The Power of a Raindrop

I am overwhelmed with His plans.  All morning long I have been remembering conversations I have had in the last couple of years and I am seeing how they all fit with what God is doing today.  I did not know that it was God speaking, the words passed in one ear and out the otherostensibly without effect. I did not know that they were rippling through eternity with power.  My heart should have stopped as I listened.  What power he wields!  He whispers in our ears the smallest message, just a drop of water falling from the sky.  Before we know it the drops from all locations form a river that changes the face of the earth. Mountains leveled and valleys formed! Before we know it new beauties are formed and old beauties are forgotten.

My mind wants to see every drop that was responsible but I cannot as one enters my mind another is lost. As I ponder each drop I am amazed at His power but I cannot predict or see the plan. But when the new beauty forms I am amazed. I see it and know that it is good!

How amazing He is! I love you God! It is too simple for You to form or level mountains with the snap of Your finger. InsteadYou orchestrate a chorus of the smallest raindrops to paint the most amazing detailed pictures.  A man could take a lifetime and never see all the details of one of them!

Lord please take every moment of my life and form Yourraindrops. Fill my life with the purpose of Your Glory. Expand my heart so I can see Your Glory.  May every thought and every word be under Your control. Help me see Your power in everything I do!

He is Worth it ALL!

My BFF text me tonight to ask me to process my anxiety....here was my response:

(And really I have been so convicted to write in this blog...more than anything so that I will have a written record of my journey and for anyone else who might need encouragement as desperately as I do daily...so this was an easy way to express where Jesus and I are at and encourage you without writing it a second time.  We all know convos with our closest friends are when we are the most transparent and vulnerable so I am kinda going out on a limb here....  AND 6 children is making me into the master multi-tasker!  AND I love that God invented copying and pasting!  OK, that's all of my random thoughts for now.)

Ok, I think I might know what is going on. I'm REALLY being purified. I'm tearing down the straw man that I am even a teeny weeny bit righteous on my own. I think He is still revealing to me layers at a time of the gospel. I asked to know it, be worthy of it and live it out back when we were meeting in your condo. This is all part of that answer. He's wanting to show me how human and dust-like I am so I do not become self-righteous or self-sufficient or for a moment try to live on yesterday's manna! He's wanting me to see the glory and the beauty of the cross for ME so I can teach it to my children, my friends, my enemies, strangers. I can not teach effectively what I do not know. I prayed to grow in the knowledge and grace of Jesus a few months ago. He's pulling back His shield and protection a bit so I can see that my only Worth and Hope is Jesus and then to preach this from the mountaintops. I feel a bit like Samson when his hair was cut and his strength was gone. The difference is I know He is controlling and managing all of this chaos for His glory and my good and for a precise purpose! He's teaching me to walk in grace and holiness by being desperate and humble. Crystal ,He has done a miracle in my life. I'm a living, walking miracle. I could not live a second without Him. I would be crushed by the weight of it all. Yet I know I'm called to give and serve and lay down my life EVEN more...yet I'm maxed out. So He's pruning me, adding on extra weights to build my spiritual muscles for my benefit and the benefit of those around me. He has made me a mother to the Nations and is building generations through me...yet I'm Peter.  I'll deny Him in my own flesh but in His Spirit I can scale a wall and move a mountain. I'm 'getting' grace. I'm understanding it. I have to fall at the mercy seat of the cross! I have to find my strength and worth and purpose and power there. And I have to teach others this truth! So here's the logistics...

 

In my humanness I'm just wanting to homeschool my kids and do the laundry and discipline in love and have long talks and quality time with the kids here at home and have a 'normal' life...and...and... and realizing that isn't going to happen!!!! I am not normal because Jesus will not let me be. I'm stuck! I'm so desperately in love with Him that I can't turn back. I'm so far out in the deep that the shore us nowhere in sight and He's calling me DEEPER STILL! Yet if I take my eyes off Him for a millisecond I'm drowning!!! He won't take away names a faces of kids needing education in Sierra Leone, He won't let me ignore the reality that the godliest people I know can turn out to be like David in the bible.  He won't let me just have a normal life. He won't. He wants me poured out until nothing is left and then return to His Well to refill on His Living Water so I can be poured out again!
And He won't let me turn to false comforts or quick fleshly relief to escape the weight and pain and hardness of it all because He's teaching me that true joy in the midst of the weight and pain and hardness of it all is only found in Him! Ok....there you have it. Aren't you glad you asked for details.
Oh thank you for letting me throw up in you. I know you are in the thick of wedding planning and I hate to unload on you but I feel a weight lifted. So few get me or understand. I know you know. And I know you'll pray. And I know you'll rejoice with me when new fruit sprouts on the vine and when a harvest of righteousness and peace are produced in me from this season of submitting to His loving discipline!!! I love you sweet BFF!

