My Story - Part 18

At this point I was so behind on my bills. I had no real christian friends. My Spirit was willing but my flesh was still so weak!

An old friend from High School named Jessica that I used to drink and party with called my mammaw. Word had got around that I had become very strung out and moved to Texas. She had become a christian a year and a half earlier. She and her friends started praying for me and had continued to do so for a year before she finally found a way to get in touch with me. When I called her and she shared all this with me I was shocked. I had been saved exactly a year earlier. She told me she had a 2 bedroom apartment. She had a job at an insurance company that she could get me hired at and a church community that had been praying for me! She said that God had been leading her to have me come live with her back in Oklahoma City. I literally had nothing to lose. It was such an answer to prayer. I was craving christian friends so badly. So of course I said...let me pray about it :) I was torn because I didn't want to leave my mom, brother and mammaw but in the end I felt God showed me to go.

I contacted my best friend that I had the last few years before I started doing drugs and told her I was moving back. She said she wanted to come get me and take me to LA for a trip and pay for it so we could reconnect. I ended up doing cocaine and clubbing and staying up all weekend. On the drive back I was miserable. Here came the guilt again. I was so discouraged. How could I be SOOOOO weak! I hated it. It was my turn to drive. My friend was asleep and there were mountains everywhere. I was telling God how I felt like I was destined to be a drug addict the rest of my life. I felt so enslaved. Why couldn't I be completely set free. He surfaced the scripture to my mind that said "if you have the faith of a mustard seed you could move a mountain." I knew I had a mustard seed of faith :) About that time the road curved and the mountain in front of me disappeared behind other mountains. It wasn't magic...it was just a curve of the road...but it was a stone of remembrance for me to hold onto! He was constantly reassuring me in ways that I could see clearly that He was not dissapointed in me and that He was going to finish the work He had begun in me...and He is still holding true to that promise!