For years I have had a desire to have several children...AT LEAST 5 or 6. I had two tubal pregnancies in a row that each ended in emergency surgeries to have a tube removed. If you don't have a tube, then you can't get pregnant apart from intervention. I do not have 5 or 6 children, I only have 3.
God has been changing my heart towards adoption over the last few years. A few months ago while on a mission trip with my husband in NYC God showed us clearly that he wanted us to actively pursue adoption thru DHS. He reminded me of His heart towards orphans. These children have been removed from their families so they are like orphans. After the mission trip I put this on the shelf intending to pick it up later.
I soon found out I was pregnant and then miscarried, losing my last tube. He showed me many things thru this experience...one of which was to pursue adoption. I have finally obeyed. We went to a DHS adoption orientation this Saturday.
Here is where I am at. I am scared...I am excited...I am anxious...I trust Him.... I know I seem bipolar and I feel this way sometimes. One minute I am at one end of the spectrum and the next at the other. One minute I just want to have a child from my own womb, the next I want God to pick the child that is to be in our home. One minute I want what is comfortable and familiar, the next I want the mystery of His will.
So while my emotions go up and down I simply choose to trust Him. I revisit all that He has shown me that has pointed me to this place. I choose to believe this is what He wants regardless of what I feel. My feelings are what they are. They have a part, but their part is not to ultimately lead me. Their part is not to dictate my actions. Their part is to draw me close to God as I let Him lead me. I will choose to follow Him when I don't understand or "feel" like it.
I know His plan for me is wonderful! We may come thru this with a child in our home or we may not. The outcome is not my part. My part is to trust and obey. My life is not my own, it was bought with a price. I will go where He leads.
With that said, I am excited and hopeful to be able to adopt a child into our family who we can share the love of Christ with. I am anticipating the joy and pain in the process. I know He will equip me and provide everything I need emotionally. I am eager to share His love and mercy with a child that otherwise might never know Him.
His ways are higher than mine. I can see how He has ordained this from the beginning of my life...just like He has ordained for me to be adopted into His family since the beginning of creation. I asked a dear friend to pray for me today...to pray I would keep my heart on the alter and keep my eyes focused on Him. Would you pray these things for me also?
Ephesians 1:4-5
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will--
James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
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5 comments:
Last night Monty and I were at a Christmas party and saw a friend we had not seen in 5-6 years. She chose to stay home with her two sons, who are now out of the home. And she and with her, 2 daughters they adopted (now 13 & 11) almost 4 years ago. We were so blessed by her story of what God has done!! His blessings on you as you trust Him!! Carolyn
Shanna, your faith and trust in Him continues to help me persevere through my trials. You are such an encouragement in my life. I am going through all those same feelings, thoughts and emotions as you. I felt your strength in your words. Thank you for being a friend who spurs me on in my walk and gently ushers me deeper into His presence. I love you!!!
I was reading last night when God said to Joshua (as HE called him to trust Him):
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
I knew God was assuring me once again that yes, He is calling me into the unknown. Yes, he sees and understands my discomfort and my fear. Yet, he reminds me that He has called me to this, just as he called Joshua. And just as he was with Moses and Joshua, He will be with me also...until the very end. I am excited to experience this journey with you, Shanna. You have no idea how much I am! I could not think of another person in my life in which to journey this calling with than you.
Christie! I NEEDED that encouragement more than you know!!!! I know God is leading us together so we can encourage one another along the way. Our minds can NOT concieve what He has in store! I love you!!!!!
I cannot wait to go through this with you all. Joe and I have been going on and on about adopting again lately. Joe said when he heard Derek talking about it at the Gunkels house the other night he was on fire for adoption again. We have always wanted to adopt hard to place kids. A family group, older kids, with special needs, whatever God has in store for us! I will need you to look to for help! I love that its is such a vivid picture of what God has done for us. Rescued us and brought us into His family forever. What a way to share Jesus with kids who need love. We all need love, but they cry out for it. I want to take them all home. I just love kids. I love you all and am so glad to share in your lives!
I stumbled across this blog simply by accident. I know this blog is dated in 2007 but believe their is something divine going on. My husband and I are awaiting news on a DHS adoption. We have been unable to have any children and also felt God was leading us to these special children. I was just reading your blogs and didn't have any idea you were seeking adoption also. I am just amazed at how spiritual you and your husband are and how you are striving daily to become more connected to him. This is were we are trying to be. Giving up all the things of this world to be "abnorma" by everyone else's standards. We are members of Lifechurch.tv and have a strong desire to try to reach the "unreacheable." Thank you for what you are doing for the Kingdom of our God and for sharing your story with others. Lindsey C.
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