 

God of the Hopeless

Written by Jerome:

There were 6 in the room including me. I looked around, every wall of the converted garage was covered with large posters of Eddy from Iron Maiden fame. LSD was blazing through my veins. Yes everything was normal except for the words that I was hearing. One of my good friends was bringing a startling message:

 “This will show them.”
“What other way will we get their attention?"
“What other HOPE do we have?" 

5 sets of LSD flushed eyes stared back at him but there was no response but a clear tacit approval. He is serious and no one was arguing with him! Finally after a few minutes some responded that they were with him. I wanted to argue, mainly because I was afraid of dying, but I did not have anything to argue back with. I hated my life, why shouldn’t I kill myself?  I was tormented. I hated the world and all of its BS. Anytime I would try anything in hope, I failed.  I knew even if I went back to school or got a good job or started a family I would still be miserable. Fear was alive in my body. I was afraid to die. Even if I said no they could still kill me.
 
I was the first to say no. It all passed. It probably was the LSD that made me afraid for my life. But the hopelessness was real and he meant what he said. I wanted to die. It was an appealing message that caused 5 of us to stare and think. The speaker was a good friend of mine. He went on to get married and have a couple of kids. One day the American dream died for that family as he pulled a gun out, killed his wife and then put a bullet in the back of his head.  Poor kids.

Now the Hope of the world pulses through my veins. He fills my days with hope and it runs though me like a river. Every day as I awake! I call to my Hope! With You I could live in the pits of hell and still find joy! What the world searches for in drugs, relationships, money and fame I have in you my Hope. Why You saved me I do not know! But an even greater mystery is why you give me Hope today. Why you use me to bring Hope to others?? I feel Your power and I see Your wind rush through my life!

OH HOW I LOVE YOU GOD OF THE HOPELESS! YOU ARE WONDERFUL IN ALL YOUR WAYS! I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU!

Ha! One day I was hopeless and could not think of a good reason to live! BUT NOW BY DYING I AM FREE TO LIVE!!! HELP ME TO DIE TO MYSELF MORE! I am like a drug addict searching for little of Your Presence. Just as a drug addict gives up thing after thing for what he wants most I will bring everything I have to the cross until my house is empty!

For you I sing I dance! I WILL NOT FORGET WHERE YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME FROM. YOU ARE TRULY THE GREAT GOD OF THE HOPELESS!!

The Power of a Father's Love

1 Thessalonians 2:11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.
One of the big fears that I had going into this trip was failure. You see Shanna had spent 10 trips telling stories of how awesome I was. She probably had never told one story of me being worn out, snapping at the kids or just having a really apathetic day. I fail as a father and as a follower of Christ on a regular basis. So the real Jerome was about to meet 108 children that call me “Dad Jerome”.  Even if I was amazing the whole trip I still was only one man with so many children. On the orphanage wall as I walked in I was confronted with a message in big letters written “Welcome Dad Jerome”

All the boys gathered around and the suitcases were carried in. After talking to my son Benjamin in person for the first time I opened a suitcase and started giving bibles out to the boys that needed one. Then I preached to them 2 Peter 1 “And we have the word of the Prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it as to a light in a dark place. ABOVE ALL YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT NO PROPHECY CAME ABOUT BY THE PROPHETS OWN INTERPRETATION…”

As I walked about the orphanage that night boys were all over studying the bible. Many brought questions, some ask me to quote scriptures to them and then asked me to teach them. One question turned into about an hour-long bible study with about 12 boys! Some vowed to memorize scripture like me…All the way until about 130 or 2 AM in the morning this went on and on.

