sitting in our warm, cozy car with our homeless friend James fellowshipping together and encouraging one another. We were all equal in Christ. I hope James could see that.

Jerome is going to let him live in one of our efficiency apartments. We told him it wasn't in the best of areas. All he cared about was that it had heat. He is going to work on some of our rental properties with Jerome's dad. All he cared about is that he would have fellowship. I hope that James finds the godliness with contentment that he craves. I pray he sees his worth and value and knows the depth of God's love for Him in ways he never has before.

Please pray for James.

Buried Treasure

Several days ago our oldest son Micah found a basket of toys in the garage. They were small toys like action figures, race cars and such. They were put in the basket about 2 years ago with the intent of being put into their proper tubs so they could be played with. They have just been sitting there in the garage.

Micah was so excited when he discovered them. He brought them into the kitchen where I was putting dishes away. With each new toy he would dig into the basket and pull out, he would have some elated announcement about which toy he had found. He would tell me how thrilled he was to finally get to play with it again. I said, "Wow, that is sort of like you finding long lost, buried treasure."

That next morning in my alone time with God...my reading of the Old Testament took me to the 4th chapter of Deuteronomy where these verses were nestled.

9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

This was Moses speaking to the children of Israel pleading with them to remember all the Lord had done for them and to pass down the stories of His faithfulness to their children.

I thought about how I have forgotten to give Him the first thoughts, words, writing, reading and worship time of my day. I used to do this faithfully when I was more desperate for Him. I started becoming more stable thru my relationship with God and began to covet sleep more than my morning alone time with Him. I let the joy of those mornings with Him slip from my heart. So this year my primary goal is to dig down deep for the buried treasure of those morning times with Him...and revisit those disciplines that I had in the beginning of my walk. I am returning to my first love...returning to do the things I did at first.

Revelation 2:3-5
3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.

I know as I seek Him first He will work everything that concerns me together for my good...even my trials...even my painful experiences...even my shortcomings...He will add all the things to my life that HE thinks I need.

Matthew 6:33-34
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So far this year he has given me the grace to get up and spend time with him first thing. I can see the fruit of this time throughout my days. Please pray for me as I continue to allow Him to give me the strength to redevelop this discipline in my life.

What are some buried treasures you need to dig up in your life?

Simple Truths

There is a line in a Starfield song that says: I thought age would tell the secrets...but the secrets are still secret and the years are passing by...

I asked Jerome what he thought this meant. He said that most of us think that age brings wisdom.

He talked about those first years he was saved...how on fire he was. He thought things like: I will end up memorizing the whole bible at the rate I am going...I will get to the place where I understand everything in the scriptures...Eventually I will be a spiritual super giant!

What ends up happening is that we acutally have Jesus leading us back to the same simple truths over and over and over. We have to revisit lessons in things like: Love God and others deeply...forgive every time...humble yourself often...bless your enemies...seek God first...endure hardships well...trust Jesus always...reach out to others...encourage one another...put others first...

And of course all these later things are summed up in the first...to love God and others deeply. I am so happy He makes it simple. Not easy...but simple.

After years of seeking Him we come to realize that some things will always remain a mystery this side of eternity. He is more than enough. All we need is Him alone!

(I really connect with the lyrics of this song...I never tire of hearing it. You can read the lyrics here if you want to.

I love Him!

Tonight we had dinner with some of our long time mentors. This couple is the parents of one of my best friends. They took me in a year after I was saved and months after I was off drugs.
They were deeply committed to me. They loved me, shared Christ with me and counselled me thru some of the most tumultuous times of my walk. When I met Jerome they gave us pre-marriage counselling. Once we got married they gave us weekly counselling for 8 months...and we needed it! I was a MESS but I loved Jesus and I loved people so Jerome kept me :) Jerome was hanging on for dear life wondering what in the heck he got himself into.

The purpose of the dinner was to thank them again all these years later. They saw something in me...in us. They saw past the emotional wreck that I was. They saw His plan for me.

They modeled something for us that we went on to copy. We have had several people live with us. We typically are reaching out to the overlooked and cheering for the underdog.

Over dinner we were sharing with them some of the stories of changed lives we have seen thru OASIS. We were all laughing and rejoicing together. In a strange way even though they had never met the people we spoke of....it was like we were all connected thru the Spirit.

