My Story - Part 13

I have wrote 6 posts tonight and will post one each day so stay tuned. I am really back this time :)

I had met a guy named Warren in the strip club who I had been telling about my desire to be closer to God...to leave dancing, etc. He said he was a christian too...after all he had went to a christian school :) He appeared to support me leaving dancing also. He did not do drugs. He was just a good ole' boy who liked his beer :)

My mom and I were fighting constantly. Our last fight turned physical with Warren at our apartment. My mom chased me down and Warren intercepted her.

Warren and I immediately got an apartment together. I quit dancing. He had an extra car so I went job hunting. I worked for a temporary agency for a little bit. I started asking if Warren would go to church with me at a Baptist church right across the street from our apartments. He always had an excuse. I became friends with his best friend's girlfriend, Shawna, who lived in our apartment complex. She went to church with me a few times. It was a gigantic Baptist church. I would go by myself sometimes and just sit in the very back where I would not be discovered and soak in the amazing Truths. It was like water to my thirsty soul. I once had to leave the service twice to go throw up because I had such a bad hangover. I made it thru though :)

Warren started going back to the strip clubs. We were fighting constantly. I would sit up hours at night waiting for him while I would write in my journal and pray and read my bible. I would write things like "God please let Warren marry me so we will not being having sex outside of marriage." Oh God must have thought I was adorable. He had so much more in store for me! A constant thing I would beg God for in my journal entries was for Him to make me a godly friend, and eventually a godly wife and mommy.

I was a bit on the crazy side. I was an emotional wreck. Now that I wasn't using drugs every day lots was coming to the surface. Warren couldn't handle it. He took everything in the apartment (it was all his) and his car and left me there alone after a month.

My friend Shawna got me a job in the mail room of the insurance company she worked for. She drove me back and forth to work. She took me to garage sales and thrift stores to get me furniture and clothes...I had thrown all my skimpy clothes out. After Warren left I would sit in my room and cry for hours. It was the most lonely, depressing time of my life. I had never allowed myself to be alone and really face myself without a guy or drugs or friends or something to distract myself. All I had was a radio, my bible and my journal. Everything was coming forth and it took everything in me to not use drugs to cover it up. I didn't though. I would pour my heart out hour after hour to Him. I would listen to sermons on the radio...write in my journal and devour His Word. It was literally life to my bones! He was my manna...the Living Water that left me wanting more and more of Him. I can truly say that it was the most bitter sweet time of my life!!!