The next morning I woke up at 5 AM to an unexpected sound.  The Muslim call to prayer was broadcast loudly all around the orphanage. A few hours later we headed to the soccer field. The boys wanted to hold a soccer game between the high school and college boys. The field was highly un-level and it was covered with sand, rocks and holes. Very dangerous but I could not resist playing with them so I inserted myself into the game. It was really hot and humid but I was determined to play. I felt faint near the end but I kept thinking, “I am not going to let them down by having to leave the game”.  I scored the first goal, broke one of my toes but I survived. Later when Shanna asked my son Solomon his favorite part of the trip he said, “Dad scoring the first goal in soccer and also leading people to Christ with him.” HA!  Not exactly on the same scale.

Later that night the as I was quoting 1 Thessalonians the Lord spoke to me.  I came to this scripture….
1 Thessalonians 2:11 For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

I felt God encouraging me to obey this scripture. So I sought out several of the older boys and told them how proud I was of them. One by one I saw extreme joy on their faces as I listed reasons I was proud of them. The last was the most notable though. Gabriel was with me about 1 AM when I walked up to my room. I told him I was proud of how well he performed in soccer earlier. I told him I was proud of his hard work in college and I told him I was proud of how bold he is in the Lord. He looked stunned when I was saying these things. He very quickly said bye and left. 15 minutes later he returned with a full page letter talking about how much he loved me and how much he thanked God for me and Shanna. 15 minutes later I walked downstairs and he was co leading a random bible study with about 25 boys! They all had their new bibles in hand and were taking turns telling the stories that inspire them.  Here we sit thousands of years later and boys thousands of miles away are telling THE Story.  The Story of a strong Father. 

I was scared on this trip. What do you say to a boy that has never known his father?  What do you say to a boy that has seen his father slain in cold blood? What do you say to a boy you will probably only see once a year. I do not even do a good job with my boys that I am with every day. You tell him about the strongest Father! The Father who can never be taken away. You tell him of the Father who was slain to protect His children. You tell Him this Father is stronger that death! You tell him “He is strong with Justice and Love!  Compassionate, Loving, Fierce! You urge him to live a life worthy of God who calls you into His kingdom and glory! The only Father worthy of praise!

Can You Help...

I got this email this morning from our DHS case worker...what is your part in caring for the fatherless so these scenerios end in Jesus' Name...

Hello. We have a special foster care need that I would like you to share with yourgroup. This need is critical, and needs to be bathed in prayer to find the right solution.

We have 3 children in DHS custody. Their parents were drug dealers and were in andout of jail. The children witnessed a drive-by shooting. They were shuffled from onerelative to another to another. They lived with aunts, grandparents, second cousins,etc. They have also had DHS involved in their lives from an early age; when the oldestboy was two months old, his mother had left him alone in the home for a day becauseshe was too high to remember him.At last count, each of the children has lived in more than 25 different homes. So youcan imagine the trauma they have dealt with. Then, they were adopted by a DHSworker, who sexually abused the boys. He is now in jail, and the children were onceagain forced to move.At present, the oldest boy is in a loving, caring foster home that wants to adopt him.

Normally, we do not like to break up siblings, but he has requested to the judge thathe be allowed to stay there, and I think that is going to be allowed.So we are left with the two younger children. The boy is 11. He is placed in a group home and has been doing very well since we moved him there. We would like to keephim there for the time being.His sister, though, is having a rough time. She was in a foster home that wasn't reallyequipped to deal with her issues. The foster dad has cancer and was too weak to dealwith her effectively. The foster mom loved her and wanted to keep her there, but thefoster dad said no. So we moved her to a "therapeutic foster home" in Spencer. Thefoster mom there immediately took a disliking to the girl and has sabotaged the placementfrom the beginning. The girl told us she would rather live in the shelter than in this home.

Both children have suffered severe trauma in their lives. Both have been sexually and physically abused. They have trouble trusting adults. They get angry. They will curse.They will yell. They might even throw things.But, they can be taught proper behavior.

The group home the boy is in has taught him"safe" ways to handle his anger, and he is doing very well at it.

We need a home that is willing to take in the girl at this time, with the idea that they would take in the boy once the girl gets settled. The home should preferably be onewith no young children in it. The foster parents should be able to love on these children when they are angry and understand that that is their way of expressing the frustrationsthey feel from a world of adults that have constantly let them down.The home should be willing to allow a trauma therapy counselor to meet with them andthe children on a regular basis to help them through these issues. The home should bewilling to allow the children regular contact with their siblings, previous foster parents,case workers, etc., because the children need more connections in their lives.Most importantly, the home should be people who will stick with them through the rough times and not abandon them like every other adult they have ever known.Please pray about this and forward this to anyone who may be willing to make a differencein these children's lives.