Jerome starting sharing how much it meant to him that John encouraged him thru that time. How it helped him hold on thru the storm. He was saying such wonderful things about who I am today and commending them for their part. He was recognizing their sacrifice and commitment. He started to tear up. (Pause, worship and me having babies are about the only two things that make him cry). So of course I teared up too waiting for him to cry. He didn't cry though.

When we got home we were rehearsing the night...how wonderful it was to be with John and Janny again...to all rejoice and laugh and reminisce....together. Jerome asked me if I noticed him start to cry at dinner. He said the reason he didn't was because it wasn't efficient. He said he would have lost his train of thought and then no one would've understood him because he was crying. He CRACKS me up!

OK...so he JUST NOW...while he is playing HALO...a game where you shoot people with guns....said "OH MY GOSH, moo-moos are on the floor." Moo-moos are our 5 year old's sleeping animals that he has had since birth. They stay here on Thursdays when Silas spends the night at Aunt Nina's so they don't get misplaced. We have a new puppy...so the OH MY GOSH was that they needed to be put up so Yoda didn't get them. Then he says he would rather one of our cars get stolen than to have moo-moos get ruined.

I love that he is a strong warrior and yet cares about moo-moos and cries at dinner...well almost cries...he would have if it would have been more efficient :)

OK...all this has no flow and makes no sense but that is the joy of blogging! Happy Reading!!!!

Balaam and his talking donkey

When I came to the story of Balaam I was confused after the first time I read it.

(You can read the story for your self in Numbers chapters 22-24).

Balaak is afraid of the children of Israel and sends his men with a fee for divination to summon Balaam to come and curse them.

Balaam tells Balaak's men twice he can't curse the children of Israel if God has not cursed them. Balaam says he will not budge for any amount of money.

It APPEARED to me that Balaam was obeying what the Lord required of him.

The Lord finally gave him permission to go with the men if he did only what the Lord told him to do. When he sets out to leave on his donkey with Balaak's men the next morning the Lord is angry. This left me confused.

Then the Angel of the Lord (preincarnate of Jesus) blocks Balaam's path. The donkey can see Jesus but Balaam can't. He beats the donkey. The Lord opens the donkey's mouth and he asks Balaam why in the world he is beating him. Balaam tells the donkey it is because he is making a fool out of him. Then the Lord opens Balaam's eyes and he sees the Angel of the Lord. Jesus is telling Balaam if the donkey wouldn't have stopped He would have killed him and let the donkey live. Which is a clear message that the donkey's life has more value than Balaam's. The Lord tells Balaam that his path is a reckless one before Him.

It APPEARS that when Balaam finally sees Jesus he is eager to obey. Balaam says he won't go if He doesn't want him to. Then Jesus tells him to go and speak only what He tells him to.

I am still confused. Isn't he ultimately obeying when disciplined?

Once he gets to Balaak he shows Balaam several different views of the children of Israel but Balaam refuses to curse them. Balaam speaks several oracles of blessing over the children of Israel and finally gets sent home by Balaak with no money.

I almost dismissed it and intended to move right along to the next chapter and leave Balaam and his donkey settled in my mind.

BUT what seemed a bit odd to me was that in the third oracle it mentions that Balaam did not resort to sorcery as at other times. I thought maybe this indicated that he was double minded. All of us can be double minded from time to time. We want what the world has to offer and we want Jesus. I think the key question to ask is which do we want more?

After I finished those 3 chapters I asked Jerome if he knew if Balaam was a known sorcerer since Balaak had sent for him with a divination fee. The text also implied that he had used sorcery in times past. I told Jerome it APPEARED Balaam had changed his sorcery ways if so. I told Jerome it APPEARED Balaam obeyed so why did God keep getting so pissed at him...to the point he wanted to kill him.

Jerome knew of other scriptures that I wasn't familiar with that showed Balaam's character. His conclusion was that Balaam was playing games with God. God sees past our words and actions and into our hearts. He also asked me to think of prophets with a deep passion for God like Isaiah. He asked me to think about what Isaiah's response would have been to Balaak's request compared with Balaam's response. I was still uncertain as to what I thought.

I decided to look up any scriptures I could find about Balaam. Here is what I came up with...

I find out later he was slain in battle as a command by God. He became known as Balaam son of Beor, who practiced divination. How's that for a heritage to leave behind? You can read about it in Joshua 13:21-23.

In the New Testament Peter goes on and on about false teachers and how terrible they are. He likens them to Balaam who he says loved the wages of wickedness. You can read about it in 2 Peter Chapter 2.

In his book Jude talks about the ways of evil godless men and guess who he compares them to? Balaam! You can read about it in the book of Jude.

