During this time I got a call when I was at work that my mom was in the hospital. By the time Shawna got me there my mom was barely conscious. The last thing she told me was that she felt like she was dying. She was. After she spoke those words to me she was unconscious and on life support for 2 weeks.
She had been smoking cocaine and doing other drugs for so many days that she didn't realize she had pneumonia. She was overdosing and her body was shutting down but she didn't realize it because she was so high. Her organs started shutting down. The doctor's told my mammaw and I that there had many so many years of drug use that her body had had enough. They were just expecting her to not come out of it. She had a blood transfusion and still nothing. She just lay there day after day in ICU.
I literally lived in the hospital waiting room. I cried out to God like never before! I called the Baptist church I had went to and asked them to put my mom on their prayer list. They sent someone to the hospital to pray with me and encourage me. This was precious to me. I was astounded that they came. It was completely unexpected and greatly welcomed. I was so broken.
Finally a week and a half into my stay at the hospital there was no change in my mom's condition. I couldn't take it anymore. I was so discouraged. I had cried until I had no tears left. I had lost hope. I was weak and I ended up doing drugs. This was a binge that lasted a few days. It was a very weird experience. I felt like the people that ended up in my apartment had demons speaking thru them saying things to discourage me. It was just bizarre and pushed me over the edge. I was reading the bible out loud...trying to cast out demons...oh my what a sight it was. My friend Shawna finally came over and kicked everyone out of my apartment.
I had so much guilt. Guilt for leaving the hospital...guilt for doing drugs again...piles of guilt. I couldn't face my mammaw or go back to the hospital. I wanted to hide. The guilt lead me to go to the Baptist church across the street :) I went to their prayer meeting. I made one of my friends come with me. We were definitely the youngest ones there. They broke into circles of 8 or so and shared prayer requests and then we all prayed out loud. I was so nervous but even more desperate!
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5 comments:
Oh, I got behind and had to catch up! Shanna...your passion comes out even in the tough stuff of your previous life. I'm so glad God wired you like He did! ; ) I Cor 1:26-28
So glad you're back!
How hard. After staying at the heart hospital with my dad, I can understand in some small way a bit of what you've mentioned here. I am totally the type to turn to anything to rid the pain. How amazing to hear this journey of your gradual growth in Christ!!!
I love you, dear Shanna!
if this comment posts more than once, please delete for me....I was having difficulties ;)
I cannot wait until the next one!!! Love you!!
Bless your heart!! How thankful I am for the LORD's peresevering love that clings onto us when we don't even know how much we need Him. It is such a good reminder to me to follow up with people God puts on my heart. We never know where they are in the process of coming to the end of themselves and the surrender to Him.
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