Dave Parker
Child Welfare Specialist II
Canadian County
9A7901 E. SH 66, El Reno, OK 73036
(405) 295-2037, cell 623-6241

I Once Was Fatherless...

My heart is breaking for the fatherless. I know God has put me in the middle of messy situations so my heart would be broken and I would open my eyes and heart and respond.

4 years ago I did not stay awake at night distressed over fatherless children. We have had many people live with us the last 14 years of our marriage. Our home has always been a place for the wanderer to rest for awhile. But everything is changing. We now have a sponsorship program for 100 orphans in Africa and 3 foster children living in our home. I do believe God is asking us to take in 2 more.

WHAT IN THE WORLD are you thinking Lord...and WHY IN THE WORLD me???

Maybe it's because I was once fatherless.

My mom had me when she was 16. I met my dad for the first time when I was 5. He has never been a consitant part of my life. My mom was fatherless. Her dad was in prison 3 times, the last time for 23 years. She was a fatherless teenager trying to raise a fatherless child. Since there were no Christians involved in our lives and she was trying to make it on her own without Jesus you can probably figure out where her efforts led her and I. Not to very good places. I experienced sexual abuse and ended up working in the sex industry from 18 to 22. I had no hope. I was destined to produce more fatherless children and repeat the cycle.

Aaawww but then Jesus came and rescued me...and later her.

Now I am no longer fatherless. I have had a perfect Daddy for the past 15 years. A Daddy who rescued me and put people in my life to love me with His love. How could I not do for others what He has done for me. I have His commands written to me in His word. I have read them over and over and over for years. I have experienced first hand the shame, rejection and pain of living without a daddy for so long.

How could I ignore the pain I see in these kids lives. All hundred and something of them who have become precious to me and always have been precious to God. I can not make a difference in every fatherless child in the world. But I can for the ones He puts before me by the power of His Spirit alive inside of me.

This morning He asked for my obedience once again. Once again I have wrestled through all the reasons why I can't. But in the end He has brought me back to this simple Truth....I have been rescued and loved and brought into His family after years of pain and hopelessness...and now I must give my life for these children and welcome them in His Name.

Please help me by your prayers.

My Living Hope

I have woke up the last few days feeling distant from Him, almost separated from His Presence. I have found it hard to get out of bed and have to force myself to spend time with Him. But I do. Because I know I can not make it on my own. Throughout these last few days He has been faithful to give just enough strength to get through the moments. My circumstances are good. No major trials. Just finding it difficult in meeting the physical and emotional needs of the kids. And tired. Really tired.

I asked my 12 yo yesterday if he ever has a day where he feels far from God for no real reason. He laughed and said no like I was crazy :) Just wait precious one. Just wait ;)

Life is hard. But He knows I am dust. He knows I am weak.

One of my children asked me today after our devotion why God even sent Jesus to live on the earth through Mary. It is nonsense isn't it. What kind of God would give up heaven to come live as a human. As I explained the beauty of Him being completely 100 percent God yet choosing to come and live as a human and suffer so that He could be our merciful High Priest my heart was encouraged. He knows what I go through because He lived in a body. He knows what it means to be hungry, tired, tempted and to have a range of emotions in the midst of life on earth. He knows. He CHOSE to know intimately what I would go through. Because of this He sympathizes with me in my weakness.

I live in this tent of a body that doesn't always work right. I have jacked up emotions even after years of chasing hard after Him. And even when I muster up all my best intentions I still fail time and time again.

But today...oh today. Something beautiful happened. I slowly got through each moment. I still felt tired. I still felt weary of earthly living and longed for heaven. But, regardless of my feelings I fixed my thoughts on the cross. All day. I made every effort in this and He made it happen. I talked to Him openly and honestly about how I felt and how much I needed Him, I read His word, I listened to worship music, I sang quietly to Him under my breath, I cried out to Him in my heart and I chose to think about His sacrifice and forgiveness and grace. So Here I am at the end of what has seemed to be the never-ending day. I am still tired. My body still aches. I still do not feel 'happy' but I am full of HOPE.