This is what shocked me. My husband had told me that later on Balaam ended up counselling Balaak to entice the Israelites to sin by eating food sacrificed to idols and by committing sexual immorality in hopes that God would want to curse them so he could finally get his money. Sure enough there it is in Revelation chapter 2! Balaam spent himself on seeking dishonest gain instead of seeking the Lord.

So after digging deeper into Balaam's life I re-read Numbers 22-24 again with a fresh new perspective. Here is what I saw.

Balaam at some point used sorcery as a means for financial gain. He obviously had some sort of connection with God and used it for his own advantage. Even though it APPEARED that he was outwardly obeying, God saw what was going on in his heart.

Outward obedience with inward rebellion is not acceptable.

When you do not want to obey but in brokenness you obey anyway it is acceptable and pleasing to the Lord. This wasn't the case with Balaam.

Next I saw that even though in Numbers 22:18 Balaam refers to the Lord as the Lord MY God. He clearly hadn't given God lordship of his life on the inside. This reminds me of a scripture in the New Testament. You can read about a warning Jesus gives concerning false prophets in Matthew 7:15-23. Not everyone who says Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

Balaam was clearly told by the Lord the FIRST time he inquired of Him NOT to go with Balaak's men. He inquired of the Lord a second time with greed in his heart. He did not want to do the will of God but wanted to convince God to let Him curse the people for money. God saw thru Balaam's manipulation and saw into his heart. He does the same with us. He looks at our motivations and judges us with mercy.

I also recognized Balaam's spiritual blindness. He did not see the Angel of the Lord blocking his reckless path to Balaak. He had tunnel vision. His focus was not on the Lord or doing His will. Instead his heart was set on finding a way to curse the children of Israel for monetary gain. I find it funny that God pointed out that the donkey had more obedience and reverence than Balaam did.

Balaam was trying to manipulate God. Balaam was mad because the donkey was making a fool of him. His focus was on himself more than doing the will of God. God revealed Balaam's pride and double mindedness thru His rebuke.

I love that God reminds the children of Israel in later scriptures that Balaak AND Balaam wanted to curse them. It APPEARED only Balaak did.

Balaak was forthright in his sin. Balaam was deceitful about his sin. Both men had evil intentions.

In God's reminders to the children of Israel I see that despite Balaam's evil intent, God's sovereignty ruled. He MADE Balaam bless them. It wasn't that Balaam WOULDN'T curse the children of Israel but that he COULDN'T curse them. God is ultimately the Blessed Controller of all things. He is sovereign in our lives therefore He is trustworthy.

I have read this story before but it has never come so alive for me. I have read many old testament scriptures. This is the 2nd time I have read thru the Old Testament chronologically. I highly recommend it to be a yearly commitment. God has spoke such powerful things to me in between the genealogies :)

I know this was long. Thank you for bearing with me. I spent days stopping and starting in between the joyful chaos at my house. It was important to me to share my thoughts with you all. God's word is one of the primary tools He has used to change my life. I have a deep love for scripture. I find all the answers I need to any of life's concerns written in His Word. Even in stories about talking Donkeys :)

Let me leave you with a few questions.

• We want what the world has to offer and we want Jesus. Which do you want more?
• When God asks something of you is your response to try and play games with Him like Balaam? Is your response to respond in reverence and humility like Isaiah?
• What do you want to be said of you when you die? What is the heritage you want to leave behind?
• What do you spend yourself on? Is it seeking the Lord or other things?
• Do you struggle with outward obedience combined with inward rebellion?
• Has there been a time recently when you did not want to obey but in brokenness you obeyed anyway?
• Do you find comfort in knowing that God looks into our hearts at our motivations and judges us with mercy or does this scare you?
• When God rebukes you does it reveal pride and rebellion or humility and brokenness over your sin?
• At what times do you tend to focus on yourself more than on the Lord and doing His will?
• Do you find joy in knowing God is sovereign and the Blessed Controller of all things?
• Have you read the old testament thru chronologically ? If so how has it benefited you. If not will you read thru it this year?

These are just some reflective questions to make you think.

I will leave you with this verse:

Hebrews 4:12
12For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

One of my (mental) New Year's resolutions is to blog more :)

I back tracked in my Old Testament reading to the story of Balaam so I could write this blog. In my current reading in the Old Testament I am in a bit of a boring spot. Is it OK to say parts of God's word are boring :) I will take a break and blog about other things...

I love you all!