Because of the cross I can rejoice. Because of the cross, even if my emotions stayed this way (and they won't) I could make it. Because of the cross I did not have to turn to fleshly vices to try and fix my not-so-great emotions. Because of the cross when my 6 yo threw an all out fit me and 2 of my other children sat and prayed and sought God for wisdom and watched Him answer. Why did he act like that over something small and trivial...the same reason I do. He is a sinful human who needs Jesus. I was able to teach Him this and extend the same loving discipline, grace and fofgiveness that I receive. Because of the cross I did not 'react' to my emotions in several other situations.

The older I get...the more time goes on and I seek Him and find Him and see Him as He truly is...the more thankful I am for this precious Saviour of mine. He is my daily, moment by moment, living HOPE! There is nothing I want more than Him. There is nothing I need more than Him. I simply can not make it on my own. Even when I think I can it is a terrible lie. So I welcome these days. I welcome these reminders that I am weak, I am dust and He alone is the strength of my life!!!!

The River of Blood Hit the Dirt

This post was written by my husband, Jerome Crawford.

The river of blood hit the dirt.
And the whole earth mourned.
And the whole world shook.
As we watched, they nailed Him to a tree.
Oh the wretched souls of sinners like me.

Do you ever wonder what it was like in that moment? I wonder what it felt like for Peter in that moment “when the blood hit the dirt”. Oh the regret! Knowing how much he had resisted Him. Even to the point of rebuking the Creator. Oh the shame! Knowing his last act of denial was witnessed by beaten Christ as He was dragged along on the way to the cross. Oh God! The regret and shame must have been overwhelming!

My soul hurts for him because I know exactly how it felt! Every day I feel the weight of my sin! I cry out for mercy! Oh the regret that I do not seek Him more! Oh the shame! The times I deny Him with my sin! Sometimes I cannot lift my head because I know He is in the room and I want to be more for Him.

Faint and weary You have sought me.
My savior God to the cross you have bought me.
What a Love You sung for my salvation.
What a cost Your wondrous incarnation.
God you came. God you came. God You came down.

I am not sure when Peter realized that all that blood hitting the dirt was for him. He denied Him while He was on the way to die for Him. When the ephinany came it must have been overwhelming. “I denied Him when He was on the way to die for me but He just kept walking on". What a joy it is to know that while we still sin everyday right in from of Him GOD KEEPS WALKING! The blood still hit the ground!

Oh God please do not let me take this for granted! Many will watch the blood fall and not be moved an inch. They will go about their lives just accepting who they are, ignoring the sound of the river that has hit the ground and will soon wash them into eternity. But I will not! I will feel the weight and I will cry out for Your mercy! I will submit to the current of that mighty river and seek Your face! The current will drive me to holiness and discipline. Oh God you came down and watched our denial, our shame...and You still keep walking. So I will keep walking toward more knowledge of you, more sacrifice for those in need and more holiness in my life! I will make war against myself till the day I die!

Sacrifice and Suffering

As I follow Him it seems like my life is defined more and more by sacrifice and suffering. I thank Him for this, realizing it is an honor. But it doesn't mean it is any less difficult.

In recent years some of the things He has led us into have been heart breaking. Friends have misunderstood us. People in ministry have opposed us. Enemies have ridiculed us. Family has rejected us. Those we served have attacked us. People we love have been shamed and we've been persecuted for standing with them. Friendships have been left to run on auto-pilot because I'm steeped in raising 6 children in America and 100 more in Africa. Jerome and I literally laugh each week as the new trial comes in full force. We are no longer surprised. I am learning to rejoice quicker, even if it is through tears of sadness or confusion.

God pours out grace and mercy in the midst of these things. He has given us a few incredibly supportive friends, a handful a supporters who faithfully help us, and an insatiable craving for more of Him.

I have learned more about the gospel these last 3 years than I have the first 12 that I walked with Him. It makes so much more sense to me now that He tells us to do things like take up our cross and follow Him, to find our lives we must lose them, to share in His sufferings is an honor. Now I see that the things of this world really don't satisfy. Now I delight to store up treasures in heaven knowing that He is the Pearl of great cost and giving our lives for His kindgdom is where true joy is found!

A lot of my days are hard. I wake up with my sinful self asking for His mercy and guidance and Presence because I simply can't get through the day without it. I am in way over my head and am drowning in my weakness the moment I take my eyes off of Him. My day is filled with caring for children, that part I love, the part I don't like at all is discipling them. It is messy, they all have their issues and personalities that clash and their own areas of sin that they struggle with. I am the one responsible for training them in righteousness...NO PRESSURE! I fail most times but hit the mark here and there and trust His grace to cover it all!

I sneak in a few phone calls to my African children and the pastor they call Dad to see how everyone is doing. Most of my text conversations are with my friend over how much rice the kids need, when their tuition is due, which ones are sick and need medical care and how we can meet the needs of all 100 of them with a few loaves of bread and fish?? My prayers are consumed with asking for helpers, strength to stand firm against opposition and for God to graciously keep using us in their lives.

My days of play dates, hair appointments, shopping, coffee with girlfriends, phone conversations just to chat are no where in sight.

I am not complaining because my life is richer and deeper than it has ever been. Every single sacrifice He has asked me to make has been worth it. Every ounce of suffering that He has asked me to share with Him has brought joy beyond measure. He is the Pearl of great cost and I will keep sacrificing and suffering if it means I know Him more!

Confessions

I am a week or so into a 40 day fast. I am trying not to keep up with the days so I don't lose heart. I felt the Lord leading this and I was excited because I LONG to be closer to Him. I long to have Him do spring cleaning right in the middle of winter inside my heart. Honestly my heart can be so deceitfully wicked at times. I do not even understand myself. So I am doing whatever it takes to be closer to the One who does. Here is where I am at in the process...

I am a mess. I have so much junk that I have shoved in the recesses of my heart because I do not want to have to deal with my sin. I distract myself with a thousand little gods. I have things I have tried to 'hide' from God because at times I simply do not believe His word enough to put it into practice. Then at the right moment when my heart is attentive to His Voice I stumble across verses like this one:

Ephesians 3:12 In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

Me: Really Lord? Really? You mean to tell me that the gospel is true for ME and applies completely no matter how big my sin or failure. Him: (I am sure with a big smile on His face) YES!

I can't even keep my stinkin' fast for a week without cheating...the fast that is meant to be dedicated to seek His face so He can get more glory out of my life. And then He speaks to me again...

Galatians 5:4 You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.

I think sometimes when it comes to myself, I miss the point of the cross. I want to know Him and love Him more. So this is where He brings me to. Back to these elementary truths. The gospel is good news for ME! I have to get this to explain with passion and conviction that it is good news for others.

Since my ears were open He also wanted to tell me this:

Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

I snuck into my closet this morning and with my face to the floor confessed all I could think of then asked Him to bring to mind any hidden sin. What I found was not condemnation but instead mercy. The tears that came did not sting with bitterness but were cleansing and led me to worship Him. He is the God that I DO NOT DESERVE! He pours out grace in my very best moment and in my very worst. If I really believed that I could approach God with freedom and confidence because of Jesus' payment for ALL of my sin when He died on the cross for me...then I would freely confess my sins at all times. I would not hide from Him in fear or shame.

I hurt people around me. I reject others and don't value them. I withhold affection from those who deserve it. I think more highly of myself more than I should. I crave the approval of people. I turn to other things for comfort in my stress. I am selfish...very selfish. I want to control in situations where I am afraid. I demand holiness out of my children that I can't even produce in myself. Oh...my list can go on and on and on. While all of these things are vague, I have become very specific with God in recent days. I do not want to act as if His sacrifice isn't enough for me while telling others it is enough for them.

Not only am I confessing to Him and you my sin. I am renouncing them. I do not want to live in these same patterns of selfish, fearful, rebellious living. I long for holiness in the innermost parts of my heart and mind. So I am asking Him to help me REALLY believe that the same power that kept Jesus on the cross in submission to His Father's will is alive inside of me. This power has the ability to help me make war against the sinful patterns I have developed in the way I treat people.

I want to be like Him so much!!! I want to treat others the way I want to be treated. I want to love my neighbor and my enemy in the same way I love myself. I am powerless to do this in my own strength but this is why He came and died, so I don't have to...because I can't, I have tried and tried again. And today, as I type this I believe that it is possible to become like Him because of my sweet Savior's sacrifice.

The gospel is not only good news for you but for me to!!!